Not So Welcome Visitor

Today the parents of one of the people in my WBS class came to our class and for lunch afterwards. The father was certainly a fundamentalist. His tongue was like a sword for many of his statements about the make-up of our class. Here are two of the things that he said.
1. He is going to tell a young single boy to find a church with a singles class so that he can find someone to date. (UGH UGH....this is totally why I HATE being identified as a single)
2. 20 somethings don't like to read a book. (so why make them? know you demographic and reach to where they are. I also know this isn't true because if a 20something is interested then they will read.)
I was hyper today from lack of sleep due to seeing Ronnie Milsap and Austin Miller, but I did calm down my attack back a little bit. I'm sure it didn't seem so. He was talking to our class during lunch saying things that were wrong because he doesn't know us. When someone offends me or another, I'm going to tell them because I'm not a punching bag. I did make the attempt to apologize for my tone, but that probably failed also.
It just makes me sick...really it does...that we have a bible study leader that wants to reach, truly reach, the people who the church has forgotten, yet we have classmates that don't see that need and vision. It hurts to know that people don't want to adapt to meet these needs. This is the mission field we need to learn to reach.
Point of Ponderment: Will I be in worship again soon because this class really isn't for me?

Helen R. Walton

Death really sucks even if you know without a doubt that someone has gone to Heaven. Famous death is even stranger because there is so many people looking into your personal world. I know we've had alot of death this week, but this is the first that really effected me. Mrs.Helen died of being old unlike the other major deaths of this week. Still it is odd how all of these are so public.
Helen R. Walton was such a giver. She is also a very funny woman. She was a great grandmother. Lynne Walton even said she was a good mother in law.
I had the occasion to meet and speak with her a few times. In high school, I had a car and my friends didn't so I also carried around the siblings of my friends at times. We had to take them over to the Walton house for a birthday party one day. Helen let us through the gate and greeted her young guests. We giggled and said good-bye just to be happy to leave the little brothers. The next time I was officially introduced to Mrs.Helen was when I went to a Luncheon to learn about Cottey. I mainly spoke to the alumnae and Alice Walton that afternoon, but she gave me a good old lady hug and prayed for my college decision. When I was working at the Children's Center that summer, she remembered me and wished me luck as she was touring through the center. The following January, I went to an evening meeting of the women who supported my college to report. After sharing about my Cottey experiences to that point, we closed the meeting with their traditional prayer or saying. Mrs. Helen called me back over to her car. She spoke with such love and again prayed for everything I was learning and experiencing. She truly believed God would guide me through the semester. This was the semester that I accepted my call from God to ministry. I only spoke with her one more time. After I graduated from Cottey, I went to a tea to say thank-you for supporting me through my time at Cottey.
I will always treasure the special times she had in my life. Even if she wasn't known all over for money, I know that I will keep her words in my heart.

Recommendations

"The recommendations should address qualities such as spiritual maturity, motivation, self-confidence, initiative and commitment to doing God's work."

I really don't know if I could write a reference for myself. I know that I can and do want to actually follow my calling again, but the process is so frightening. That self-confidence word really makes me want to just stop all of this and forget it. I don't know that I could ever live through having my prayers evaluated again. When the politics aren't involved, I can serve and serve well. I have the motivation and initiative. Even here at the apartments, I have tried to do things with a ministry mindset for the kids. There is terror (really it is terror) within me when I consider being questioned about why Meredith, being fat, and last witnessing opportunity. Last night I tried to convey to others the need for prayer on this, but sadly I know that it is impossible for me to explain the difference of this application process. I know that this is actually worse for me because of NAMB. Hopefully Monday Karen will be able to see the real potential in me and the fear will not be what I present.
pondering: what will it be like when I have to apply to seminary again?

Too Numb for Ice Cream?

