I trust you

One thing that still fathoms me and freaks me out is when people say they trust me. Usually this means that they know I'm not going to be judgemental. I am honored that people feel this way, but I really don't understand it. I'm not doing anything special. I do say that choices aren't right, yet others still feel I'm not judgemental. Really it does blow my mind. (seriously, very open conversations from a lady who has had an abortion, a wife who commits adultery weekly, people who grow weed, first date sex, and eating disorders have been topics the past two weeks) Even though I don't get it, I know this is something I cherish and would love for it to be able to be incorporated into a job. I say incorporated into a job since it seems to not be a typical skill. That is just wrong ... I know it is true because it is why I don't reveal alot of my inward life. It would be wonderful to know why I have this characteristic. I really don't know what I exude (is that the right word?) that lets people know that I love them as they are. I can only say that I feel this to be true in three people currently in my life. Brittany is probably the person who I remember as an adult being the first person I experienced this from. She loves people...even the dark side of people. She never allows me to feel that I have to change to be loved...she shows mightly what God's love really is. I guess that is somewhat true in me although that scares me to say that. I think what makes it stand out for me with Brittany is that she is a strong Christian. Why is it so rare to know and experience this love amoung people who claim to be Christian friends? Just wish there were more people to interact with who held this type of love. Just wish I knew how others see it in me.

When to give up?

For the last month, I have been thinking about this. It is hard to know when to say that I can't take it anymore and settle for something. Does that mean I don't trust God to be in control and take care of me anymore or am I don't what God wants by humbling taking a position? This is somewhat a difficult thing to answer. Right now I'm a little pissed about this as well. In May, I was ready to say I'll go be a buggy getter at Wal~mart. My mother quickly turned that idea down and was upset that I was even considering it. Now, she is upset that I haven't gotten even a part-time job to supplement my income. What they heck? Why is it settling if it is going to pay the same? Looking back, I can honestly say that June has been really the only month that I've not been highly focused on achieving a good job. So I sit in on the seminar like thing this past week to hear about jobs. I wanted to practice interviews, but I missed that section because I was asked to speak with this woman. I was visibly disappointed after this. The woman I was speaking with couldn't grasp that I don't need a CDA. Then, she really felt that she needed to go into sharing her heart mode. UGH at myself, I sucked because I didn't want to listen to her. But this seminar thing was talking was somewhat through rose colored glasses, but one of the things that was most true was that good jobs come through good connections. Well, I haven't figured out how to make this true for me. I've even applied to two school districts, but I haven't figured out how to get into the inside track for them. I did get a UTMB interview, and I suspect it was because I went through the other channels. People kept acting impressed about that, but what the hell good does it do me if I still can't have a job. I would gladly take a semi-menial job in a good work environment as long as it wasn't too low of pay, but I don't desire to jump through hoops to get jobs like this. God does provide and I'm not doubting Him on that. I am doubting and getting upset with the process. Wednesday I'm going to this networking thing, hopefully more to be encouraged, I'm not sure what kind of contacts that I can really make at this thing.
It just really sucks that getting a job is really a sales thing. It is something that should be kept up with for years with past contacts as well. I really hate that I'm almost 33 and having to deal with this in my life. I've had to apply for positions before, but I was just me and got them. Now I have to learn all this crud to sale myself. UGH...and I know that being false is a large part of why I couldn't deal with being successful at Huntington. Hopefully this week will make the future seem brighter.

comments off on this...i needed more of a vent.

Updated 5 love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is
Quality Time

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
Take the quiz

I've known since the book came out that I was quality time. This of course is the toughest one to achieve alot of the time. Sometimes I wonder if for service oriented jobs if it would be helpful for bosses to know this about the people they are hiring. I know that I like salary jobs better so that the right amount of time can be spent devoted to the people involved. Granted the sucky part of that is sometimes others want to take your time. I think during the last five years or so, I have increase in seeing that words of affirmation are valuable even for me. As the Camp Worldlight staff begin to return, I am reminded how God allows camp to be so great because of the support from fellow camp staffers. The support uses all of these types of love. Perhaps this is why a bubble environment can be so great and pump us up so well for so long. Even in knowing the time, praise, service, gifts, and touch that abounds at camp, God sends in campers with so many physical, mental, and spiritual bruises. It is true that God provides what we need at the right time. He expects us to work together and use ourselves to achieve these great things for His glory.
*well I have a picture that I am trying to put here, but it shows in preview and not when I click to view it. hopefully it will be able to be added later.

Waiting

Cartoon by Dave Walker.

Hoping it is not delivered but believing it hasn't been written. Hummm...when did we start saying the "check is in the mail" when talking about email?

What's Janna's theological worldview?

I scored as a Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
I am an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. I believe that God's grace enables me to choose to believe in him, even though I myself am totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives me assurance of my salvation, and he also enables me to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. I am influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.
My second highest score was Emergent/Postmodern. I am Emergent/Postmodern in my theology. I feel alienated from older forms of church, I don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 79%
Emergent/Postmodern 68%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 57%
Neo orthodox 50%
Reformed Evangelical 50%
Classical Liberal 43%
Fundamentalist 43%
Modern Liberal 32%
Roman Catholic 29%

Sure the stuff of description is interesting, and I wish I had what it said for all of them. What I find really funny is how I'm equal scores for FUNDAMENTALIST and CLASSICAL LIBERAL. I do agree with the results as far as I know what they mean. I did expect my Emergent score to be hire but the reasoning make sense to me.

I don't want to teach

I don't want to teach. I don't have a passion for teaching. I get frustrated with being over a class. I purposefully took more administrative classes in college.
So What?
I'm going to have to apply to a freakin preschool/daycare so that I can semi-use my degree and finally be earning money again. THIS SUCKS!

Similar Names

This blog is for me.
I was just looking for pictures because MandI was over. I had wanted to share the photos that I had stolen at one time from the internet of Joyce. During that search I came to this article with a quote from a woman with the exact name of Joyce. Scary because it clearly wouldn't be something Joyce would say. Usually when I meet a Janna, I will ask them questions about personality. All the Janna's I have met have similar views and personalities. I am just surprised to see something so different.
Here is the article.
http://freaksforfun.tribe.net/thread/49c5698c-c389-495b-86f2-1249229fd5fe
Here is the how many of me thing again.
http://ww2.howmanyofme.com/search/
Still so odd.