What I am Watching

I am still at Karen and Scott's home. I'm watching a show on LOGO called Camp Out. You can click the link for it in the title. It is a Christian camp for Gay teens. i would love to have the opportunity to talk about this movie/documentary with someone, but I have no clue who I'd watch or talk about it with. They have lots of true conversations that are great and I would love for christians to be able to see this. I still don't know what all I believe about being GLBT, but I do know that we have screwed up as a Christian society. I despise the fact that we choose to focus on this as a sin yet my being obese, a pastor's lies, a rocket scientist's snobbery, or a housewife's lack of love is just blown over. I want to be in a place of truth of God's love. Sometimes people blame it on age, but I really don't believe that is true either. I know some very open older people and I'm proud to know them. I'm uncomfortable saying that it is right, but what an amazing lovely concept to be able to be seeking God. Now if only we could have leadership for all that are also seeking God. Would it be possible to have a camp for a diverse group of people? What a wonderful prayer we should have.

Ringing

I love handbells! I love jingle bells! I love cowbells! I even love door bells!
Bells usually signify something to pay attention to that is coming. Even a fire bell is for a warning. I like it when kids have the bells on their shoes. They seem to just have a happier sound. When I listen to a good handbell choir, I can be entranced by the wonderful ringing that is done. There is that stupid quote from that WAY too long Christmas movie. "When a bell rings an angel gets its wings." I think when a bell rings it can make the listener fly whether it be to action or to a deep spiritual thinking.
A goal has to be to listen more intently for the bells around me.

Finally Blogger Time

Since I haven't gotten a computer yet, I haven't had time to type out thoughts. What a weird last five months I have had. Working in a funeral home certainly does test me. It is also interesting to work with such a variety of people. I have almost completed the learning curve time. I actually think the learning curve changes. It is just odd because everyone does things so differently there. I certainly work way too many hours. I wish I could figure out how to make it not have to be and 8-5 job with only a little lunch break. It seems like everyone gets overtime. It is crazy because part of the problem is the cross knowledge and different opinions. Still even with all of that, I actually do like working there. I just wish I had more time for friends and Gma. I do think more about my family interactions now that I am there. Such an interesting life that we can lead when we are open to God's opportunities.

Too Old for Nightmares

Fears suck. I'm writing now cause I can't sleep I'm having stupid nightmare because of a picture...just a picture I saw at work. I'm not really sure who I can talk to this about, so I'm up a 2nd night crying and NOT sleeping. Who does a 33yr old tell that she is having nightmares because of a picture? I seriously need to not have such an active and imaginative mind because it is just making the staying up worse. People say to pray but that isn't really working so perhaps I need to figure out something else. I just really really want to sleep...my mood needs it!

Job offering

Well as all things have been stated in almost every business advice thing I've heard these last few months, I am considering a job I am only being offered through networking. PFFFFFFTTTTTTT to actually applying for jobs since getting them really is by word of mouth most of the time. This is what one hears over and over while doing the job search thing. So tonight I was offered a job by friends. It is a job that they believe I can do and now of the weirdness should effect me. Five years ago there is no way in heck I'd consider saying yes, but now I am about a 55% yes. It sucks that I don't really have a good person to bounce this around with because my closer friends are almost all connected someway to the offer. I said I would let them know on Monday. I hope that I can get some good clarity by then. Such an interesting thing for me to consider and accept. I wouldn't really be using my degree but...
sooo much ponderment!

