Snow for about 9hrs

We had snow all over Galveston County last week. It was just for a night. It was very fun for the spirits. For me it was also a nice reminder of how God takes care of needs when we don't know how to voice them. The lack of seasons here is tough for me, so having the moment of snow was helpful for knowing I'm staying in God's design.

The shortness of it was nice since I did need to drive around doing errands. As I was driving, I saw this wonderful road sign:

For a good portion of the time of driving Grandma Pitt, she would say something about those signs. "Don't have to watch for ice today." "Don't think there will be ice today." "That sign says to watch for ice on bridge. Too hot for that today." I just had to chuckle thinking about it while all the snow was melting and I was getting hot in the car. I just thought if her little mind would have known those bridges were actually dangerous a few hours before.

Sticks and Stones

Fascist, Liberal, Girl, Racist, Christian, Idiot, Lesbian, Republican, Work Alcoholic, Fundamentalist, Nigger Lover, Feminist, Homophobe, Bitch, Lazy Ass

These are all labels that I have been given in the past three weeks. Tone with labels usually will let people know the intent of the label. All of these words were said in the negative. How sad it makes me to hear people say these things in a harsh way. No one deserves negative labels, yet we give them to people everyday. When I’m given the label from someone that I don’t know, I can let it pretty much roll off of me most of the time. Sadly, this isn’t true for the way things have been lately. It does hurt when these names are heard over and over in my head because I also hear the intent behind them. Even if I know some of them aren’t true, I want to fix that negative impression. Heck, I want to fix that negative impression for the ones that are true as well. Some of these labels I should be proud to wear, yet there is so much hatred that others see with them. What can we do to fix this?
Then I think about the list again and wonder how people get such different views of me. I don’t try to portray myself at either extreme of the names because I’m not at extremes in most cases. Do I not let people know the real me and my real values or is this someone else’s lack of understanding? I know that I’m generally private and a protector of others, but I do not want to not be real about who I am and what I believe. People who do know me should know which of these labels can actually be applied to me. I wish that people who didn’t know me would be able to find out. Political seasons have the chance of bringing out wonderful discussions or lots of hatred. I’ve seen and experienced more of the hatred this year…and my focus was for people to vote for roads not flooding because of Ike! I knew that the presidential election didn’t matter, for whoever wasn’t republican would win. Still I’m not interested in all of that mess this year (which still makes me sad that I’m not interested) for there is so many other things going on that matter.
Even with the labels, I still have to move on with life. It is like that Wemmicks' story. If I will focus on God daily, then the labels will not stick. I will be happier and more focused. God will keep me shiny despite the scuff marks of the labels.
So that is what this _________ person is doing.

Can a public Altar be this true?

"Some are finding mercy
Forgiveness for their sins
Some are fighting battles
and they're struggling to win

That's what this altar is for
You don't have to carry those burdens any more
There's a light in the darkness
There's a love that's true
And Jesus is waiting
He is waiting here for you

An old man is standing there in tears
Giving up a part of him that he's held back for years
Hearts are being broken
Lives are being changed
Those who call upon the Lord they will never be the same"

Some songs have meaning at one point in my life, and now they take on a deeper and different meaning. I know that I need to find the altar. I need to not be afraid of the altar. I need to figure out what to hear and say at the altar. I need the faith that Jesus is waiting at the altar and will love me when I get there. I hope that I can make those steps soon before more information and scary changes enter my world.

Good Bye Gma Pitt

This morning my grandma pitt died. God's timing sucks, yes I said it. This is the last picture she had taken of her. (yeah, I know she almost looks dead in it to me...it causes fear in my head too.) I took it because of the relief of breaking into the soda machine. I shared some of my Sunny D with her. I keep telling myself that she didn't really die alone...some day I may believe it.



I don't have time for services yet. Yeah, I know the dates, but I really could care less. Funerals suck. This is one of the hardest times to deal with people who are false. It urks me that people try to show they care now, but not during the last years. So yeah...lets bring on the good baptist face and freaking lie and try to deal with the crappiness of the next few days...especially without power!

Thanks to the huggles and ice cream from Mandi and Lori! Thanks to some of y'all for the messages and prayers.

Still Get Chills! FACE NORTH!

1989 West Side Story pt 1


PART 1 - awww the drum majors

1989 - West Side Story pt 2


PART 2 -- trumpet solos are required

1989 - West Side Story pt 3


PART 3 - Overly hard to march to, written by percussion director.

1989 - West Side Story pt 4


PART 4 - No I didn't play while marching to America, SUPERB Sax solo, fun flags at end.

Oh Moms*

*this is not about Sarcastic Sarah even if the rest of the nation is wanting to think her being a mom makes her unqualified.

