White dress?

ok...I really have no desire 95% of the time to get married but the whole idea of blowing off the stupid traditions that so many find vital is extremely appealing! One of which is the whole white dress concept which is broken by so many because the image of the bride being a virgin is so rare even for those married in a church as Christians. (also annoys me that people the the female has to wear white yet the male doesn't need to wear white....just stupid) But one of the things I'd break about this is to not wear the white dress. I figure it is not all the onlookers business about my virginity or my future mates...since so many I know wore white and it is very clear they had no concept of waiting for sex. As I had this thought today because I spilled red koolaid on my white shirt today. I totally remembered hearing through out my life about not wearing white. Seriously, my mom really didn't want to purchase white things for me because I'd be so hard on it. So it would make sense to me that a dress to celebrate and worship a new beginning would not be white for me.
Just a random thought today that I thought I'd share.

First Day of School

Sadly this was a difficult to complete day it seemed for all four of us. A teen annoyed, a teacher in traffic, a elder bruised, and me with too many changes/mishaps. What a way to begin the new year.

The changes are the much earlier time and the cost of gas. Thankfully I've been trying to train my brain some during the last few weeks, but leaving at the time I used to get up is a challenge. I am the one that was able to get 10 and 11am classes through almost all of my college years. (of course Meredith would be the one that screwed up that record!) So I'm learning to adapt by getting to bed earlier and changing my routine somewhat. The cost of gas really shocked me when I went to fill up my tank yesterday. I had $20 on my Wal~mart card and it didn't fill up the tank on my little car! UGH. So I have to be more creative now and entertaining my grandma as we are at her home...we can't just watch television all day. hopefully the prices will actually go back down after labor day! I know that we certainly will be doing more walks when the temperature gets less. Just difficult knowing we are needing to stay in doors. (perhaps think pre-paid GAS cards for my birthday...isn't that sad?)
The mishaps were the rabbits being out free. I enjoy animals but needing to be responsible for so many gets annoying especially when I think that the owner could have prevented this escape. The rain meant we couldn't sit on the porch today to watch the school kids coming home. (it was also a blessing for it cooled things for a moment) Grandma needed two baths today and she kept walking without her walker. I got very frustrated with this. I truly hate who I am when I have this frustration.
Soooo how do I apply what I need to do so the entire year doesn't bring me down? I gotta use that time before grandma gets up in the morning to give God control of my day. I'm gonna start doing some biblical reading there in the morning. I'm also gonna make sure I sing a couple of songs and give him praise for the privilege of being called to help my grandma. Then on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am going to have grandma have a small God focus time with me. I know she will not remember it but I think that for me doing it with her it will help us have a better day together. She doesn't pray in the inspiring way that she used to but somehow I still believe that God listens to her pray and answers her more speedily.
Time to get some sleep for Day 2.

Another Explosion?

There was yet another explosion at the BP plant in TxCity. UGH. I will put in a link to the local paper tomorrow because I'll prefer it's reporting of it. All the news has said that the explosion was around 6pm. I was blessed for I wasn't out driving by the plant to get home at that time. However, we are very curious about the explosion because we heard a small boom around 7:30. I have no clue what that was about then. I saw no smoke in the sky when I was driving home around 6:30pm, so it doesn't make any sense to me with the news reports I've heard on the local news and read on line. Thankfully there have been NO injuries reported. Lets just hope it doesn't stink too much in the morning to get to grandma's home.

A job

Hey...I'm a night owl, so I could get a job here. I hear they make good money at these places. At least I could fit in with a portion of the performers. I know, I know...God wouldn't like it too much. Why is it that when things aren't going good rebellion that would still benefit myself seems like such a good option? Ugh...I hate that about being me.

Postcard Secrets

Wow...this is some seriously thought proking pictures of secrets. They have a range of emotions but most of them bring sorrow to my heart. Sadly, I have a friend who has a postcard on it. I believe I've figured out which is hers. Perhaps a I should have said a prayer for each of the senders as I looked over it. Wonder if I would be brave enough to mail a secret in.
Here is the link here also if the other didn't work for you.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Is it sin to have a sex change?

