Shakin Jesus In

Today is tough. ok this morning is tough. It is just so hard to hear disappointment from people who are getting to have a child in their lives. I just wish that she could be convinced about the love that is so ever present. If only she could know that God has the power to love her through this time. If only I could push the love into her so that she could know that she is living a blessing. Yes, she wants the time to feel these feelings, but I really want to help fix the situation. Sadly, all that matters really is her drastic need for Jesus. This "suffering" that she is feeling doesn't equate to much if she only would accept all that God has already done for her. CRAPOLA...why does it have to be so damn hard to let others understand about what Christianity offers?

Honest Horoscopes

"One of your friendships is starting to feel one-sided -- and you are not on the right side. Do you feel like you are giving more than you get? Compromising more than they do? If so, it's time to have a one-on-one conversation with them. Let them know that you feel like something is up, and ask them if their feelings for you have changed. The answers won't clarify anything for you immediately, but that's not important. You just need to establish this kind of openness between the two of you."

I am not sure that I completely wanting to agree with this, but I know that I have been thinking this as well. Granted I don't know that it is wise to clarify when there has been high amounts of openness before. Relationships can be so tough...ugh!

Primary Elections

I have no clue how late I am going to stay up tonight. Sadly I have thought about my voting history tonight. I have only voted for the winning president once since i started voting in 1992. (that makes me sound old) I voted for Bush in 2004 because I too was glossy eyed into the view of protection for the USA. Even with that sad reality of my voting history in the presidential election, I still love the political process! Tonight, when i knew the very sad new was coming, I still cried just a little while listening to Huckabee concede. He is a man, who I truly respect and believe he cares about the people he serves. But I must move on...ugh!
Throughout my life i have loved everything about learning about America. It didn't matter if I was in social studies or listening to a "home" missions missonary or being around someone that had just gone on a vacation, I would still be excited to hear and/or learn. Then of course I had the opportunity to go to Arkansas Girls State which I really think has the main effect on how I think about politics. Heck, I went back for three years as counselor. The caucus was the way to get elected on every level...especially the higher ones. I considered going tonight, but I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it on my own. Isn't that odd when I was alone in high school. Granted we were all alone in our towns. Still I like hearing the counting results, the reasons, the speeches, and seeing the pride. The politics is almost as strong for me as my faith...scary I'm sure to some. Still I want to complain about not getting my "I Voted" sticker.
The thing that has bothered me the most today is the way people voted. People purposefully voted in the democractic race when they normally vote republican. I heard that from the media on three of the channels. To go vote just to try to pick who could be the loser in the other party is not the way this should work. It also has been proven to fail...just watch big brother! Now, I may have thrown away my vote by voting for Huckabee, but I also got to vote for the rest of the ticket that mattered to me. It really does sicken me that people who go vote for the loser. This isn't American Idol where we vote for Sanjia just because it bugs people. These people who thought they would go vote for the loser could really have a hand in hurting OUR country.
Labels certainly aren't something that i really enjoy, but I do get their importance. The label of Republican fits me best...out of the choices. In actuality, I'm a Liberal republican most days. I like for my governmental decision to be made on the more local level. I like expecting people to do more for themselves. I looked at a few polls to try to decide about more of the local people. On some of the issues that I still have trouble knowing what I believe on, I loved seeing that a politican got that it was tough as well. Sucks that i have to wait for these results till the morning...perhaps i should have gone to the caucas. Just wish that decisions didn't have to be so tough.
I'm finally signing off of this and Hillary looks like she might be declared the Texas winner, yet caucasing has yet to be completed. What a future 6mths of race running we have!

What I am Watching

I am still at Karen and Scott's home. I'm watching a show on LOGO called Camp Out. You can click the link for it in the title. It is a Christian camp for Gay teens. i would love to have the opportunity to talk about this movie/documentary with someone, but I have no clue who I'd watch or talk about it with. They have lots of true conversations that are great and I would love for christians to be able to see this. I still don't know what all I believe about being GLBT, but I do know that we have screwed up as a Christian society. I despise the fact that we choose to focus on this as a sin yet my being obese, a pastor's lies, a rocket scientist's snobbery, or a housewife's lack of love is just blown over. I want to be in a place of truth of God's love. Sometimes people blame it on age, but I really don't believe that is true either. I know some very open older people and I'm proud to know them. I'm uncomfortable saying that it is right, but what an amazing lovely concept to be able to be seeking God. Now if only we could have leadership for all that are also seeking God. Would it be possible to have a camp for a diverse group of people? What a wonderful prayer we should have.

