Value and Money

What is it that gives things values? I remember this being a topic in one of my classes at Meredith. Sometimes really good products can be found at a $1 store or resale shop;sometimes it is crap. Sometimes crap is at Macy's or the boutique; sometimes there are great items. Both ways we kinda have to search for the good values.
Isn't it the same way with people? Hummm...or maybe we are susposed to just value all people equally. (isn't that in scripture? well for the churches that pay attention to that scripture.) Lately, I've just really had my fill of gossipy judgements from people around me. These are just the ones that I've heard. (Terrible to think what they might be saying about me as well.) Often comments are made about clothing and education from people. Just because someone hasn't had the money for spending on clothing, they shouldn't be devalued for it. Just because some doesn't have the same school to go to, they be seen as a mission project. They can be great people with out being the same. This is a lesson we should get as kids, yet sadly don't.

Switching Security

Sucks that I feel the need to go to invited only. It shouldn't be that way Views and opinions should be allowed to be openly expressed, but I know some don't get how to allow for that. Since division can occur through people being stupid about differing views, I'm having to limit myself here at least for a bit. This is probably one of the worst things to happen for me an using a blog because I loved the comments even if not published that I had for awhile from some that were/are very different from me. hopefully limiting and needing to feel safe with expression will not last long.

JaNNa

My first name has two N's in it. This may sound pety, yet I want my name written with two N's from people I know. At work, I don't care if my name is said wrong or splled wrong by families. When I'm with people who are my friends or that I am in church with, I don't get why my name can't be spelled correctly. At camp, we did this thing about God knowing our name. I guess that is really all that should matter, but I want people who claim to love me to spell my name right. For me, it is almost evidence of a lack of really knowing me. I promise I am not spelling my name wrong...there really are two Ns! When Amy started writing my name with capital N's, I thought it would be rude to also do. Perhaps Amy was on to something to help people get it right. I know that I want to get others names right...if it ends in a Y or I or is spelled with a PH or V. Small details to show care...not really overly tough.

Collide/UBC

"The worship gathering is just one aspect of Collide. Our Sunday School class falls under the Collide Young Adult Ministry. The worship service is the newest part of the Young Adult Ministry. I know that is might not be your thing but we really need your help. We need you to commit to coming to the Worship Service for 6-12 months to help us build it up. Please commit once a month to coming to the Sunday Night Gathering. Collide is not just the worship gathering it is all the young adult small groups and bible study classes that we have at our church. I think alot of people thought they were two separate things."
They SHOULD be two separate things. It is also a church plant. If you join UBC then be apart of the damn church, don't just be apart of a clique of people. Yes it can be important to appeal to certain age groups outside the church and even in the church, but making it be the only way to be is wrong. There is so much to gain by being fully involved with the church. It makes me frustrated that people aren't being encouraged to be involved with the entire church! I am NOT apart of Collide. I don't want to be apart of Collide. I hate being forced into being apart of Collide. Don't put a crappy label on me! My role in the church (not the church plant of Collide) is to help people belong, but forcing some to belong in a collision isn't positive to me.
UGH!

Really for me

"Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life" by Philip Simmons
a book I should probably try to find and read. if I can figure out how to focus while reading again...ugh.

"As a culture we have accomplished a great deal by seeing life as a set of problems to be solved...we learned our method from the Greeks. From childhood on we are taught to be little Aristotles. We observe the world, we break down what we see into its component parts. We perceive problems and set about solving them, laying out our solutions in ordered sequenced like the instructions for assembling a child's bicycle. We have gotten so good at this method that we apply it to everything...we choose to see life as a technical matter."

