Friends and Fat

a vent:
I'm torn with frustration at this time. I have almost always been a fat chick. I was an overweight preteen, teen, college student, young woman, and now. It is amazing to me to hear some of the things some people will say to me. I truly have grown somewhat immune to comments from strangers. However, when little statements come from those I think love me, I just want to block out that person. Does she understand that it hurts me when she says something about my eating habits? Does she get that I know I'm fat and unhealthy? Does she comprehend how I love swimming but have to talk myself into having the emotional strength to go with her? I hate that I have gained about 30 pounds since moving down here. Most of that is from lack of activity and some emotional eating. When people talk about my grandma they talk about her cooking the most. When I get home, I feel I need chocolate of some sort to make my evening better. I am really not a cook, but I've received the most encouragement and appreciation from making ice cream. Do you know how screwed up that is? I used to really enjoy walking with Carmen because I didn't feel like I was exercising overall. Yes, a friend can care about my health and even the ickiness of my being fat, but it would be so much better for me if she talked directly about it in love and not about my food choices in a judgemental way.

My Mentor Turns 50

Tonight was the Surprise Birthday party for the woman I have admired the most in my adult years. God called her into Fulltime ministry when she was in college. I met her while she was the Children's Pastor in my church in Arkansas. She was a wonderful leader in that church. There are so many times that I was in awe of her devotion to God as she carried on her tasks for God. She also gave me many opportunities of service when I was in high school. After I battled God and accepted my call to ministry, she invited me for a luncheon where she shared about being a female in ministry and about children's ministry. She also gave me this sheet about priorities that I had lamenated and even now is attached on the wall next to my desk. While I was in college, she left her position at that church to begin her role as a children's counselor. She still does this in the Arkansas area. My sister also became close friends with her as they went to church together. I think it is good this happened as it enabled me to be able to keep in contact with her more easily. She is also a Breast Cancer Survivor. She has had it 3 different times. It has been very tough on her, but she has been able to continually find strength in God even in the crappy times. I truly admire the woman that she is. God just make change her into an angel in Heaven for she is already some that glows well for Him.
Martha, you are loved!

New Church Baptism

Today, I was encouraged again with the decision to join University Baptist Church. Not only was it great to have a baptism during the service, the way it is done is encouraging. The Children's minster, who is a female, was the one in the baptismal! VERY WONDERFUL TO SEE! This church has a variety of people doing the baptism services. I actually haven't seen the senior pastor do it yet. For me it is very positive to recognize the role of many in the church who help leave and develop seeds of faith. Besides the variety of those performing the service, in the congregation the family and those having a role in spiritual development stand. I love this! It is great for a church to recognize the importance of all its members.

ASTROS WIN

All over houston you could hear people in shock and excitement. Our Bs have done it...they are in the World Series! I'm sooo excited for them and for all those that have diligently supported them. What a wonderful accomplishment to finally happen for this team. WHOOHOOO!
I had a wonderful time tonight watching the game with some friends. It was great to catch up with them on life and to meet some new people while every so often having my eyes glance at the television. I am glad that I was invited for this fun time of fellowship and to see a little bit of history being made.
Way to go 'stros!!!

