A job

Hey...I'm a night owl, so I could get a job here. I hear they make good money at these places. At least I could fit in with a portion of the performers. I know, I know...God wouldn't like it too much. Why is it that when things aren't going good rebellion that would still benefit myself seems like such a good option? Ugh...I hate that about being me.

Postcard Secrets

Wow...this is some seriously thought proking pictures of secrets. They have a range of emotions but most of them bring sorrow to my heart. Sadly, I have a friend who has a postcard on it. I believe I've figured out which is hers. Perhaps a I should have said a prayer for each of the senders as I looked over it. Wonder if I would be brave enough to mail a secret in.
Here is the link here also if the other didn't work for you.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Is it sin to have a sex change?

Dang It...I really hate trying to type while there are tears up flowing in my eyes. President Bush just announced that his choice for Sandra Day O'Conner's judicial replacement is John Roberts. Clearly that is a male. GRRRRRRRR! How dare he be so blantant in hatred in the support of his wife's resquest and the needs of this country! Why couldn't he replace her position with another woman? Where is his faith in God to run the country fairly and with character? There is so many that that I approve of that Bush has done...but now none of that matters for his decision indicates to me that women are not really valued to him. Perhaps cause he had such trouble keeping his own children watched over. Why do we keep taking steps backwards in religious arenas and government? I remember so clearly learning about Sandra Day O'Conner in high school. I was in awe of her and loved that one of the females in my high school clique put her on a pedestal. I had hope that Bush would do what is right for the country by selecting the right woman to replace her.
Point to ponder? Would praying for our country really work with this decision that has been made. I know that prayer works but I wonder right now if it is what is right. For what is the purpose of Christian women if we can't do anything but give birth. Certainly God screwed up then in creating me and in the women he has caused to have miscarriages. (heck I know of nine who have had miscarriages in the last year...all wanting children.)
The question that I've been really challenging myself with lately is why do I have to endure being female. Church doesn't seem supportive lately of females lately...especially non penis females. I'm not girly and I don't fit in with most females. I certainly don't usually feel pretty. I've not found a church where it is ok for me to serve and be supported in the areas that God has gifted me for. So why oh why did God make me female?

Won't You Be My Neighbor

AWWW...Childhood memories of comfort are a blessing. This morning as I was flipping the channel to see different news on the London Bombing, I saw Fred Rogers feeding the fish. I went past the channel quickly, yet I turned back to it and watched the last 10 minutes of it. He had already gone to the land of make believe. It was fun to smile at the Speedy Delivery! Then I was treated to some various sounds on the various flutes. One of the cool things of this segment was the guy playing the flutes was blind yet this was never mentioned and just made to be very normal. How amazing it is that Fred Rogers made a point to just focus on the music part of the segment. He truly was the ultimate Early Childhood Development teacher.
This applies to my purpose because I need to continue be learning the best ways to minister to children so that their level is truly reached.

"It was on a Thursday...

SOMEBODY Changed Me. It must have been the hand of the Lord."

And even better is that Today...there is a brand new one that was changed. My nephew was changed today when he accepted Christ in to his life during is Vacation Bible School! I'm delighted in his decision and I so look forward to the details. This is the most important decision he will ever make in his life and how thrilling it is that he made it as a child!

A poem by Janna

For those that don't know, I generally don't understand poetry. I thought it was torture to make me write it through out my schooling. Well yesterday I found that my grandma save a poem that I mailed to her after it had been published in the local paper and the high school literature book. I do believe that even then I thought it seemed like a childish poem. It made me laugh to find it in the things she saved. Perhaps it will make you chuckle also. It isn't intended to give you any points to ponder.
Exalted Events
The proud experiences of the times
Just keep on coming into mind.
Young or old,
Brave or bold,
We all have episodes
Where memories will never erode;
The first time to fly
And see a cloud go by...
And for some,
Having sons...
Parents being able to afford
A college kid's room and board...
Being married 50 years
May be what brings some cheer...
Some can't forget learning to drive
(Can it get to ninety-five?)
You might forget
The usual incident, though
These special moments
Will never go.