Today was free ice cream day at Ben and Jerry's. It is a cool thing they do each spring to get to try some of the new flavors or have the classics they only offer in summer. While I did have time to make the journey today, I just wasn't motivated to have that enjoyment. Isn't that odd since ice cream is usually comforting thing. Just really realizing what Abbie faced and is facing is just crappy. Attacks on people within hours of the shootings is just a horrible part of American free speech. Lets not complain that Bush went to VA. Lets not complain the day of shootings about the communication of the administration. Lets not make this a political battle about guns. Maybe, ice cream should have been passed out to the reporters in VA to be able to make the quiet for while.
Let the ice cream by cold not the reporters.

What is a date?

Something that is really annoying is when two people of the opposite sex can't go do an activity together without it being called a date. Granted I'll use the date word for saying when I do anything with just one other person...male or female. I resent that people make the assumption that it is a romantic interest date when the person is male and it is just the two of us. It is possible to play games, have dinner, go bowling, watch a movie, attend a concert, or have conversation with someone of the opposite sex without it being romantic/sexual. I've done it! No wonder I'm forced to be so private with my life.
One of the great things about Meredith (which I know I don't say many good things about it) was being able to develop platonic relationships with the boys of NCSU. Some of them wanted to see how many Meredith events they could get invited to. I worked so hard as a Junior Senator for Male Visitation that I made sure we had boys come visit us to show the success. When visiting Gary, it was just normal like going to another dorm except there were boys. Ok...that is not true because there was a hall bath so that was weird. But watching movies or helping him with a project didn't matter just because he was a boy.
Just would soo like for it to be ok to be normal!

Today's Torture

I don't really like using the word "torture" when there are so many people fighting a war where this occurs in very harsh and real ways. I like the way the double Ts work together though, so the title sticks.

I do survey's often that friends send instead of writing emails. I like them, and often have fun with them. One of the questions that is asked on many of them is about favorite holiday. Well, there should be a least like holiday also. For that would be today for me.
I hate April 1st/April Fools Day. There is already enough within me to not trust people that making a full day of it just makes me want to go into hiding. My mother woke my sister and I up one year by screaming about a mouse that proved to not be there because it was April Fools. Well, some months later I was awakened again because of a mouse scaring my mother. The second time it was real but I didn't believe her fear. I'm the baby grandkid so teasing and protection is what I receive especially from my male cousins. Last year on April Fools Day, I'm told that there is no money for my expenses. While being sickened with fear for what we'd do next, I kept wondering when he was going to call and stop that sick joke. He never called. Sadly, I despise this day so much that I have a hard time helping kids to enjoy it. Many kids have actual fun with the day, but adults tend to make the day into a competition instead of foolishness.
As Christians, we aren't given a day off to hurt each other. This day could be about being foolish instead. Living the day with joy...wearing clothing that doesn't match, eating with odd utensils, playing a childhood game, or jumping in those rain puddles. If only it didn't have to be about bringing more of a lack of trust into relationships.

So I'm an Austin fan

The city of Austin not a place a want to be. The man "Austin" is truly someone worth knowing. I don't think it would be appropriate to say that he is where I want to be. yikes! (shhh...Lestlie)
I posted my last communication from Austin. Well after this final show, I had to write again to let him know we still care and believe.
I think I also learned something about myself through watching him. I really do miss being surrounded by people who are similar to me. Even though there are a variety of personalities, at camp, college, and seminary I fit into my clique. There were people that wanted to discuss religious topics in a fun way, people who would talk about new kids items, people who could talk about stupid TV shows and tragedies in life, people who could sense it was time to pray and believe the prayer would work, and people who supported you because they understood not because they were trying to be nice. Common goals and Christ were bonds that we have. I know that I haven't felt that much in six years. I am often a less than person now, and the Christ focus isn't as high. I've never been a "Jesus Freak" but people knew who I was different. I've lost that person and I don't know how to get her back even though I've made some attempts.
When watching Grease:You're the One that I Want, you couldn't tell many of these people were faith based. You could see a different light in some of them. I got to read about how some of them are different. Austin is someone I enjoyed from the beginning, and then he is from the area and a Christian. I do hope God brings him to star on Broadway. If God doesn't, then I hope that Austin does know his walk is making a difference in this world.



http://www.orbitfiles.com/download/id1311878425

**************************************
RE: Still VERY Capable
Body: Ya know, Janna, everyone in the show loves Jesus big time. It was so cool.
Thanks for the encouragement. The whole experience on Grease was life-altering! I made some amazing friends, and some great industry contacts. The phone is ringing off the hook.
Thanks for voting, and for the kind words.