I trust you

One thing that still fathoms me and freaks me out is when people say they trust me. Usually this means that they know I'm not going to be judgemental. I am honored that people feel this way, but I really don't understand it. I'm not doing anything special. I do say that choices aren't right, yet others still feel I'm not judgemental. Really it does blow my mind. (seriously, very open conversations from a lady who has had an abortion, a wife who commits adultery weekly, people who grow weed, first date sex, and eating disorders have been topics the past two weeks) Even though I don't get it, I know this is something I cherish and would love for it to be able to be incorporated into a job. I say incorporated into a job since it seems to not be a typical skill. That is just wrong ... I know it is true because it is why I don't reveal alot of my inward life. It would be wonderful to know why I have this characteristic. I really don't know what I exude (is that the right word?) that lets people know that I love them as they are. I can only say that I feel this to be true in three people currently in my life. Brittany is probably the person who I remember as an adult being the first person I experienced this from. She loves people...even the dark side of people. She never allows me to feel that I have to change to be loved...she shows mightly what God's love really is. I guess that is somewhat true in me although that scares me to say that. I think what makes it stand out for me with Brittany is that she is a strong Christian. Why is it so rare to know and experience this love amoung people who claim to be Christian friends? Just wish there were more people to interact with who held this type of love. Just wish I knew how others see it in me.

When to give up?

For the last month, I have been thinking about this. It is hard to know when to say that I can't take it anymore and settle for something. Does that mean I don't trust God to be in control and take care of me anymore or am I don't what God wants by humbling taking a position? This is somewhat a difficult thing to answer. Right now I'm a little pissed about this as well. In May, I was ready to say I'll go be a buggy getter at Wal~mart. My mother quickly turned that idea down and was upset that I was even considering it. Now, she is upset that I haven't gotten even a part-time job to supplement my income. What they heck? Why is it settling if it is going to pay the same? Looking back, I can honestly say that June has been really the only month that I've not been highly focused on achieving a good job. So I sit in on the seminar like thing this past week to hear about jobs. I wanted to practice interviews, but I missed that section because I was asked to speak with this woman. I was visibly disappointed after this. The woman I was speaking with couldn't grasp that I don't need a CDA. Then, she really felt that she needed to go into sharing her heart mode. UGH at myself, I sucked because I didn't want to listen to her. But this seminar thing was talking was somewhat through rose colored glasses, but one of the things that was most true was that good jobs come through good connections. Well, I haven't figured out how to make this true for me. I've even applied to two school districts, but I haven't figured out how to get into the inside track for them. I did get a UTMB interview, and I suspect it was because I went through the other channels. People kept acting impressed about that, but what the hell good does it do me if I still can't have a job. I would gladly take a semi-menial job in a good work environment as long as it wasn't too low of pay, but I don't desire to jump through hoops to get jobs like this. God does provide and I'm not doubting Him on that. I am doubting and getting upset with the process. Wednesday I'm going to this networking thing, hopefully more to be encouraged, I'm not sure what kind of contacts that I can really make at this thing.
It just really sucks that getting a job is really a sales thing. It is something that should be kept up with for years with past contacts as well. I really hate that I'm almost 33 and having to deal with this in my life. I've had to apply for positions before, but I was just me and got them. Now I have to learn all this crud to sale myself. UGH...and I know that being false is a large part of why I couldn't deal with being successful at Huntington. Hopefully this week will make the future seem brighter.

comments off on this...i needed more of a vent.

Updated 5 love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is
Quality Time

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		4
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
Take the quiz

I've known since the book came out that I was quality time. This of course is the toughest one to achieve alot of the time. Sometimes I wonder if for service oriented jobs if it would be helpful for bosses to know this about the people they are hiring. I know that I like salary jobs better so that the right amount of time can be spent devoted to the people involved. Granted the sucky part of that is sometimes others want to take your time. I think during the last five years or so, I have increase in seeing that words of affirmation are valuable even for me. As the Camp Worldlight staff begin to return, I am reminded how God allows camp to be so great because of the support from fellow camp staffers. The support uses all of these types of love. Perhaps this is why a bubble environment can be so great and pump us up so well for so long. Even in knowing the time, praise, service, gifts, and touch that abounds at camp, God sends in campers with so many physical, mental, and spiritual bruises. It is true that God provides what we need at the right time. He expects us to work together and use ourselves to achieve these great things for His glory.
*well I have a picture that I am trying to put here, but it shows in preview and not when I click to view it. hopefully it will be able to be added later.

Waiting

Cartoon by Dave Walker.

Hoping it is not delivered but believing it hasn't been written. Hummm...when did we start saying the "check is in the mail" when talking about email?