I finally was a diligent daughter today and gave my mother the address of the nursing home Gma is at. Well, I actually left a message with my daddy. He tells me that my mother has cried a few times since hearing the news about IKE being compared to Carla. For a large part of my life, I grew up hearing the stories of how they had to get new furniture, pictures that were lost, and who they met while cleaning up from Carla. She forgets that they have done so much more to try to protect the area since then. Also, we will be safe if we leave. It is also just stuff. I wish my mother could grasp that she doesn't have to be fearful or sad about a hurricane coming. We go into circles like this alot...it would be so much better if mothers could worry about things worth worrying about.
Through these blogging things it has been interesting to read about people from my past Galveston life who are all SAHM. Even stranger to see people who I went to some level of education with who are SAHM. It is something that I don't understand the desire. My mom has worked throughout my life. The fact that she worked has not had a negative impact on my life. She has worked different shifts, but always tried to be involved. When I was in Kindergarten, she worked the 3-11shift. She would have lunch with me then take me to school. (it was 1/2 day back then) When she did home health, she went to those night event things and had great work stories to tell. When we first moved to AR, she had/got to work the 3-11 shift again. We had this legal pad where we would write notes back and forth to each other on the days we didn't see each other. She was doing what she loved doing, so it made her be a better mother. It makes NO sense to me to see educated women not do what they love and went to school to do. It urks me that women bash other women for having a job and a family OR not having a job and having a family. Mothers truly could be an amazing force of power, if y'all could just put the pettiness aside and see that each has different paths...and that is ok! I know I'm still working on loving those who have been cut off from the outside world because of such devotion to the husband and children. I truly do not believe that God designed us to not be connected and supportive of each other. However, I have finally learned that God did not enable be to be the one who could constantly reach out to those who have chosen another path.
What does it take to get moms and women to not have the same thoughts and values, but to be supportive for being who we are?

Wanna see Goofy Adults?

This is so others can read about my boss/friend Jay and his adventure for Hurricane Hunting.
*****************************
Here is a link to our live cameras. Go to this website. If you see jpcarnes,we are on line. We will stream up to 3 cameras during the storm (as long as we have internet). Jay Carnes and Mike Millo

Also, check out our blogging on KHOU.com

http://video.uviewit.com/camsonline.aspx

Who said God doesn't make mistakes?

*WARNING: language will not be censored and this is so I can get to sleep instead of focusing on the stress

Today, I got the confirmation/explanation from the doctor that I do have PCOS. It is overly true that they don't have any real medicines for this. I had to be in the doctor's office for 1hr and 45mins to hear about everything than can't be done. I was pissed at the waste of my time. As the doctor, who stupidly told me that he'd be up for 36hrs, tried to use his crappy english to go over the deatils, I just kept thinking he should hear me say I've researched it some and I don't freakin' care about the science of it. Hell, the appointment was with UTMB so who knows if he was an actual doctor as well. He has be sit on the stupid patient table and wants to touch my belly? WHAT THE FREAK? This is so uncomfortable mentally! There is way too much that they want to know that they should have just asked me to write the answers for. I'm 33, and I could care less to recall when I started wearing a bra. I'm sure it was a huge deal with I was a pre-teen, but really there is NO REASON for me to recall that. I only remember getting my period because it was the same day that we watched those stupid videos in class about "maturing." Of Course, the boys got to leave go to recess after seeing just one and we ladies had to endure a 2nd video and the discussion! UGH. yeah so I knew the answer to that one.
He also talks about the results. "You have a testosterone level that is higher than some men." Oh yeah, I'm so glad that I have ventured into the hell hole of going to the doctor. It truly is worse to have something confirmed that you already know. Now he did point to his head when talking as if to say that the testosterone level has nothing to do with being a female, but my heart, mind, and soul were already spinning and continue to. Ever since I was a little girl, I have questioned why God didn't make me a boy. Wearing dresses sucked unless you could play in them easily. The boys weren't told to cross their legs in Sunday School. Boys don't have periods! Boys can have sloppy handwriting. Boys sports are more important than girl sports. It continued into my teen years till today. I just don't get why God had to make me a female when my brain doesn't seem wired as such. Then today to hear it confirmed that God had a little mistake in creating me. He must have been part way done and the ducks were quacking about the river going to fast. Then he came back to his creating of me and forgot he was working to make a boy so through the rest of me together quickly. I am that.
I don't think like most females. In fact, it is so hard for me to interact with people at church because I have no interest in so much of the conversations. Weddings, Shopping, Cooking, Getting Married, Babies, Flowers, Jewelry -- all things that really don't appeal to who I am. Those are "girly" things,
God must have beed too rushed in mkaing me.
Thankfully, God gave me an Amazing Daddy. He has cried over the stress Jerrese and I have felt from the hair ordeal. He really loves us and never tried to lead us into a typical female direction.
(more later...I'm too sleepy and less mad to type)