XOXO,
Austin

It's Laundry Season

So I was walking around the COM pond the other day. I couldn't believe my eyes when the ducks were totally letting me know that Spring was here and it was time to mate. They were sooo twitterpated! Gosh some of them were soo dang agressive also. Can I be that snippy of a female when a guy jumps at me? One of the ducks did do that flirtation dance and then pounced! Yep...fluff the feathers all purty to get the ladies attention. Sucky that I've been enjoying the fluffing around me lately. Thankfully God has been in control even when not asked and the pouncing hasn't commenced. But oh...the ducky seems to want to do laundry. UGH!

International Hooters

What they aren't serving Kosher? Is that a surprise since so many are made of plastic.

FAN MAIL

LOOKY...I got an email from Grease: You're the one that I Want's Austin!
From:
Austin
http://www.myspace.com/redzuko
Date: Mar 19, 2007 7:35 AM
Date Sent: 3/19/2007 7:35:00 AM
Body:Thank you soo much. I really appreciate the support. I'm overwhelmed right now!-Austin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: DuckAngel
Date: Mar 18, 2007 5:21 PM
I may have to drive to Alvin tomorrow just to feel the red love. I think it would have been fun to see you in an Island Musical close to home. So glad you have been so positive despite things said about you. I've loved watching you on this show...even if you weren't from so close."
Subject:
RE: YEAH FOR THE TEXAN

Love and Trust

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal... lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket... it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis

CS Lewis was one smart man. I know this about love and I think that is why trust is such a part of love for me. Even in simple relationships with the Sonic Car Hop gal, a co-worker, or the ducks at COM, I give them kindness/love and in some way I expect that back. Is this the Christian way or am I being jealous? Such an odd thing to encounter hate from people/things that you have done nothing harmful to. At least God still loves us through it all even when we hurt Him.

Celeb Connections

I've had something odd happen since visiting the Rosie Blog. She has it open for people to make comments or ask questions. Three times I have received a response! Isn't that odd? So many people complain about not even hearing a hello, but she picks mine for some reason. Now I don't always agree or understand her responses. It is very interesting to consider the connection that I seem to have to Rosie. It is so odd.

Here is the most recent:
Janna writes:
Rosie…the thing you wish you had but can’t afford is peace and love for all.
tangible
not dreams

Interesting Survey

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/">How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Ducky Christmas Finding

Traditional Rubber Duck You are uncomplicated and straightforward. You are the duck other ducks are based on – the quintessential rubber duck. What-type-of-rubber-duck-are-you quiz brought to you by the rubber duck lovers at RubaDuck Click to find out what kind of duck you are!

Family Blog connections

I was given the correct address for a family members blog tonight. How wonderful it is to see pictures of family that I haven't seen in almost 15yrs. These are some very God focused people. Little Sheldonroony is getting married! Yep it kinda still makes my head spin. Heck he posted about having champagne on the boat and I'm think this 10yr old better not be having champagne. So sad that we age but have trouble seeing others as too. Although I love the depth that he has and shares. (yes I know that was poor grammar) He also has that artistic streak that someone needed to have. Seeing his skill in pictures really makes me wonder about the whole Nature/Nurture debate. His great grandma is/was an artist. She tried to develop that in me, her grand daughter. He has that nack for patience and the eye for beauty. Yet, the connection isn't through genes. Makes one wonder if God planned that trait to develop again for a reason. hummm... So much wonderment through loss of connection, but still so much aww.
It sadly also makes me desire more contact with Joyce. Yet, I still don't feel safe mentioning that to my family. hummm...pondering that.