***and the funny bonus is that I autographed it for her..lol!

Secular meet church Ideals

I just got this today from yahoo people. Interesting that what we've heard all along in church teachings is what people are sending out through messages now. Honestly, what saddens me more about getting this is that some people have to be told this because of the many bad experiences that they have had. Of course the word that I think it the coolest in it all...is Wait. Now ponder that!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

MICKEY FOR ALL AGAIN

Amen, Amen, Amen! But of course the main question is did it ever matter anyways? There was no way in heck I participated in the boycott. I love being in FL working as a baptist and going to DisneyWorld. I like that have have Mickey ears. I kinda think it is funny that this official statement has been made cause who really remembered about it anyway? Oh well Christians haven't been stupidly in the news for awhile so I guess this is how they wanted to be talked about again. At least people can't feel shame for experiencing some good entertainment again!

The Gift --- a "used" duck

First of all I'm shocked with all these duck posts and seriously I know that soon these will not be the way I base everything. Even though my home seems to be overly ducky. At least yellow is a bright color that makes us smile and think of the sun.
This afternoon one of the girls that I've made friends with in the complex knocked on my door. I almost didn't answer since I was in cleaning mode with the cleaning look on. Thankfully, I was smart and looked out the key hole and decided to go ahead and open the door. This little girl held up a plastic bag with a rubber ducky in it and said this is for you cause I know you like ducks. (ok...crapola my eyes are getting watery) She came inside and showed her friend around my place. Then she asked if I was gonna open my present. (she asked with such excitement.) I had neglected to do so since I could see it through the bag. (lesson learned there!) Took it out of the bag and we placed it in a well viewable place on the shelf. Then she said she didn't want to disturb me or bother me just to bring me the gift. She has such wonderful manners! I told her I was proud of her and gave her a little hug. Even though they are disappointed and surprised that I don't have children, some how they still want to be around me. I love this!
Now I've been given many ducks and some of them by some of y'all. This is one of those that goes into the treasured gift category. It may be scuffed up, but the heart in which it was given touches my soul.
The point to ponder: How shall I help to touch a smile on her soul in return?

The Duck Influence

"The world would undoubtedly be a better place if each and every one of us had a rubber duck somewhere in our life." ~Jon Wright

or at least the world could be a better place if each and every one of us could have the experience of learning like a duck and being able to truly love those different from us.
One odd thing about living here that should probably freak me out is that I have only met one other white person in my apartment complex. She was an old woman that asked me for a cigarette on my first Sunday morning here. The rest of my neighbors have been kind and friendly. The children have asked me to play with them but were polite when they saw me reading on the porch and asked first if they were disturbing me. I know they are ducks yet but I have learned they some of them have moms that love ducks. How funny...doesn't it make one wonder? If you looked at my place you'd think I have too many ducks. And I might agree at times since no room is free of them. But perhaps they can serve as a reminder that it takes work but people can and do love each other just because they are people. At least, that it what I want them to remind me.

Risk take Or Give Up?