A Day Off

Monday I was off work and had planned on this journey to see the G-Kamps (they are the ones with the name that is too hard to spell). It was difficult to reach them again, but I finally headed up to Longview (don't spit!) at 9:00am. On my little journey, my driver side front tire went out. I was in a little town at the time. I tried to find a service station to pull over into, but not really easy to find. So I pull over into the parking lot of a grocery store with a gas pump. My tire needed much more than air! I knew the donut was going to have to go on it. After moving the trunk stuff to the back seat and getting ready to jack the car up, a couple of guys from the Brookshire Grocery Store came out to help me. That helped speed things along some in this wonderful Texas heat. It was a great southern moment! The directions to a shop didn't make sense so I headed on north knowing I could go the 45miles on the donut. Thankfully, I found a Discount Tire in Lufkin. I pulled in and was told it would be about an hour. (ended up being about 1 1/2hrs) Thankfully with cell phones, I was able to keep my destination family updated. After doing some greeting cards, reading, and having lunch. I moved to watch the process. There was this cute little boy sitting next to me. We talked some. His mother didn't bring anything to entertain him. (What the freak are parents thinking when they expect children to be calm for an hour in a waiting area? Bring crap for you kids to do. I bring stuff for me to do!) So here is a picture of playing with the little boy.

Mommy G-Kamp then calls with a sad phone call. The middle son has a stomach virus. Now this child is like me in that he gets almost everything around him that he to becomes sick. We played with the idea while my car was still getting finished. Then I drove around Lufkin for a moment. I didn't want to not go see the other boys too! However, we all made the smart adult decision. I turn around and headed back home. Thankfully, people were out at my sister's home. I called her and talked to her while my daddy and brother-in-law made crazy comments from the background. They had to keep making fun of all the Texas named towns I was going through. Then my MandI responded to my text. She said to come to her place. So I headed there. We went to get our toes done (cause they didn't get enough scuff off my feet bottoms). Then she drove over the bumpy roads for us to go to this dessert place. Now really the meal part at the dessert place was better than the dessert! I had a yummy chef salad wrap...with all the nasty stuff removed of course! She took me here so we could play games. The games were in a sad state. We played "Speed" and "Spades" even though it was soooooo Cold! Then back to her apartment to visit and take pics. Bob had to be included in the feet photo, so we let him even though his weren't done!

After the Bloodwork

Medical life has been so full the last few weeks for me and for dealing with Gma’s health. This post will be about my health. I’ll do a gma update through email and maybe here later.
A few weeks ago, I was really sick. My defenses were down due to the stress of dealing with all the gma issues and working at a harder pace, so the germs around me clearly took hold. I still had my blood work done while I was sick. I was disappointed to find out that I couldn’t see the doctor at the same time. I called the following day to see if I could come in. They worked me in for early on Friday. During that appointment, Dr.Eisen gave me the results of the bloodwork as well.
She has determined that I have to see a specialist. It seems that all things indicate what I really already knew. I just didn’t know the exact term for it. When I see the specialist at the end of the month, I will have it confirmed. I have PolyCystic Ovary Disease. It was tough hearing that there really isn’t any solutions for it. I will ALWAYS deal with the issues surrounding it. The good thing is there are some meds that will be able to help with the effects. Now, I’ll just have to learn how to take them regularly. My appointment is at 2pm on the 28th. When I learn more about it, I will know more about what I am facing personally besides learning about it from others who have experienced it. Then, I also get to (see at camp I learned to say get to instead of have to) take a medicine for high blood pressure. Funny thing on that is it is one that Gma used to take. I may have to learn how to deal with it differently.

(note: I've had some time to process the news and I wrote this while watching the Olympics with friends. Smart idea - less emotion)