What's Janna's theological worldview?

I scored as a Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
I am an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. I believe that God's grace enables me to choose to believe in him, even though I myself am totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives me assurance of my salvation, and he also enables me to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. I am influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.
My second highest score was Emergent/Postmodern. I am Emergent/Postmodern in my theology. I feel alienated from older forms of church, I don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 79%
Emergent/Postmodern 68%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 57%
Neo orthodox 50%
Reformed Evangelical 50%
Classical Liberal 43%
Fundamentalist 43%
Modern Liberal 32%
Roman Catholic 29%

Sure the stuff of description is interesting, and I wish I had what it said for all of them. What I find really funny is how I'm equal scores for FUNDAMENTALIST and CLASSICAL LIBERAL. I do agree with the results as far as I know what they mean. I did expect my Emergent score to be hire but the reasoning make sense to me.

I don't want to teach

I don't want to teach. I don't have a passion for teaching. I get frustrated with being over a class. I purposefully took more administrative classes in college.
So What?
I'm going to have to apply to a freakin preschool/daycare so that I can semi-use my degree and finally be earning money again. THIS SUCKS!

Similar Names

This blog is for me.
I was just looking for pictures because MandI was over. I had wanted to share the photos that I had stolen at one time from the internet of Joyce. During that search I came to this article with a quote from a woman with the exact name of Joyce. Scary because it clearly wouldn't be something Joyce would say. Usually when I meet a Janna, I will ask them questions about personality. All the Janna's I have met have similar views and personalities. I am just surprised to see something so different.
Here is the article.
http://freaksforfun.tribe.net/thread/49c5698c-c389-495b-86f2-1249229fd5fe
Here is the how many of me thing again.
http://ww2.howmanyofme.com/search/
Still so odd.

"I don't want the Mark"

So I've had poison ivy rash for the last two weeks. While I've been healing, I've told the neighbor kids that I couldn't play. I also showed them my arm to show them why. The rash is almost all gone and they were out playing tonight. I decided to go over to chat and meet the cousin. The boys were making the stairs into a jungle gym. I caught one of them and gave a backward squeeze. He talked for little bit like that, but then he said "I don't want the mark." It was so funny because that is how they totally see the poison ivy. I'm white with red marks. After giggling, I assured him that he was safe. Sadly, I'm not sure he is convinced about it.

But it got me to thinking about the future. Currently, I say I don't want someone else to have the mark. How awful is it going to be when loved ones are saying "I don't want the Mark." With the books, blogs, and life I've been experiencing lately, I'm even more consumed with the urgency of my role in help to impact others for God. I don't mean that in a evangelistic freak way, but in a way that makes me want others to truly know the love and saving power of Christ. Even though I'm reading the books and blogs, I don't feel like I get how we move forward. One of the books actually bores me because somehow I am already able to have the relationships he talks about. I don't know how or why this is a trait in me, but I can't think of a time when it wasn't. I so want to get out of the head/heart mode though into actually doing or feeling like I'm doing. It sucks because I haven't really connected with someone in 3D land with that similar spark. I want to be able to wrap my God around people so that they will not have to be left to say "I don't want the Mark." Now...just how to do that?

Here's Where I Stand

This clip is from the movie CAMP. There have been some American Idol auditions with this song also. Since I first was impacted from this song after seeing it in the movie, I thought I'd include the original source. I'm not giving a recommendation for the movie but it does help to have seen the movie to understand her impact of her singing it.

However, that is the movie and this is me. I feel like I've attempted to sing this song before to others. (I mean singing it in my head of course.) Now I feel like it is being sung to me. I find it interesting that it takes confidence to say that we need to rely on someone else. To realize we need to and want to move forward yet we need love to do so. Scary to think about the power in giving that love when we aren't in agreement. But I think the love is asked for and can be given even when not in agreement or understanding. Perhaps that is what is means to "not be a child any longer."

Here in the Dark
I stand before you
Knowing, This is my chance to show you my heart
This is the start, this is the start.