A New little Survey

My online friend Julie composed a new survey thing for this group of online friends I've have for the last four years. We called ourselves the Quad after meeting in a Christian chat room. It is kinda funny that we all hooked up. I still don't get why we are all connected, but we flirt with still being connected as friends. We've been through a marriage, two births, horrible breakups, and a divorce since meeting online. I do believe there can be real relationships found in chatting conversations. Sadly they are just hard to find. BUT this is the little questionaire that she created after I answered yet another survey that is so common with some not so nice answers. Because this has real questions of value, I thought it would be good of me to put it on here. Yes, it does scare me a little. When it ask for extreme answers of best and worst, I may not be giving exactly truth on this as I may be protecting others or myself. But it would fit in the spectrum of the answer.
1. What did you want to be for a living when you were in highschool? I wanted to be a lobbyist (went to college with this mindset) or a hostess for the UN (foreign languages changed that dream).
2. If you could change your profession now, what would you be doing? EASY! I'd be a Children's Minister.
3. What gift would you never want to get again? as not wanting to offend the giver I shall not answer this
4. What do people remember you for that you wish they wouldn't? The funny embarrassing stories don't bother me most of the time when shared. I do regret that people recall and try to use against me when I threw a glass bottle of sprite at my sixth youth minister.
5. What do you do when you're lonely? Get on the phone or chat on the computer.
6. What is your biggest regret? (not sure if biggest is sharable) I regret the impact my decision to go to Meredith has had on my life.
7. When you die, what song do you want sung at your funeral? hummm..just one song? I have g-ma's list with about 7 songs she wasn't sung or played. He Is Here sung by everyone and there is the Geoff Moore song that I've always liked but I can't think of the title right now...when I figure it out I'll let you know
8. What is your greatest accomplishment? accepting my call to ministry...odd how what I thought would be my greatest personal defeat isn't guess I'll have to keep learning that one as I stop trying to make God think He doesn't know what He is doing
9. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Completed my master's degree (I was saying that 5yrs ago..ugh) and have a career job that fits my ministry area. And to have going the knowledge and faith that I should have increased during these 6yrs of being here.
10. What is your favorite thing about where you're living now? All the space and I can afford it.
11. What is your least favorite thing about where you're living now? the distance from church (so the lonliness somewhat)
12. What would you miss the most if you lost it (not including people)? Loading up your car for a hurricane evacuation will make you think about this one materially. But helping with the hurricane's aftermath, I'd say water. Perhaps, ice would be the better answer since that way it could be cold and then melted to water.
13. What are you really talented at? Coming up with at the moment activities for children.
14. What "motto" do you try to live by? I'm sure that a motto could be applied to my life but I don't live by one.
15. If you were going to start up a little shop, what would you sell? Homemade Ice Cream...no plain chocolate of vanilla available
16. What do you argue with your parents about the most? probably a tie about how much we talk on the phone and if I get enough personal time
17. Do you want any (or any more) children? No! I am not going through that pain!
18. What is the #1 thing you want your children (or the children around you) to learn? What a real relationship with Jesus Christ is and to make it work for them.
19. If you could to go school and learn something just for the fun of it (completely unrelated to work) what would you learn about? Sewing (but I don't think it would be fun...just cost effective)
20. What is the most touching thing anyone has ever done for you? ;) gave me a bath! lots of touching involved with that. emotionally, I'd have to say kept/still keeping a secret and loving me anyways.

Picture in Morning Worship

OH, how I wish I could have taken a picture during worship today. The children's director was leading the baptism part of worship. The children's director is a woman and she was in the water, in the white doing the dunking! My soul was smiling when I saw such a wonderful amount of acceptance offered through the actions of my church.
I do hope to continue to see such wonderful things as this as I continue to grow in my faith and excitement about Jesus here.

Rita Help --The Mini Mission

Today a group from my new church went to help with some of the Rita devasation in East Texas. I was honored to be able to call and say I could go to help. The journey took almost 3hrs as we were in evacuation like traffic. (ended up being a four car wreck far ahead near a bridge) Thankfully some of the passengers knew alternate routes so we headed on back roads to get to our destination. You could certainly see when we got closer to the devasted areas as there were more trees through homes and tarp covered roofs. The church that was send us to our assignments was FBC-Kirbyville. We reached there and all went to the bathroom. Then we divided up into the Chainsaw group and the Food Group. Jokes were made most of the morning about the risks for the Chainsaw group. We were going to have only four do the food so more could help haul, but the Kirbyville pastor's wife said that hauler for the wood weren't as needed. So we sent more to food. The area we went to still had many places with no power or power just within the last couple of days. Some of the homes still didn't have drinkable water. We set up near a tree outside of a church building. As people came by we were able to offer them jugs of water, cans of food, snack items, and eventually ice. I enjoyed my task of carrying water jugs to the cars of the people. Later in the afternoon, I suggested that we use the children's wagon someone in our group had brought to be able to deliver some of the ice to those down the road. We took about 20bags of ice to those people and let them know food was available if they wanted to come get it and we could also give them more ice. Overall one of the things that can't be said enough is that most all of the people we were helping didn't want to take more than there share. I had to reassure many people that it was ok for me to have given them three jugs of water for two people. (heck we would have done more but we didn't know we were going to get more water when we started) Things slowed down around 3:00pm so we loaded up ourselves and headed back to meet up with our Chainsaw crew. When we got back to them the group worked together to haul limbs from a yard, then we grabbed drinks and headed to come back home. We listened to the Astros game on the way back. (oh joy..lol) As we got almost all the way back, we came upon traffic again. We again used the intelligence of the church members to take some back roads to get us away from the traffic. The funny part about this back road thing was that we took the same exit each time!
Two wonderfully positive things about this day was that the senior pastor was very much involved with this and totally had a servants heart as he went where needed! I truly love my new pastor. The other was that God made it so we didn't face mosquitos. We only batted at LoveBugs throughout the day. This was a true blessing even though we were all prepared.
I very much look forward to helping the next time.