Ok Naggers

I went to my physical for the doctor today for having insurance. Now, lets try to forget that I am 33 freakin years old! Cause that reality makes it even harder to comprehend.
When I got to the desk to start paper work, I started shaking a little bit. Then I sat down to do the paper work and my heart starts pounding. I took a few deep breaths and stopped shaking, but my heart stayed at a fast pace. I could look at the book I took, do thank-you cards, or color. I simply texted then...probably should have prayed but I didn't have that faith at the moment and probably blame God some for my fear of the situation.
Now I picked this doctor because she was a great doctor with Gma. She paid attention to gma's actual needs and didn't over due anything. She listened to our concerns. She cared about not stressing Gma out. I thought it would be a good idea to pick her since I at least knew she had a positive bedside manner. This is important since most things medical involving me are negative. This is also important because of the experiences I've had with medical people and Gma's care during the last 8 years. Dr.Eisen is a very positive part of the medical experiences for gma.
Once I was called back into the hallway for the wonderful weight and height. I was trying to not noticeable take deep breaths. I attempted to make jokes for the height and weight...but nope that didn't work for me to refocus. Crapola because it normally does. Then I enter into the room. THIS IS JUST A PHYSICAL! My hands got clamy and as I sat on the table, i thought I could hear my heart. Then she took my blood pressure. While she did that she asked me if I was nervous, I said very much so. I mean really it has been 10yrs since i've had a physical; I'm in sucky health; and doctors have a history of not really caring about patients. She said my pulse was very fast as well. (duh!) Then she asks me if I've had a papsmear. With a shocking tone to her voice she reasks because I say "no." So I have to resay "never, yes I know I'm old." Then she asked a couple more questions and left the room. Now, I'm freaked out. So I'm texting with MandI, who is all excited that I'm in this horrid experience. I know that wasn't the intention, but that is how I felt at first with the texts. I ate three Ice Breaker mints because I needed something to try to calm me down...ugh I suck! Thankfully they had Kleenex in the room because I was crying as well. Final text with MandI has an "I'm proud of you" as Dr. Eisen entered into the room.
Dr.Eisen tells me to sit next to her in the regular chair...she just wants to talk. Now, I'm not dumb, so I know she is doing this to try to relax me. I don't care anything that will work was fine with me at that point. We go through her questions finding out where she needs to head with my care. She doesn't sound all preachy! When we got to the sex questions/women's issue's, she said that it is ok that I'm not old for not having a papsmear. Now when we actually talked about some of the concerns with me, then yes she said I had to have one. This woman doesn't remember Gma or even meeting me before, and I'm totally ok with that. Some how she is actually caring when she is a doctor with you and that is what matters. She had me get back on the table. Sadly, I started shaking again. (my heart never stopped pounding hard!) I was able to take the deep breaths, but she said those even sounded like I was nervous. She retook my blood pressure, and she wouldn't tell me that number because it was higher than the first time. She isn't going to rely on either of those readings so hopefully I can take it and show a lower one consistently.
She did say I needed to at least for now switch off the soda some. She said tea and kool-aid would be better...much more practical than saying water. She said other practical boring things and had me schedule bloodwork. Lets hope that is a better experience next week since I have to be stuck for it and I don't get to eat beforehand! That includes no mints to calm me down while waiting!
So...yeah I have health insurance?*
I would like to think that God would have done something within me to not make me have this type of experience. I mean seriously...all of the medical people I know and love, and I really had no control over the fear today. Bestest friends, ex-roommates, close friends, family members, and godly women in the health care fields, and I dread all of it. Craziness

*Lori, I know it is important and I thank-you for helping us all find it. If only it wasn't such a tough thing to deal with.

Tough Connection

This is my phone.

Sadly, It doesn't seem to love Carmen as much and I do. Bad, Bad, Bad Phone. It makes me sad that it doesn't like to connect with her easily.

For The Naggers

Next Wednesday, I will be going to have a physical with the doctor. Yeah, for health insurance, I suppose. (Thank Lori's pushing.) Lets hope I feel better about medical people by then cause other than those I love outside of the medical world, I'm not too thrilled! Now, I'll get to hear I'm fat and got women's health problems...oh yeah!

Miracles Happen

This is a highly prayed for desire.
This is a miracle and blessing.
This is a wonderful life change.
This is a peace maker.
This is a family gatherer.
This is a gift from God.
This is Elizabeth Fogarty Carnes!

PEO Meet

Yesterday, when I was in the process of getting to leave work, Lori's mom comes in the office and asks who has the Cottey College bumper sticker on their car. IMMEDIATELY, I was so excited and knew she had to be a PEO. I jumpingly answered "that is me, you've gotta be a PEO!" Oh my Gosh! This is the most smilest news all week long! I sang C-C-Cottey for her, hugged her a few times, kept saying how I couldn't believe I didn't already know this about her, and how much more amazingly Lori now is with this little bit of knowledge. Meeting a PEO is always postive for me because I owe them all so much gratitude. I'm sure all my fellow ducks would agree. While helping her mom carry some stuff upstairs, we talked a little more. I have to find out how she became a PEO and more about her drive through Nevada, MO. Since she will be here for a bit, I will have time to share pics and PEO safe memories!
What a treasure during these past two weeks of UGH!

DUCKS LOVE THE PEOS!