A year ago today

May 9, 2007 - Ruth Martin Carwile died at age 98. (still sounds stupid to me to give information about a loved one like that) When I started planning to go to TN, I knew I was going to go in May. What I hadn't thought about was how close I'd be going to the anniversary of gma's death. Last night and lots of today, I was thinking about her creativity and attitudes toward people. She had this nature about her that would completely block out someone from her life if they hurt a family member or her. She really could hold a grudge for a long time. However, she was also someone that supported and loved her close family. Almost every time we were with her, we played board or card games. She was a very private person overall, yet another trait I developed. I think it would have been awesome to be able to read a diary of her earlier years. Next week, I'm going to see her son that took amazingly great watch and care for his mother for many years. I hope I can come up with a way to honor him and her memory while visiting with them.

Wal~Mart Tonight

Tonight I was in the line at Wal~mart for WAY TO LONG. I went to get ice, gas treatment, gas card load, and Mac&Cheese. Of course, I got more than that...but whatever. After texting, talking to mom/dad (that should be a side story), and reading a trashy magazine, I checked out. Then I had to get the bag of ice. This was one of those times they had someone going over those receipts. Well, ends up that I freakin knew the guy that was doing that tonight. He recogized me right away. Sadly, it took me a moment to figure out how I'd seen him before. When he asked why I hadn't called him back and if I lost his number, I had to figure out what that was about quickly in my head. UGH...I went on a date with him over a year ago. I said I didn't save most numbers from my old phone. Yep...liar liar pants on fire! I stood there talking to him for about 5mins. He tried to give me his number, but I didn't really want to deal with that. I gave him my "business card" hoping it would be lost during the next week which I made sure to say I'd be gone for. Craziness! What the freak was I thinking? I totally clued to my actions when he talked about going to a movie again. Seriously, women we have too much power in goofy situations...most likely for stupid reasons.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Survivor...those fans really haven't been that bright. NEVER EVER give up your immunity! Women players that last are always evil...always! UGH...Erik even in a life women are tough to trust and these women want the title and $1 Million. UGH...totally proof of how much power women actually do have over men. This would be the reason to worry about a woman leader of the country...cause we will outsmart you boys! The finale should be interesting.

Funny Names

The past couple of weeks we've had an interesting and fun name to say at work. Now I'll play with names many times just to make the day less stressfull. The deceased name that we are smiling about right now is Harry Johnson. Yeah, go on and giggle if you want!

*yes I know it isn't very appropriate, but it is funny!

Exciting External Focus

UBC is a very missional/externally focused church. We are working on getting better at being locally exterally focused which thrills me...but really that is more about better organization for things members are already involved in. Last night as one of those leadership meetings (this was one that I we didn't really do any work in which was odd) and we learned of a more direct goal our church is going to be involved with for FY09. We are partnering with a church in New Orleans. My heart is totally smiling. I wanted to clap last night when I heard this. This may be my opportunity to go on the first mission trip of my life. I truly "Love This City" and am delighted to know that we are looking to head there. Learning more information will be great...i'm very curious as to what church it would be. How perfect if it was Metarie Baptist! What a total blessing of opportunity!

Value and Money

What is it that gives things values? I remember this being a topic in one of my classes at Meredith. Sometimes really good products can be found at a $1 store or resale shop;sometimes it is crap. Sometimes crap is at Macy's or the boutique; sometimes there are great items. Both ways we kinda have to search for the good values.
Isn't it the same way with people? Hummm...or maybe we are susposed to just value all people equally. (isn't that in scripture? well for the churches that pay attention to that scripture.) Lately, I've just really had my fill of gossipy judgements from people around me. These are just the ones that I've heard. (Terrible to think what they might be saying about me as well.) Often comments are made about clothing and education from people. Just because someone hasn't had the money for spending on clothing, they shouldn't be devalued for it. Just because some doesn't have the same school to go to, they be seen as a mission project. They can be great people with out being the same. This is a lesson we should get as kids, yet sadly don't.

Switching Security

Sucks that I feel the need to go to invited only. It shouldn't be that way Views and opinions should be allowed to be openly expressed, but I know some don't get how to allow for that. Since division can occur through people being stupid about differing views, I'm having to limit myself here at least for a bit. This is probably one of the worst things to happen for me an using a blog because I loved the comments even if not published that I had for awhile from some that were/are very different from me. hopefully limiting and needing to feel safe with expression will not last long.

JaNNa

My first name has two N's in it. This may sound pety, yet I want my name written with two N's from people I know. At work, I don't care if my name is said wrong or splled wrong by families. When I'm with people who are my friends or that I am in church with, I don't get why my name can't be spelled correctly. At camp, we did this thing about God knowing our name. I guess that is really all that should matter, but I want people who claim to love me to spell my name right. For me, it is almost evidence of a lack of really knowing me. I promise I am not spelling my name wrong...there really are two Ns! When Amy started writing my name with capital N's, I thought it would be rude to also do. Perhaps Amy was on to something to help people get it right. I know that I want to get others names right...if it ends in a Y or I or is spelled with a PH or V. Small details to show care...not really overly tough.

Collide/UBC

"The worship gathering is just one aspect of Collide. Our Sunday School class falls under the Collide Young Adult Ministry. The worship service is the newest part of the Young Adult Ministry. I know that is might not be your thing but we really need your help. We need you to commit to coming to the Worship Service for 6-12 months to help us build it up. Please commit once a month to coming to the Sunday Night Gathering. Collide is not just the worship gathering it is all the young adult small groups and bible study classes that we have at our church. I think alot of people thought they were two separate things."
They SHOULD be two separate things. It is also a church plant. If you join UBC then be apart of the damn church, don't just be apart of a clique of people. Yes it can be important to appeal to certain age groups outside the church and even in the church, but making it be the only way to be is wrong. There is so much to gain by being fully involved with the church. It makes me frustrated that people aren't being encouraged to be involved with the entire church! I am NOT apart of Collide. I don't want to be apart of Collide. I hate being forced into being apart of Collide. Don't put a crappy label on me! My role in the church (not the church plant of Collide) is to help people belong, but forcing some to belong in a collision isn't positive to me.
UGH!