Why am I a baptist?

One of my friends asked me awhile back about why I was a baptist. She was asking me because of my frustration with the Southern Baptist Convention. Through doing a letting survey and finding the church for me, I was able to come to the reasoning of this to my soul. I wanted that reasoning to be deeper than being a preconception southern baptist.
Below is the response I gave to her:
Soooo...you once asked me why I was baptist. I have started various answers at different times. Since reading the news updates on and the blog exchange for NOBTS, I am reminded what is ingrained in my about being a baptist. Politically I don't enjoy the way many in the convention make God out to be. Granted I do believe that NOBTS is a special breed of staff and education. This was not something that I knew forsure before being there and at Southwestern. Here is a link to an article of focus as they clean up the seminary. http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=21828 This outreach mentallity is very much part of being a baptist to me. The Cooperative Program is for the shared funds to reach out. When I read that article I don't feel like Dr.Kelly is even hinting that some aren't called to help minister to this city. This is my upbringing. The education of missions was big when I was a child. I wanted my friends to be saved. (I almost lost my middle school best friend because I was so gunho and didn't understand how God could be accessed differently in a different denomination.) While I never took to the memorization of scriptures, I always understood that God said it and there aren't errors in it. Even with my liberal baptist college education, I still believe this. I think it is in the people that it gets screwed up in what we think it says. While there are other things that make being a baptist unique, these are the main two reasons that it is dear to my soul even when I feel hatred from those who make decisions as baptist leaders.
Point to ponder: Has my life been very baptist lately? Sadly no. I'm working on it again as I get to know my neighbors and build relationships with them. Oddly, it was during the time that I was doing FAITH that I shared with people the least. I somewhat wonder if that was partly do to my surroundings or if I forgot what sharing really was about. I am glad to be back to have the spirit of desire back in me to hold truth to God's word and to believe I can share with others about him.

Signing The Covenant

I am sooo thrilled and excited to day. While I know that this is susposed to be the day of national reflection for the awful attack we received four years ago, I am also optimistic about my new beginning. Feeling Christian love is such a wonderful thing. As I've said before acceptance is a large part of love for me. Knowing that I have value inspite of being female encourages me so much. I am excited to be in relationship with God again. While I know that my church membership doesn't really have to effect that relationship, I allow it to. When I feel like my church doesn't value me, then I question God's value for me. Not being able to serve means I'm not worshipping or honoring God. This makes me feel like I don't belong as a child of God. I wish I had better words to express this for those who love me. It isn't about being a feminist or whatever...it is about fulfilling my calling. God has given me abilities that aren't just for behind the scenes. The smile that my heart had when I saw that women were able to read scripture, pray, and do the offering in a Sunday Morning Service was a clear indicator to me that I belonged in my new church. This church also has such a desire for real missions and not just the abroad stuff. (I really think if you aren't doing it locally then pffffftttt to the efforts far away.) I look forward to becoming involved in the efforts of local missions. I'm not stupid and I know that no church is perfect! I am just very thankful and feeling blessed that God has allowed me to join this church who I already feel love from despite not really knowing people there.