Dang It...I really hate trying to type while there are tears up flowing in my eyes. President Bush just announced that his choice for Sandra Day O'Conner's judicial replacement is John Roberts. Clearly that is a male. GRRRRRRRR! How dare he be so blantant in hatred in the support of his wife's resquest and the needs of this country! Why couldn't he replace her position with another woman? Where is his faith in God to run the country fairly and with character? There is so many that that I approve of that Bush has done...but now none of that matters for his decision indicates to me that women are not really valued to him. Perhaps cause he had such trouble keeping his own children watched over. Why do we keep taking steps backwards in religious arenas and government? I remember so clearly learning about Sandra Day O'Conner in high school. I was in awe of her and loved that one of the females in my high school clique put her on a pedestal. I had hope that Bush would do what is right for the country by selecting the right woman to replace her.
Point to ponder? Would praying for our country really work with this decision that has been made. I know that prayer works but I wonder right now if it is what is right. For what is the purpose of Christian women if we can't do anything but give birth. Certainly God screwed up then in creating me and in the women he has caused to have miscarriages. (heck I know of nine who have had miscarriages in the last year...all wanting children.)
The question that I've been really challenging myself with lately is why do I have to endure being female. Church doesn't seem supportive lately of females lately...especially non penis females. I'm not girly and I don't fit in with most females. I certainly don't usually feel pretty. I've not found a church where it is ok for me to serve and be supported in the areas that God has gifted me for. So why oh why did God make me female?

Won't You Be My Neighbor

AWWW...Childhood memories of comfort are a blessing. This morning as I was flipping the channel to see different news on the London Bombing, I saw Fred Rogers feeding the fish. I went past the channel quickly, yet I turned back to it and watched the last 10 minutes of it. He had already gone to the land of make believe. It was fun to smile at the Speedy Delivery! Then I was treated to some various sounds on the various flutes. One of the cool things of this segment was the guy playing the flutes was blind yet this was never mentioned and just made to be very normal. How amazing it is that Fred Rogers made a point to just focus on the music part of the segment. He truly was the ultimate Early Childhood Development teacher.
This applies to my purpose because I need to continue be learning the best ways to minister to children so that their level is truly reached.

"It was on a Thursday...

SOMEBODY Changed Me. It must have been the hand of the Lord."

And even better is that Today...there is a brand new one that was changed. My nephew was changed today when he accepted Christ in to his life during is Vacation Bible School! I'm delighted in his decision and I so look forward to the details. This is the most important decision he will ever make in his life and how thrilling it is that he made it as a child!

A poem by Janna

For those that don't know, I generally don't understand poetry. I thought it was torture to make me write it through out my schooling. Well yesterday I found that my grandma save a poem that I mailed to her after it had been published in the local paper and the high school literature book. I do believe that even then I thought it seemed like a childish poem. It made me laugh to find it in the things she saved. Perhaps it will make you chuckle also. It isn't intended to give you any points to ponder.
Exalted Events
The proud experiences of the times
Just keep on coming into mind.
Young or old,
Brave or bold,
We all have episodes
Where memories will never erode;
The first time to fly
And see a cloud go by...
And for some,
Having sons...
Parents being able to afford
A college kid's room and board...
Being married 50 years
May be what brings some cheer...
Some can't forget learning to drive
(Can it get to ninety-five?)
You might forget
The usual incident, though
These special moments
Will never go.

***and the funny bonus is that I autographed it for her..lol!

Secular meet church Ideals

I just got this today from yahoo people. Interesting that what we've heard all along in church teachings is what people are sending out through messages now. Honestly, what saddens me more about getting this is that some people have to be told this because of the many bad experiences that they have had. Of course the word that I think it the coolest in it all...is Wait. Now ponder that!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

MICKEY FOR ALL AGAIN

Amen, Amen, Amen! But of course the main question is did it ever matter anyways? There was no way in heck I participated in the boycott. I love being in FL working as a baptist and going to DisneyWorld. I like that have have Mickey ears. I kinda think it is funny that this official statement has been made cause who really remembered about it anyway? Oh well Christians haven't been stupidly in the news for awhile so I guess this is how they wanted to be talked about again. At least people can't feel shame for experiencing some good entertainment again!