Really for me

"Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life" by Philip Simmons
a book I should probably try to find and read. if I can figure out how to focus while reading again...ugh.

"As a culture we have accomplished a great deal by seeing life as a set of problems to be solved...we learned our method from the Greeks. From childhood on we are taught to be little Aristotles. We observe the world, we break down what we see into its component parts. We perceive problems and set about solving them, laying out our solutions in ordered sequenced like the instructions for assembling a child's bicycle. We have gotten so good at this method that we apply it to everything...we choose to see life as a technical matter."

Watch the lamb

I should make the effort to go get the song for those who don't know it but you can do that yourself. Perhaps I'll do it at a later time.
The song Watch the Lamb is my favorite Easter song. I just happened to flip through the channels and it was on tonight. Friday, I mentioned it to Dennis because I think it is a song in his range. It is an older song...like from the 80's.
The song is about a family coming for passover. The children are to watch the lamb for the sacrifice. Then they come upon the road as Jesus and the criminals were being sent to cruxifiction. It is a great song about how we don't always immediately get that Jesus did the sacrifice for it. I also treasure the teachable moment that the father was able to have with his children. As Jesus is nailed,naked, bleeding, and caring, the father tells his children to watch the Lamb. Children can safely hear and experience the gospel message.
Yet, it is adults who are close to me that I pray would watch the lamb. This is even bothering this weekend more than others. It sucks that the bulk of my WBS class (either one) isn't really a comfortable place for me to think like this. Perhaps this is why not enough people turn to Watch the Lamb.

NOT Toasted

Waited for a bit for KFC Wrap. 3 attempts and THIS is what I got.
CRAPPINESS! Eat McDonald's Instead!

Shakin Jesus In

Today is tough. ok this morning is tough. It is just so hard to hear disappointment from people who are getting to have a child in their lives. I just wish that she could be convinced about the love that is so ever present. If only she could know that God has the power to love her through this time. If only I could push the love into her so that she could know that she is living a blessing. Yes, she wants the time to feel these feelings, but I really want to help fix the situation. Sadly, all that matters really is her drastic need for Jesus. This "suffering" that she is feeling doesn't equate to much if she only would accept all that God has already done for her. CRAPOLA...why does it have to be so damn hard to let others understand about what Christianity offers?

Honest Horoscopes

"One of your friendships is starting to feel one-sided -- and you are not on the right side. Do you feel like you are giving more than you get? Compromising more than they do? If so, it's time to have a one-on-one conversation with them. Let them know that you feel like something is up, and ask them if their feelings for you have changed. The answers won't clarify anything for you immediately, but that's not important. You just need to establish this kind of openness between the two of you."

I am not sure that I completely wanting to agree with this, but I know that I have been thinking this as well. Granted I don't know that it is wise to clarify when there has been high amounts of openness before. Relationships can be so tough...ugh!

Primary Elections

I have no clue how late I am going to stay up tonight. Sadly I have thought about my voting history tonight. I have only voted for the winning president once since i started voting in 1992. (that makes me sound old) I voted for Bush in 2004 because I too was glossy eyed into the view of protection for the USA. Even with that sad reality of my voting history in the presidential election, I still love the political process! Tonight, when i knew the very sad new was coming, I still cried just a little while listening to Huckabee concede. He is a man, who I truly respect and believe he cares about the people he serves. But I must move on...ugh!
Throughout my life i have loved everything about learning about America. It didn't matter if I was in social studies or listening to a "home" missions missonary or being around someone that had just gone on a vacation, I would still be excited to hear and/or learn. Then of course I had the opportunity to go to Arkansas Girls State which I really think has the main effect on how I think about politics. Heck, I went back for three years as counselor. The caucus was the way to get elected on every level...especially the higher ones. I considered going tonight, but I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it on my own. Isn't that odd when I was alone in high school. Granted we were all alone in our towns. Still I like hearing the counting results, the reasons, the speeches, and seeing the pride. The politics is almost as strong for me as my faith...scary I'm sure to some. Still I want to complain about not getting my "I Voted" sticker.
The thing that has bothered me the most today is the way people voted. People purposefully voted in the democractic race when they normally vote republican. I heard that from the media on three of the channels. To go vote just to try to pick who could be the loser in the other party is not the way this should work. It also has been proven to fail...just watch big brother! Now, I may have thrown away my vote by voting for Huckabee, but I also got to vote for the rest of the ticket that mattered to me. It really does sicken me that people who go vote for the loser. This isn't American Idol where we vote for Sanjia just because it bugs people. These people who thought they would go vote for the loser could really have a hand in hurting OUR country.
Labels certainly aren't something that i really enjoy, but I do get their importance. The label of Republican fits me best...out of the choices. In actuality, I'm a Liberal republican most days. I like for my governmental decision to be made on the more local level. I like expecting people to do more for themselves. I looked at a few polls to try to decide about more of the local people. On some of the issues that I still have trouble knowing what I believe on, I loved seeing that a politican got that it was tough as well. Sucks that i have to wait for these results till the morning...perhaps i should have gone to the caucas. Just wish that decisions didn't have to be so tough.
I'm finally signing off of this and Hillary looks like she might be declared the Texas winner, yet caucasing has yet to be completed. What a future 6mths of race running we have!