I have so much to say and I'm hoping
That your Arms are open
Don't turn away, I want you near me
But you have to hear me.

Here's where I stand,
Here's who I am
Love me, but don't tell me who I have to be
Here's who I am,
I'm what you see.

You said I had to change and I was trying
But my heart was lying
I'm not a child any longer
I am stroooongerrrr

Here's where I stand,
Here's who I am
Help me, to move on but please don't tell me how
I'm on my way, I'm moving now


In this life we've come so far
but we're only who we are (who we are)
Courage of love (Courage of Love)
will show us the way (Show us the way)
Unlock the power
To stand up and saaaaa--aaaaayyy (Stand upppp)

(Up and say!)
Herreeeee's where I stand
Here's who I am
(Stand Up) I'll be counting, counting on you
If you're with me, we'll make it through

Here's where I stand,
Here's who I am
Love me, Love me, Love me, and we'll make it through

Here's where I stand,
Baby, Baby, Baby, I'm counting on you

Here's where I stand
Love me, Love me, Love me, and we'll make it through

I'm counting, Oooh,
I'm counting,
I'm counting, I'm counting onn....
Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Rated my life

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.6
Mind:	6.3
Body:	3.7
Spirit:	9.2
Friends/Family:	3.7
Love:	1.5
Finance:	5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Not sure I agree with the findings, but did find it interesting to take. Of course some questions were tricky for me cause I wasn't sure of the definitions they wanted.

People's Impressions

Well I've just had a freakin' odd moment. I linked to Jessica's blog that I've never seen before and saw what her inital thoughts on me were. This is perhaps the worst day so far for me to have seen this. If I knew that I wasn't the only Janna, I would totally think this was about someone else.

Janna: SUPER Bible-guru!! Knows everything! Strong moral fiber

She can't possibly be talking about me. I am NOT a bible guru. I hate to think that I give the impression that I know everything...this really sucks too. I think I know why she would say that, but I don't feel that it is true. Then I oddily giggle at the stong moral fiber. With that I know she isn't talking about me! It wasn't my intention to give this impression of me. I want to live in truth. The thing I despise the most is inauthencity, but now I feel that I'm guilty of this. Heck, I didn't go to church stuff today because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with being there. This really sucks...

Graduations

For most things, I don't enjoy dealing the tradition and rituals of life change. When it comes to graduations, I don't feel the same way. Yes the speeches can be boring and very similar, but still I love the celebration of some part of schooling being completed. The music (my phone even plays it!), the silly gowns (and what may or may not be on underneath), the individual recognition, the promise for the future, the original hats, and the uniqueness each school has to their graduating class. I've only been to two graduations this season. Friday, I went to one for two friends. It was odd hearing some of the awards being given, but the entire ceremony felt like a wonderful graduation celebration. When I received the invitation to go, I knew I was going to go. Oddily, my close friend was surprised that I wanted to go (hummm). I totally believe in education for personal or professional gain. Even though this was for a funeral school graduation, I was glad to be able to supportive by "whooping" and clapping for ours and the other honorees. I wish more people understood the accomplishments that people have in achieving graduation. Heck, I even went to some UTMB graduations, so clearly have I to care some about the education to be in that much of that crappy orange and hearing the awful song. Some people even celebrate their child graduating from kindergarten. I love that because it shows that learning is positive and to be achieved.
I did freak myself out though because I said to MandI that I will be thrilled to be invited to her children's graduations and she doesn't have to invite me to their weddings. Yeah...scary to think I trust that we will still be close in many years. I would get to clap for their award of graduation, and if they are like their Pop for their intelligence and most popular! Going to it especially after hearing about some of the battles they endure during their schooling makes it that much more special.
Also I've thought alot about some of my own graduations. On one of the Cottey boards they were talking about a tradition that goes with graduation. A few that didn't graduate ontime with their class didn't get to do that tradition. They have mentioned how it was tough to watch their class walk around campus singing for the last time together. Cottey made that part even more special because other than the few relatives trying to take pictures of it...only freshmen and seniors were really apart of it. It was like a passing of the Cottey senior life which the college administration regonized. We were all in white and no one really cared if you the gold around your neck, the color of your tassle, or the rose you may have held. It is odd talking to almunae who share vast stories of the experience, but their was unity in Graduation. When I finished at Meredith, I just wanted to get the heck out of Raleigh. I attempted doing chalk words with others whose identity should still be protected, but I didn't stay for the Pomp and Circumstance and walk. Can't tell you why I don't regret it, but my diploma was mailed and I had 2wks at The Greens...it was all good! I look so forward to the serious worshipful graduation that I'll have someday when I finish my masters. Being in a seminary graduation is a unique and touching experience because it is so unexpected.
The thing to ponder or more likely correct is how to allow myself to give the trivial parts of weddings and baby showers the same respect as the achievement from the dedication for a graduation.