The Gift --- a "used" duck

First of all I'm shocked with all these duck posts and seriously I know that soon these will not be the way I base everything. Even though my home seems to be overly ducky. At least yellow is a bright color that makes us smile and think of the sun.
This afternoon one of the girls that I've made friends with in the complex knocked on my door. I almost didn't answer since I was in cleaning mode with the cleaning look on. Thankfully, I was smart and looked out the key hole and decided to go ahead and open the door. This little girl held up a plastic bag with a rubber ducky in it and said this is for you cause I know you like ducks. (ok...crapola my eyes are getting watery) She came inside and showed her friend around my place. Then she asked if I was gonna open my present. (she asked with such excitement.) I had neglected to do so since I could see it through the bag. (lesson learned there!) Took it out of the bag and we placed it in a well viewable place on the shelf. Then she said she didn't want to disturb me or bother me just to bring me the gift. She has such wonderful manners! I told her I was proud of her and gave her a little hug. Even though they are disappointed and surprised that I don't have children, some how they still want to be around me. I love this!
Now I've been given many ducks and some of them by some of y'all. This is one of those that goes into the treasured gift category. It may be scuffed up, but the heart in which it was given touches my soul.
The point to ponder: How shall I help to touch a smile on her soul in return?

The Duck Influence

"The world would undoubtedly be a better place if each and every one of us had a rubber duck somewhere in our life." ~Jon Wright

or at least the world could be a better place if each and every one of us could have the experience of learning like a duck and being able to truly love those different from us.
One odd thing about living here that should probably freak me out is that I have only met one other white person in my apartment complex. She was an old woman that asked me for a cigarette on my first Sunday morning here. The rest of my neighbors have been kind and friendly. The children have asked me to play with them but were polite when they saw me reading on the porch and asked first if they were disturbing me. I know they are ducks yet but I have learned they some of them have moms that love ducks. How funny...doesn't it make one wonder? If you looked at my place you'd think I have too many ducks. And I might agree at times since no room is free of them. But perhaps they can serve as a reminder that it takes work but people can and do love each other just because they are people. At least, that it what I want them to remind me.

Risk take Or Give Up?

By Sandra Magee Womack, December 11, 2000, in the Baptist Standard (that is the paper weekly put out by Texas southern baptists)
"For over 100 years, Baptist women have been "risk-takers." We have been stepping forward and risking the condemnation of not only an unchurched and lost people, but also of our Baptist brothers in our own denomination. The Lord did not stop with gender when it comes to confessing your faith. Women in ministry don't take no for an answer. We are a group that must say, "Look at our history, the foundation we have laid, and look to our future women in educating them."___Still not convinced it's not only your right, but your place? Let the following be your basis for taking your place in ministry:___ First, the first money given to the first nationwide Baptist convention was given by women; women who knew that their money would help foreign missionaries. Second, although tithing is taught in God's word, it was not a concept that was widely known or accepted until Woman's Missionary Unioin educated Baptists about the idea. Third, until an organized group of women began "weeks of prayer" and special mission offerings, churches had no organized method of praying and giving to missions. Fourth, WMU has been the lifeline for Baptist missionaries for over 100 years.___Still need a "scriptural" reference for your place in women's ministry? What better example of this than the woman who wept at Jesus' feet when they nailed him to the cross, Mary Magdalene. Mary possibly spent more time with Jesus than any other woman during his ministry. Jesus used Mary as a willing disciple and role model for all women. At a time when the followers of Jesus were scorned, ridiculed and even threatened by death, Mary remained faithful. She was with him through the hours of crucifixion and death, and she boldly returned to be near him in the garden. Even in the midst of fear and grief, she risked her life and remained committed to Jesus. It's no wonder that Mary was first to witness the resurrection and that Jesus issued his first commission to a woman, "Go and tell."___If we are to grow as Christian women in our understanding of God, we have to expect tough circumstances and be willing to "risk" the disappointment that is bound to confront us. Baptist women have met with confrontation since Baptists' inception, and that confrontation has made us strong and even more useful to Christ. We live in turbulent and fractured times. To stand in opposition to the majority always involves risk. Baptist women must not sit idle, but we must continue to be risk-takers. Women in ministry have discipled, educated and trained both men and women to "go and tell."___Women in ministry, from teaching to preaching, is a campaign. It is a campaign of eternal significance, not a campaign for women's rights. Women in Baptist work today are leaders and already know their rights. They are knowledgeable, understanding, educated, well-groomed and fun to be with. They also are accountable to Jesus Christ and his guidance, not one of any "man-made creed."___Let no man tell a woman what to believe or not believe, when to speak or not speak. That is a right that remains only with Jesus Christ. It is to him we pledge our allegiance. It is to him we shall be accountable. It is with him that we shall serve, and it is him that we shall reign with in eternity."