Ringing

I love handbells! I love jingle bells! I love cowbells! I even love door bells!
Bells usually signify something to pay attention to that is coming. Even a fire bell is for a warning. I like it when kids have the bells on their shoes. They seem to just have a happier sound. When I listen to a good handbell choir, I can be entranced by the wonderful ringing that is done. There is that stupid quote from that WAY too long Christmas movie. "When a bell rings an angel gets its wings." I think when a bell rings it can make the listener fly whether it be to action or to a deep spiritual thinking.
A goal has to be to listen more intently for the bells around me.

Finally Blogger Time

Since I haven't gotten a computer yet, I haven't had time to type out thoughts. What a weird last five months I have had. Working in a funeral home certainly does test me. It is also interesting to work with such a variety of people. I have almost completed the learning curve time. I actually think the learning curve changes. It is just odd because everyone does things so differently there. I certainly work way too many hours. I wish I could figure out how to make it not have to be and 8-5 job with only a little lunch break. It seems like everyone gets overtime. It is crazy because part of the problem is the cross knowledge and different opinions. Still even with all of that, I actually do like working there. I just wish I had more time for friends and Gma. I do think more about my family interactions now that I am there. Such an interesting life that we can lead when we are open to God's opportunities.

Too Old for Nightmares

Fears suck. I'm writing now cause I can't sleep I'm having stupid nightmare because of a picture...just a picture I saw at work. I'm not really sure who I can talk to this about, so I'm up a 2nd night crying and NOT sleeping. Who does a 33yr old tell that she is having nightmares because of a picture? I seriously need to not have such an active and imaginative mind because it is just making the staying up worse. People say to pray but that isn't really working so perhaps I need to figure out something else. I just really really want to sleep...my mood needs it!

Job offering

Well as all things have been stated in almost every business advice thing I've heard these last few months, I am considering a job I am only being offered through networking. PFFFFFFTTTTTTT to actually applying for jobs since getting them really is by word of mouth most of the time. This is what one hears over and over while doing the job search thing. So tonight I was offered a job by friends. It is a job that they believe I can do and now of the weirdness should effect me. Five years ago there is no way in heck I'd consider saying yes, but now I am about a 55% yes. It sucks that I don't really have a good person to bounce this around with because my closer friends are almost all connected someway to the offer. I said I would let them know on Monday. I hope that I can get some good clarity by then. Such an interesting thing for me to consider and accept. I wouldn't really be using my degree but...
sooo much ponderment!

I trust you

One thing that still fathoms me and freaks me out is when people say they trust me. Usually this means that they know I'm not going to be judgemental. I am honored that people feel this way, but I really don't understand it. I'm not doing anything special. I do say that choices aren't right, yet others still feel I'm not judgemental. Really it does blow my mind. (seriously, very open conversations from a lady who has had an abortion, a wife who commits adultery weekly, people who grow weed, first date sex, and eating disorders have been topics the past two weeks) Even though I don't get it, I know this is something I cherish and would love for it to be able to be incorporated into a job. I say incorporated into a job since it seems to not be a typical skill. That is just wrong ... I know it is true because it is why I don't reveal alot of my inward life. It would be wonderful to know why I have this characteristic. I really don't know what I exude (is that the right word?) that lets people know that I love them as they are. I can only say that I feel this to be true in three people currently in my life. Brittany is probably the person who I remember as an adult being the first person I experienced this from. She loves people...even the dark side of people. She never allows me to feel that I have to change to be loved...she shows mightly what God's love really is. I guess that is somewhat true in me although that scares me to say that. I think what makes it stand out for me with Brittany is that she is a strong Christian. Why is it so rare to know and experience this love amoung people who claim to be Christian friends? Just wish there were more people to interact with who held this type of love. Just wish I knew how others see it in me.

When to give up?