Do You Clap for Lizards?

The other night the kids in the complex were out really late. It was ok cause they were all getting along pretty much. I spent some time with them, but I was trying to get gma's clothes folded. They hadn't been outside that late, I guess, or at least not on my porch. Well every year that I've lived here, I have had lizards and sometimes frogs on my porch for about five months. The bug light doesn't help them stay away. The kids were so excited that I had these on my porch. Every few minutes they would knock on my door to tell me what the lizards were doing. The excitement and screaming was the loudest when they saw the little frog that often comes out. Of course this scared the frog into my outside closest! After the seeing of the frog, I tried to teach them the BlaUmph song. Then I went in to get popsicles cause everyone was being so great. As I was coming back out, I was told to look "he is going back to his brother." One lizard was traveling to another lizard on the other side of the porch. A couple of the kids were telling "him" he could do it! They quickly had the popsicles, and finally gave me the trash. They rewatched the lizards and started clapping because one met up with the other. They were so happy the "family" was together.
Do we do that? Do I clap and smile with joy because the family is together? Do we clap and encourage families to get together? Should we do more than say encouraging words as families go on long journeys apart and sometimes have parts of light and darkness? Do families always know that the screaming they hear is encouragement?
I still don't like all the lizards as I come in the door, but I am thankful for what they can teach me.

Ducky Survey

So Lestlie has this thing on her MySpace page. I decided to do it also. I was surprised by the results...well not too much but alittle bit. I think I prefer the results from another survey thing that is on my blog.

Oh well...here is this new one. Probably too accurate.

Alvin Frontier Days with Austin Miller

I hope this slideshow thing works for you!

Ugh...Bible Quizzes

You know the Bible 98%!

 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

While on a MySpace page for someone from highschool, I saw a link to this quiz. I was a little disappointed in the ease in the questions, but then I remembered that it is only easy because of my exposure to it. Isn't it sad that we judge intelligence based on exposure? I know that some of it is motivation also, but I really believe more is based on opportunities. If I was never taught the bible, then I would not have done well on this quiz. Most of the questions were on the easier level. What this should do is make it a real desire of mine and ohter Christians to help others have the exposure. Yes, I know that there are people who could do well on this quiz and still choose not to believe in God, but at least they would have had a chance to encounter God. Too bad exposure isn't enough.

Breaks

This is going to sound odd from a single person, but I think having breaks from even the people we love is important. I know that this woman in the cartoon loves her husband, but especially being around him so much is draining. It doesn't mean that she loves him less because she wants/needs the break. Of course she probably needs it more because of her life of caregiving to him now. Being a caregiver by choice and by need are two very different things. One may grow into the other but they are different in approaches. I think I've really been able to experience that difference more now. I totally get what this cartoon is talking about because I was greatful for the 10-15mins of break time when a therapist came by. Even if I was being productive, I was mentally free for a bit. I'm still trying to learn how to balance at the nursing home since they often fail to meet my expectations of care. I'm just glad I can give them some days/minutes of a break with my own gma to be able to help her eat or be safe.