By Sandra Magee Womack, December 11, 2000, in the Baptist Standard (that is the paper weekly put out by Texas southern baptists)
"For over 100 years, Baptist women have been "risk-takers." We have been stepping forward and risking the condemnation of not only an unchurched and lost people, but also of our Baptist brothers in our own denomination. The Lord did not stop with gender when it comes to confessing your faith. Women in ministry don't take no for an answer. We are a group that must say, "Look at our history, the foundation we have laid, and look to our future women in educating them."___Still not convinced it's not only your right, but your place? Let the following be your basis for taking your place in ministry:___ First, the first money given to the first nationwide Baptist convention was given by women; women who knew that their money would help foreign missionaries. Second, although tithing is taught in God's word, it was not a concept that was widely known or accepted until Woman's Missionary Unioin educated Baptists about the idea. Third, until an organized group of women began "weeks of prayer" and special mission offerings, churches had no organized method of praying and giving to missions. Fourth, WMU has been the lifeline for Baptist missionaries for over 100 years.___Still need a "scriptural" reference for your place in women's ministry? What better example of this than the woman who wept at Jesus' feet when they nailed him to the cross, Mary Magdalene. Mary possibly spent more time with Jesus than any other woman during his ministry. Jesus used Mary as a willing disciple and role model for all women. At a time when the followers of Jesus were scorned, ridiculed and even threatened by death, Mary remained faithful. She was with him through the hours of crucifixion and death, and she boldly returned to be near him in the garden. Even in the midst of fear and grief, she risked her life and remained committed to Jesus. It's no wonder that Mary was first to witness the resurrection and that Jesus issued his first commission to a woman, "Go and tell."___If we are to grow as Christian women in our understanding of God, we have to expect tough circumstances and be willing to "risk" the disappointment that is bound to confront us. Baptist women have met with confrontation since Baptists' inception, and that confrontation has made us strong and even more useful to Christ. We live in turbulent and fractured times. To stand in opposition to the majority always involves risk. Baptist women must not sit idle, but we must continue to be risk-takers. Women in ministry have discipled, educated and trained both men and women to "go and tell."___Women in ministry, from teaching to preaching, is a campaign. It is a campaign of eternal significance, not a campaign for women's rights. Women in Baptist work today are leaders and already know their rights. They are knowledgeable, understanding, educated, well-groomed and fun to be with. They also are accountable to Jesus Christ and his guidance, not one of any "man-made creed."___Let no man tell a woman what to believe or not believe, when to speak or not speak. That is a right that remains only with Jesus Christ. It is to him we pledge our allegiance. It is to him we shall be accountable. It is with him that we shall serve, and it is him that we shall reign with in eternity."

I am having to search to support myself in the gender God made me right now. I don't get that from my church and I'm am struggling with some things valuable women are facing right now. My mentor is dealing with her 4th round of breast cancer! I can accept that God lets bad things happend to good people...but making her endure this yet again. I'm just overly frustrated that these things are occuring. I don't want to fight to be the person God made me to be...I want to be love and used as the person God made me to be. Why is this soooo difficult for some to accept and do?

No Penis = No Value

If you are in the Southern Baptist Convention or have known me awhile, then you are aware of the problems women face with being Godly leaders. The past three weeks at the place of worship I've been with for most of my time down here, I realized how much I will never be able to do there. During my time there, I have only been ask to do anything on the platform when all other possibilities were gone. I have never been on a committee. Plenty of males have been doing these things. Heck...the last preacher even put a male med student in the role of leading music. This med student had no desire for ministry but politics rang true. In the last business meeting that I attended (after not having been able to afford to go most Sunday nights for a long time), I learned that once again preference would be given to males in our congregation. These males haven't even been attending with this church for 6mths. Yet, they are offered to be licensed because they have a penis. This isn't the way of God. God wants us to support those with evidence and trueness of heart. We can't see that in these men yet. If they are truly called to be apart of this church, then they should have some time in being apart of the church. And who is making this decision of sexism. No, God didn't give me a penis but that doesn't mean the church shouldn't prayerfully support me in ministry. This is what we claim licensing to be. The people making this hateful decision are saying that God has made a mistake in making me female when they choose not to give value to God's calling on my life.
There is more to this lack of value. Because women in the church who are married are attached to one with a penis, therefore they have some value. However this value is HIGHLY limited. They can only serve in areas of hospitality or with babies. Actually it is clear the men think they are better that the people who serve in these areas for if they actually thought this was important then they would serve there. I do not like the hospitality stuff. God wired me so complain to Him if that is a problem. I do like toddlers and preschoolers and children, but babies are very annoying. Again, God wired me so it is ok that I feel this way. God did make me great at being a greeter and I enjoy that. God did make me great with administration. I love to pray and read scripture. Heck, I can even tell you a little bit about what that scripture means. I'm not called to be a preacher, but I should be supported in the area that God has called me for. When I drive away from my church, I am frustrated in the lack of value I have. I'm not used and I'm not gonig to be used to serve since I don't meet the standard of having a penis.
I hate that the church is like this is sooo many area. I don't want to have to look for a new church. I don't want people thinking I've left because of music or singleness. Purpose Driven Life was a joke with this church and it became a joke to me because I knew it wasn't being applied. My purpose can't be obtained if I'm not valued and therefore loved. My goal is that God will quickly help me to discover where I shod be so that this can be found.