For the last month, I have been thinking about this. It is hard to know when to say that I can't take it anymore and settle for something. Does that mean I don't trust God to be in control and take care of me anymore or am I don't what God wants by humbling taking a position? This is somewhat a difficult thing to answer. Right now I'm a little pissed about this as well. In May, I was ready to say I'll go be a buggy getter at Wal~mart. My mother quickly turned that idea down and was upset that I was even considering it. Now, she is upset that I haven't gotten even a part-time job to supplement my income. What they heck? Why is it settling if it is going to pay the same? Looking back, I can honestly say that June has been really the only month that I've not been highly focused on achieving a good job. So I sit in on the seminar like thing this past week to hear about jobs. I wanted to practice interviews, but I missed that section because I was asked to speak with this woman. I was visibly disappointed after this. The woman I was speaking with couldn't grasp that I don't need a CDA. Then, she really felt that she needed to go into sharing her heart mode. UGH at myself, I sucked because I didn't want to listen to her. But this seminar thing was talking was somewhat through rose colored glasses, but one of the things that was most true was that good jobs come through good connections. Well, I haven't figured out how to make this true for me. I've even applied to two school districts, but I haven't figured out how to get into the inside track for them. I did get a UTMB interview, and I suspect it was because I went through the other channels. People kept acting impressed about that, but what the hell good does it do me if I still can't have a job. I would gladly take a semi-menial job in a good work environment as long as it wasn't too low of pay, but I don't desire to jump through hoops to get jobs like this. God does provide and I'm not doubting Him on that. I am doubting and getting upset with the process. Wednesday I'm going to this networking thing, hopefully more to be encouraged, I'm not sure what kind of contacts that I can really make at this thing.
It just really sucks that getting a job is really a sales thing. It is something that should be kept up with for years with past contacts as well. I really hate that I'm almost 33 and having to deal with this in my life. I've had to apply for positions before, but I was just me and got them. Now I have to learn all this crud to sale myself. UGH...and I know that being false is a large part of why I couldn't deal with being successful at Huntington. Hopefully this week will make the future seem brighter.

comments off on this...i needed more of a vent.

Updated 5 love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is
Quality Time

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
Take the quiz

I've known since the book came out that I was quality time. This of course is the toughest one to achieve alot of the time. Sometimes I wonder if for service oriented jobs if it would be helpful for bosses to know this about the people they are hiring. I know that I like salary jobs better so that the right amount of time can be spent devoted to the people involved. Granted the sucky part of that is sometimes others want to take your time. I think during the last five years or so, I have increase in seeing that words of affirmation are valuable even for me. As the Camp Worldlight staff begin to return, I am reminded how God allows camp to be so great because of the support from fellow camp staffers. The support uses all of these types of love. Perhaps this is why a bubble environment can be so great and pump us up so well for so long. Even in knowing the time, praise, service, gifts, and touch that abounds at camp, God sends in campers with so many physical, mental, and spiritual bruises. It is true that God provides what we need at the right time. He expects us to work together and use ourselves to achieve these great things for His glory.
*well I have a picture that I am trying to put here, but it shows in preview and not when I click to view it. hopefully it will be able to be added later.

Waiting

Cartoon by Dave Walker.

Hoping it is not delivered but believing it hasn't been written. Hummm...when did we start saying the "check is in the mail" when talking about email?

What's Janna's theological worldview?

I scored as a Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
I am an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. I believe that God's grace enables me to choose to believe in him, even though I myself am totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives me assurance of my salvation, and he also enables me to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. I am influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.
My second highest score was Emergent/Postmodern. I am Emergent/Postmodern in my theology. I feel alienated from older forms of church, I don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 79%
Emergent/Postmodern 68%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 57%
Neo orthodox 50%
Reformed Evangelical 50%
Classical Liberal 43%
Fundamentalist 43%
Modern Liberal 32%
Roman Catholic 29%

Sure the stuff of description is interesting, and I wish I had what it said for all of them. What I find really funny is how I'm equal scores for FUNDAMENTALIST and CLASSICAL LIBERAL. I do agree with the results as far as I know what they mean. I did expect my Emergent score to be hire but the reasoning make sense to me.

I don't want to teach

I don't want to teach. I don't have a passion for teaching. I get frustrated with being over a class. I purposefully took more administrative classes in college.
So What?
I'm going to have to apply to a freakin preschool/daycare so that I can semi-use my degree and finally be earning money again. THIS SUCKS!

Similar Names

This blog is for me.
I was just looking for pictures because MandI was over. I had wanted to share the photos that I had stolen at one time from the internet of Joyce. During that search I came to this article with a quote from a woman with the exact name of Joyce. Scary because it clearly wouldn't be something Joyce would say. Usually when I meet a Janna, I will ask them questions about personality. All the Janna's I have met have similar views and personalities. I am just surprised to see something so different.
Here is the article.
http://freaksforfun.tribe.net/thread/49c5698c-c389-495b-86f2-1249229fd5fe
Here is the how many of me thing again.
http://ww2.howmanyofme.com/search/
Still so odd.