Katrina Tears --- Part 2

I have enjoyed discovering that almost everyone I had built a relationship with in New Orleans had evacuated. Thankfully the missionaries that I worked with were able to get out some of the teens. I also was so thankful to know that the church building I was at only had minimal damage. The seminary is having classes for students in various ways. The professors and administration are having the faith and strength from God to go on. I love that this seminary has so much heart and drive to continue the teaching and mission that God has for it. I cried when reading the blogs for the seminary and thinking how blessed I've been by knowing this people of such strong faith.
Despite what some have said, I so agree that some people are better off with the new start they are being given. The people of need are no longer hidden...people are not reaching out to them. All the political mess behind it is just crap, but it is good to know that people are now trying to make a difference. One of the things that made me cry was giving a little girl a hug after playing with her. She quickly said to me that she didn't know white people would be so nice. Something is sooo screwed up with our world when children say things like this. At least she can now know that love doesn't have to be based on color any more in her world.
I thank God for letting me be able to serve in some ways during this mess. Even though I wasn't as used as I could have been, I cherish and am thankful for the times which I was able to be used and show God's love.

Katrina Tears --- Part 1

Gosh, I hate crying soo much in a day that I can't seem to think of other things. Especially on my way home tonight I just kept sobbing once I saw the refugees in the normally vacant motels on my street! Soooo many people have no place of their own for at least 2mths. The people of LA get to be Texans for bit. The images of the people being rescued and then having to wait on the bridges till the buses could help them get out brought so many tears. Then the shock of a man that had been rescued and was safe on the overpass jumping to his death from the overpass. I understand some of the bitterness that these people felt on the bridge, but it is sad that our level of patience is sooo lessened during tragedy. I want to work on that within my self. By morning those people will live in the Astrodome and other houston areas. Just thinking about the people who went to the Superdome having to come here after not having water or electricity since Monday. Three days without a shower...oh my! Of course even worse are those who have waded through the murky waters to safety or those who have been rescued off their roofs after days! I'm HATE the looting...it isn't so much the theft that is bothering me as the blantant disregard for the situation and the need to get out.
I am PISSED that I heard someone on the religious station say that Katrina came through New Orleans because of God wanting to show his power in such a city of sin. That is a load of crap! God is NOT going to do that. Also it is wrong since it was the day after Katrina that the New Orleans area was destroyed. There is much good for God in New Orleans. There are some growing churches and serious faith work being done!
Which this is a large part of my thoughts. I couldn't not think on Sunday about a hurricane testimony Ms.Linda used to tell. I heard her give it many times. She was about to evacuate with the semester missionaries, but she didn't because some of the teens were stuck there. Parents had left without their teens! There were about 10 of them if I recall. She got them together and they stayed and survived the storm in the center. There is no way they could have done that this time. I finnally saw on the news some of the 11th ward near Tchoupitoulas side. Very clearly is was also under much water which really didn't surprise me after enduring the many rainy bread days there. The other thing I have thought about today is hope. With one of the teens at the center, the quote I came away with is "why doesn't harrold feel hope?" I have prayed about this for him since I left. New Orleans Seminary is one of the very few places that is above sea level but they do know there is some damage and at one of the off site residences. I am very curious about the decision that they will make on Friday for this semester. (Dr.Paula and Jacksons, I'm praying for you!) I heard yesterday morning on the radio a woman from Metarie. I trembled when she talked about the water on Bonnabell in the old part of Metarie. This is where I went for church. I loved this church. I lived through the spring of 2000 because of this church. I learned real evangelism because of this church. I am sad to know that the building has received damage but I'm sadder to know that these people will have to endure two homes of healing.
Point to Ponder: Will my prayers finally make me secure in knowing that God is in control?