Watch the lamb

I should make the effort to go get the song for those who don't know it but you can do that yourself. Perhaps I'll do it at a later time.
The song Watch the Lamb is my favorite Easter song. I just happened to flip through the channels and it was on tonight. Friday, I mentioned it to Dennis because I think it is a song in his range. It is an older song...like from the 80's.
The song is about a family coming for passover. The children are to watch the lamb for the sacrifice. Then they come upon the road as Jesus and the criminals were being sent to cruxifiction. It is a great song about how we don't always immediately get that Jesus did the sacrifice for it. I also treasure the teachable moment that the father was able to have with his children. As Jesus is nailed,naked, bleeding, and caring, the father tells his children to watch the Lamb. Children can safely hear and experience the gospel message.
Yet, it is adults who are close to me that I pray would watch the lamb. This is even bothering this weekend more than others. It sucks that the bulk of my WBS class (either one) isn't really a comfortable place for me to think like this. Perhaps this is why not enough people turn to Watch the Lamb.

NOT Toasted

Waited for a bit for KFC Wrap. 3 attempts and THIS is what I got.
CRAPPINESS! Eat McDonald's Instead!

Shakin Jesus In

Today is tough. ok this morning is tough. It is just so hard to hear disappointment from people who are getting to have a child in their lives. I just wish that she could be convinced about the love that is so ever present. If only she could know that God has the power to love her through this time. If only I could push the love into her so that she could know that she is living a blessing. Yes, she wants the time to feel these feelings, but I really want to help fix the situation. Sadly, all that matters really is her drastic need for Jesus. This "suffering" that she is feeling doesn't equate to much if she only would accept all that God has already done for her. CRAPOLA...why does it have to be so damn hard to let others understand about what Christianity offers?

Honest Horoscopes

"One of your friendships is starting to feel one-sided -- and you are not on the right side. Do you feel like you are giving more than you get? Compromising more than they do? If so, it's time to have a one-on-one conversation with them. Let them know that you feel like something is up, and ask them if their feelings for you have changed. The answers won't clarify anything for you immediately, but that's not important. You just need to establish this kind of openness between the two of you."

I am not sure that I completely wanting to agree with this, but I know that I have been thinking this as well. Granted I don't know that it is wise to clarify when there has been high amounts of openness before. Relationships can be so tough...ugh!

Primary Elections

I have no clue how late I am going to stay up tonight. Sadly I have thought about my voting history tonight. I have only voted for the winning president once since i started voting in 1992. (that makes me sound old) I voted for Bush in 2004 because I too was glossy eyed into the view of protection for the USA. Even with that sad reality of my voting history in the presidential election, I still love the political process! Tonight, when i knew the very sad new was coming, I still cried just a little while listening to Huckabee concede. He is a man, who I truly respect and believe he cares about the people he serves. But I must move on...ugh!
Throughout my life i have loved everything about learning about America. It didn't matter if I was in social studies or listening to a "home" missions missonary or being around someone that had just gone on a vacation, I would still be excited to hear and/or learn. Then of course I had the opportunity to go to Arkansas Girls State which I really think has the main effect on how I think about politics. Heck, I went back for three years as counselor. The caucus was the way to get elected on every level...especially the higher ones. I considered going tonight, but I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it on my own. Isn't that odd when I was alone in high school. Granted we were all alone in our towns. Still I like hearing the counting results, the reasons, the speeches, and seeing the pride. The politics is almost as strong for me as my faith...scary I'm sure to some. Still I want to complain about not getting my "I Voted" sticker.
The thing that has bothered me the most today is the way people voted. People purposefully voted in the democractic race when they normally vote republican. I heard that from the media on three of the channels. To go vote just to try to pick who could be the loser in the other party is not the way this should work. It also has been proven to fail...just watch big brother! Now, I may have thrown away my vote by voting for Huckabee, but I also got to vote for the rest of the ticket that mattered to me. It really does sicken me that people who go vote for the loser. This isn't American Idol where we vote for Sanjia just because it bugs people. These people who thought they would go vote for the loser could really have a hand in hurting OUR country.
Labels certainly aren't something that i really enjoy, but I do get their importance. The label of Republican fits me best...out of the choices. In actuality, I'm a Liberal republican most days. I like for my governmental decision to be made on the more local level. I like expecting people to do more for themselves. I looked at a few polls to try to decide about more of the local people. On some of the issues that I still have trouble knowing what I believe on, I loved seeing that a politican got that it was tough as well. Sucks that i have to wait for these results till the morning...perhaps i should have gone to the caucas. Just wish that decisions didn't have to be so tough.
I'm finally signing off of this and Hillary looks like she might be declared the Texas winner, yet caucasing has yet to be completed. What a future 6mths of race running we have!