She's included

Seeing the name of her in the obituary was amazing. I'm actually glad Jerrese made me read it. The great-grand kid names weren't listed, but all the grand kid names were. Seeing Jerry Don's name and Joyce's name was surprising and special. I would like the courage to talk to Daddy about what he thinks of their names being included, but Richard said that Daddy didn't object. They approved it together. It was really nice to hear how much value Grandmother Ruth had for Joyce. If only I could have known sooner these people were still being somewhat connected to her. No clue what this will mean, but I do like knowing I'm not the only one who still loves her.

Quotes of Thoughts from Worship

These are the thoughts I have or the statements I hear during worship service in my church. I will edit new ones in to here occassionally so the date stamp really will not mean they are all on the same day. I'd say these are mainly for me to remember. Some of them I may be the only one who understands. If you've ever sat near me and read my "notes" during Bible Study or service, then you will remember how my mind works.
*****
Defending family includes church family -if my family is insulted too many times I want nothing to do with the one causing the hurt.
The gospel is about following God. Align with God -always!
Being with God makes me a servant.
His Glory is worth the suffering I perceive.
Where do I need encouragement from God to press on?
Are we willing to share our struggles here even on private post-it notes?
Surface issues to hide sins. Do I use these too much?
Sin is not gonna change till we change their/our hearts.
Making disciples is the work of the whole church, whole word, and whole ages...no exceptions!
Rejection is part of the mission.
Sometimes needs need to be challenged not met.
Parables: not facts, subject to world view.
Jesus spoke with OWN authority, His Wisdom. (Mark 1:27)
Is it about rightness or relationship?
Whose really right?
With what authority do we live our life?
Must act now to integrate His authority.
Busy is an external condition; Hurried - I can't receive or give love.
Am I tailgating, getting draft winds, or in the passenger seat?
In TLTWTW, the beavers give the prophecy.
Joy to the World not originally a Christmas song.
Church is only strong in prayer.
The NT focuses on corporate prayer more.
UGH! Why didn't I say in the video, "I don't believe I am belonging if I'm not serving."
"Whatever God wants, God gets" (instead of Lola in Damn Yankees)
Fear keeps us from really sharing; generosity brings contentment.
Can't sing I Surrender All with crossed fingers.
Hosea 6:6 God wants love from us.
Fear keeps us from serving, leads to disobedience.
Am I a have?
God never promised safety. (hummm..)
The worst the world could do is pain in Jesus.
Health Exams like conviction: Does it hurt? It is not susposed to.
Lost - a word of compassion for things of value.
Zacchaeus - a "danny devito" type. (in perception to crowd)
What if Amos 5:21-24 was read when the SBC met?
Denial - refusing to know what you already know. (ouch!)
Justice - restoring relationships
Righteousness - rightly related to God and others
Always Summer, Never Vacation. (instead of Always Winter, Never Christmas as stated in Narnia)
Do I try to put God in my image instead of myself in His image?
Liberalist - not expecting to hear from God
Temptations are everywhere. Jesus wasn't in NOLA when He was in the temples. He was in a place of strength when faced with temptation.
Validation isn't wrong. People know our value from our relationship to Him.
When God calls all to ministry He is really asking "Do You Love Me?"
Foolishness is not preparing for something certain.
Foolishness is depending on others for something that is my responsibility.
No electric power in the church: church doesn't know what to do?
"IF" you can do anything - belief with unbelief.
Mark 9:29 -connects the power to the need
We express our DEPENDENCE on God when we pray.
We express our SUBMISSION to God when we pray.
Why are we more prayer focused when we are less blessed?
Jesus knocks to get us to come out.
Why is it difficult to demonstrate love to those who hurt us?
There is not a point when we can no longer turn to God after acting unfaithful to Him.
There comes a point when it is healthy to write someone off because of his/her choices, but God doesn't do that to us.