Horoscope

I soo hate it when these are soo right on it. This actually was a positive reminder for me tonight though because I'm tired of trying to make peace occur. I truly have gotten drained because I can't change people or make them accept differences more. Sadly I can only change me...and sometimes even with that I have to have God to do it. I also know that I'm gonna be glad to think of myself this Sunday night when I have all my room to myself again. Even with moving a week later it will be nice to have some personal space to not share with Bob and Sally. Funny how that happens no matter how much you love the ones you are sharing with. I am a peace maker. I'm not a middle child, but I like for people to have understanding and get along. I hate when people are fake about it though. I do want and need to be around people that can be who they are and love each other inspite of who they are. I strive to be that person. I pray God continues to help be become that person.
Libra
Making peace is what comes most easily to you and what you do best. But for some reason, you're just not in the mood to do that today. Maybe it's because your last attempt wasn't quite as appreciated as it should have been. Maybe it's because you're tired of listening to why people can't do what it takes to get along. Whatever it is, though, it's convinced you to think of yourself this weekend. And it's about time.

To Be A Bridesmaid

"Wow...I really enjoyed Phantom. Thanks for coming with me even with all you have to do after getting engaged last night and it being Christmas Eve." (hug, take a few steps) "I'll see you tonight at the Christmas Eve Service." (other take comes few steps forward) "I want to ask you to be my bridesmaid."
(in head) "WHAT? did I hear her right? She couldn't mean me. I'm not worthy of that honor. Yikes...am I really that close to her?" (out loud) "yes, thank you" (hug with facial expression of does she realize who she just asked but smiling happily) She uttered something of assurance, but I, of course, didnt hear that. My brain was just whirling with questions and emotions. I had trouble grasping that I could be loved enough to do this task of honor. I feared not being able to fill my resposibilities because of cost, beauty, and womanly roles of tradition with a wedding. (This is the action many believed Heidi would do, yet she asked me to read scripture. Granted, we know I didn't do that because her chavinistic husband was unable to be respectful of me and I wasn't stood up for when he was. So this caused me some fear since there were times that I'd complain about Phillip..the brides groom. Now, I love Phillip so don't get confused on that. Phillip and I are very opposite in many ways, and differences can sometimes bring frustration. Being that Phillip is male and has some authority, I sadly often find the negatives on him. But you know how that is really handled well...we pray together...and I praise God that it is ok that we are different because we still respect each other's right to know God in her/his own way.)
Thankfully, there were five others to fill these roles and the excitement of my mom. Sometimes I thought this was my wedding for my mom...lol. My family helped with the cost because they adore the bride and the brides mom. My seamstress did a great job on helping me to be comfortable in the dress. Lori made sure my hair was done with some life. It was truly a team effort all around.
The emotional part of it is still amazing to me. During the ceremony, I had to make sure not to laugh so I was doing my best to not smile. I hope that doesn't make me look like I hated being there. The service part of this role is the best. And I can't explain why. I loved praying for Mandi. As weird as it was, I enjoyed helping her get her shoes on. Wearing girly undergarments and shoes isn't that tough when you love someone. I wish I could convey the joy that I had from seeing them finally marry, but God gets my heart and that is what matters.
Thing to consider: What area of service in friendship is the hardest and what bring the most joy? The hardest part for me is often in helping without being asked. I hope to develop this better. I do what I can when I'm asked but there are times I feel I should do without being asked. The part that bring the most joy is praying for them without them knowing and then seeing/hearing the results of that.

10 Wonderful Things About Founders

These are in no particular order.

1. The songs --old and new.
2. Meghan.
3. Still being able to fit in with both halves of my class.
4. Meeting Duck Toes, CSC '60.
5. The organized weekend.
6. Having so many things similar with people yet also still being different.
7. Skits of CSC '55. Y'all are a wild bunch.
8. Seeing the passion in the new president's personal and public speaking.
9. Hearing truths about the past.
10. Speaking to current students and knowing that it is still about the care of the individual student while still allowing students to grow at her own pace.

**if only I knew how to upload pictures