I am having to search to support myself in the gender God made me right now. I don't get that from my church and I'm am struggling with some things valuable women are facing right now. My mentor is dealing with her 4th round of breast cancer! I can accept that God lets bad things happend to good people...but making her endure this yet again. I'm just overly frustrated that these things are occuring. I don't want to fight to be the person God made me to be...I want to be love and used as the person God made me to be. Why is this soooo difficult for some to accept and do?

No Penis = No Value

If you are in the Southern Baptist Convention or have known me awhile, then you are aware of the problems women face with being Godly leaders. The past three weeks at the place of worship I've been with for most of my time down here, I realized how much I will never be able to do there. During my time there, I have only been ask to do anything on the platform when all other possibilities were gone. I have never been on a committee. Plenty of males have been doing these things. Heck...the last preacher even put a male med student in the role of leading music. This med student had no desire for ministry but politics rang true. In the last business meeting that I attended (after not having been able to afford to go most Sunday nights for a long time), I learned that once again preference would be given to males in our congregation. These males haven't even been attending with this church for 6mths. Yet, they are offered to be licensed because they have a penis. This isn't the way of God. God wants us to support those with evidence and trueness of heart. We can't see that in these men yet. If they are truly called to be apart of this church, then they should have some time in being apart of the church. And who is making this decision of sexism. No, God didn't give me a penis but that doesn't mean the church shouldn't prayerfully support me in ministry. This is what we claim licensing to be. The people making this hateful decision are saying that God has made a mistake in making me female when they choose not to give value to God's calling on my life.
There is more to this lack of value. Because women in the church who are married are attached to one with a penis, therefore they have some value. However this value is HIGHLY limited. They can only serve in areas of hospitality or with babies. Actually it is clear the men think they are better that the people who serve in these areas for if they actually thought this was important then they would serve there. I do not like the hospitality stuff. God wired me so complain to Him if that is a problem. I do like toddlers and preschoolers and children, but babies are very annoying. Again, God wired me so it is ok that I feel this way. God did make me great at being a greeter and I enjoy that. God did make me great with administration. I love to pray and read scripture. Heck, I can even tell you a little bit about what that scripture means. I'm not called to be a preacher, but I should be supported in the area that God has called me for. When I drive away from my church, I am frustrated in the lack of value I have. I'm not used and I'm not gonig to be used to serve since I don't meet the standard of having a penis.
I hate that the church is like this is sooo many area. I don't want to have to look for a new church. I don't want people thinking I've left because of music or singleness. Purpose Driven Life was a joke with this church and it became a joke to me because I knew it wasn't being applied. My purpose can't be obtained if I'm not valued and therefore loved. My goal is that God will quickly help me to discover where I shod be so that this can be found.