Fake Christians Make Me GRRRRR

GRRRRRRRR! Why do some ignorant souls have to make it so hard to let others know what God's love really is! EVEN worse to me is that this is happening at the funerals of soldiers.
quote:
The Rev. Fred Phelps, founder of Westboro Baptist in Kansas, contends that American soldiers are being killed in Iraq as vengeance from God for protecting a country that harbors gays. The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps' children, grandchildren and in-laws.
This Phelps guy is really the leader of a cult if you ask me so I'm willing to send in the feds to stop them! I'd rather have David Koresh than this idiot who wants to pretend to be following God. What a way to have a church...birth them! And people are opposed to women being actual biblical leaders yet we have this fool going to funerals. A real Christian knows that the signs should be "God hates Sin" which of course includes Phelps sin of hatred on people. The bible speaks to false teachers alot also...shame on him for being one.
(grrrrrrr...being annoyed with false Christians so not the way to begin a Sunday morning)

The only thing I can think right now of how to apply this to me is to not keep these annoyance feelings before heading to church service. Thankfully I have sometime to listen to Enter His Gates to try to get in the right frame of heart again.

White dress?

ok...I really have no desire 95% of the time to get married but the whole idea of blowing off the stupid traditions that so many find vital is extremely appealing! One of which is the whole white dress concept which is broken by so many because the image of the bride being a virgin is so rare even for those married in a church as Christians. (also annoys me that people the the female has to wear white yet the male doesn't need to wear white....just stupid) But one of the things I'd break about this is to not wear the white dress. I figure it is not all the onlookers business about my virginity or my future mates...since so many I know wore white and it is very clear they had no concept of waiting for sex. As I had this thought today because I spilled red koolaid on my white shirt today. I totally remembered hearing through out my life about not wearing white. Seriously, my mom really didn't want to purchase white things for me because I'd be so hard on it. So it would make sense to me that a dress to celebrate and worship a new beginning would not be white for me.
Just a random thought today that I thought I'd share.

First Day of School

Sadly this was a difficult to complete day it seemed for all four of us. A teen annoyed, a teacher in traffic, a elder bruised, and me with too many changes/mishaps. What a way to begin the new year.

The changes are the much earlier time and the cost of gas. Thankfully I've been trying to train my brain some during the last few weeks, but leaving at the time I used to get up is a challenge. I am the one that was able to get 10 and 11am classes through almost all of my college years. (of course Meredith would be the one that screwed up that record!) So I'm learning to adapt by getting to bed earlier and changing my routine somewhat. The cost of gas really shocked me when I went to fill up my tank yesterday. I had $20 on my Wal~mart card and it didn't fill up the tank on my little car! UGH. So I have to be more creative now and entertaining my grandma as we are at her home...we can't just watch television all day. hopefully the prices will actually go back down after labor day! I know that we certainly will be doing more walks when the temperature gets less. Just difficult knowing we are needing to stay in doors. (perhaps think pre-paid GAS cards for my birthday...isn't that sad?)
The mishaps were the rabbits being out free. I enjoy animals but needing to be responsible for so many gets annoying especially when I think that the owner could have prevented this escape. The rain meant we couldn't sit on the porch today to watch the school kids coming home. (it was also a blessing for it cooled things for a moment) Grandma needed two baths today and she kept walking without her walker. I got very frustrated with this. I truly hate who I am when I have this frustration.
Soooo how do I apply what I need to do so the entire year doesn't bring me down? I gotta use that time before grandma gets up in the morning to give God control of my day. I'm gonna start doing some biblical reading there in the morning. I'm also gonna make sure I sing a couple of songs and give him praise for the privilege of being called to help my grandma. Then on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am going to have grandma have a small God focus time with me. I know she will not remember it but I think that for me doing it with her it will help us have a better day together. She doesn't pray in the inspiring way that she used to but somehow I still believe that God listens to her pray and answers her more speedily.
Time to get some sleep for Day 2.

Another Explosion?

There was yet another explosion at the BP plant in TxCity. UGH. I will put in a link to the local paper tomorrow because I'll prefer it's reporting of it. All the news has said that the explosion was around 6pm. I was blessed for I wasn't out driving by the plant to get home at that time. However, we are very curious about the explosion because we heard a small boom around 7:30. I have no clue what that was about then. I saw no smoke in the sky when I was driving home around 6:30pm, so it doesn't make any sense to me with the news reports I've heard on the local news and read on line. Thankfully there have been NO injuries reported. Lets just hope it doesn't stink too much in the morning to get to grandma's home.