What I am Watching

I am still at Karen and Scott's home. I'm watching a show on LOGO called Camp Out. You can click the link for it in the title. It is a Christian camp for Gay teens. i would love to have the opportunity to talk about this movie/documentary with someone, but I have no clue who I'd watch or talk about it with. They have lots of true conversations that are great and I would love for christians to be able to see this. I still don't know what all I believe about being GLBT, but I do know that we have screwed up as a Christian society. I despise the fact that we choose to focus on this as a sin yet my being obese, a pastor's lies, a rocket scientist's snobbery, or a housewife's lack of love is just blown over. I want to be in a place of truth of God's love. Sometimes people blame it on age, but I really don't believe that is true either. I know some very open older people and I'm proud to know them. I'm uncomfortable saying that it is right, but what an amazing lovely concept to be able to be seeking God. Now if only we could have leadership for all that are also seeking God. Would it be possible to have a camp for a diverse group of people? What a wonderful prayer we should have.

Ringing

I love handbells! I love jingle bells! I love cowbells! I even love door bells!
Bells usually signify something to pay attention to that is coming. Even a fire bell is for a warning. I like it when kids have the bells on their shoes. They seem to just have a happier sound. When I listen to a good handbell choir, I can be entranced by the wonderful ringing that is done. There is that stupid quote from that WAY too long Christmas movie. "When a bell rings an angel gets its wings." I think when a bell rings it can make the listener fly whether it be to action or to a deep spiritual thinking.
A goal has to be to listen more intently for the bells around me.

Finally Blogger Time

Since I haven't gotten a computer yet, I haven't had time to type out thoughts. What a weird last five months I have had. Working in a funeral home certainly does test me. It is also interesting to work with such a variety of people. I have almost completed the learning curve time. I actually think the learning curve changes. It is just odd because everyone does things so differently there. I certainly work way too many hours. I wish I could figure out how to make it not have to be and 8-5 job with only a little lunch break. It seems like everyone gets overtime. It is crazy because part of the problem is the cross knowledge and different opinions. Still even with all of that, I actually do like working there. I just wish I had more time for friends and Gma. I do think more about my family interactions now that I am there. Such an interesting life that we can lead when we are open to God's opportunities.

Too Old for Nightmares

Fears suck. I'm writing now cause I can't sleep I'm having stupid nightmare because of a picture...just a picture I saw at work. I'm not really sure who I can talk to this about, so I'm up a 2nd night crying and NOT sleeping. Who does a 33yr old tell that she is having nightmares because of a picture? I seriously need to not have such an active and imaginative mind because it is just making the staying up worse. People say to pray but that isn't really working so perhaps I need to figure out something else. I just really really want to sleep...my mood needs it!

Job offering

Well as all things have been stated in almost every business advice thing I've heard these last few months, I am considering a job I am only being offered through networking. PFFFFFFTTTTTTT to actually applying for jobs since getting them really is by word of mouth most of the time. This is what one hears over and over while doing the job search thing. So tonight I was offered a job by friends. It is a job that they believe I can do and now of the weirdness should effect me. Five years ago there is no way in heck I'd consider saying yes, but now I am about a 55% yes. It sucks that I don't really have a good person to bounce this around with because my closer friends are almost all connected someway to the offer. I said I would let them know on Monday. I hope that I can get some good clarity by then. Such an interesting thing for me to consider and accept. I wouldn't really be using my degree but...
sooo much ponderment!