Dirty Dancing 20th

Last night I went with a close friend to see the 20th Anniversary of Dirty Dancing on the big screen. I was a little disappointed more people were not at the theatre. When the movie originally came out, I wasn't allowed to see it, of course. When we went on a Girl Scout trip though, many of us watched it in the motel. I remember arguing about who could be "Baby." (The fun things Junior High girls fight over.) I have seen this movie way too many times. I watched the E True Hollywood story on it a couple of times. I even looked up some stuff online about it. When I worked at Ridgecrest, I have a special memory of the night that Dave took us to Lake Lure. This is where Johnny and Baby practice lifts in the water. My friend really went because I invited her, for she didn't have the same love for the movie. I did refrain some from saying all the lines I love before hand. It was funny to hear people actually giggle at scenes. There were a few times you could hear people singing the songs. Oddily people clapped for the most famous line...that we all know. Seeing it on the big screen made the people look different. Did you know Jennifer Grey has a mole on her lower right cheek? Did you know she only had like three pairs of shoes while she was at Kellerman's? Lisa's eyebrows and puffy lips don't look as abnormal on the big screen. Before the movie began, they had a 20min thing about the show and the theatrical production. It was very interesting to see "Vivian" being interviewed 20yrs later. If they hadn't put her name up there, we wouldn't have known this short haired woman was the busty bungalow bunny that tried to rat out Johnny out of jealousy. One of the guys mentioned about people knowing lines that aren't the big lines. Well here are a few of my favorites:
~Read it but return it. I have notes in the margin.
~No Lisa, it should be with someone who you sort of love.
~I carried a watermelon. I carried a watermelon?
~I envy you.
~Spagetti Arms. Lock Your Frame. This is My Dance space this is yours.
~What are you trying to kill me here?
......I'm doing all this to save your "arse" but what I really want to do is drop you on it.
~Go back to your playpen, Baby.
~Daddy listens when I talk now. You hate that.
~I could show you some moves.
~You're right Johnny doesn't matter what you do, you can't change the world.
~I think she gets this from me.
~I know it wasn't you who got Penny in trouble. When I'm wrong I say I'm wrong. You were beautiful up there.

Not So Welcome Visitor

Today the parents of one of the people in my WBS class came to our class and for lunch afterwards. The father was certainly a fundamentalist. His tongue was like a sword for many of his statements about the make-up of our class. Here are two of the things that he said.
1. He is going to tell a young single boy to find a church with a singles class so that he can find someone to date. (UGH UGH....this is totally why I HATE being identified as a single)
2. 20 somethings don't like to read a book. (so why make them? know you demographic and reach to where they are. I also know this isn't true because if a 20something is interested then they will read.)
I was hyper today from lack of sleep due to seeing Ronnie Milsap and Austin Miller, but I did calm down my attack back a little bit. I'm sure it didn't seem so. He was talking to our class during lunch saying things that were wrong because he doesn't know us. When someone offends me or another, I'm going to tell them because I'm not a punching bag. I did make the attempt to apologize for my tone, but that probably failed also.
It just makes me sick...really it does...that we have a bible study leader that wants to reach, truly reach, the people who the church has forgotten, yet we have classmates that don't see that need and vision. It hurts to know that people don't want to adapt to meet these needs. This is the mission field we need to learn to reach.
Point of Ponderment: Will I be in worship again soon because this class really isn't for me?

Helen R. Walton

Death really sucks even if you know without a doubt that someone has gone to Heaven. Famous death is even stranger because there is so many people looking into your personal world. I know we've had alot of death this week, but this is the first that really effected me. Mrs.Helen died of being old unlike the other major deaths of this week. Still it is odd how all of these are so public.
Helen R. Walton was such a giver. She is also a very funny woman. She was a great grandmother. Lynne Walton even said she was a good mother in law.
I had the occasion to meet and speak with her a few times. In high school, I had a car and my friends didn't so I also carried around the siblings of my friends at times. We had to take them over to the Walton house for a birthday party one day. Helen let us through the gate and greeted her young guests. We giggled and said good-bye just to be happy to leave the little brothers. The next time I was officially introduced to Mrs.Helen was when I went to a Luncheon to learn about Cottey. I mainly spoke to the alumnae and Alice Walton that afternoon, but she gave me a good old lady hug and prayed for my college decision. When I was working at the Children's Center that summer, she remembered me and wished me luck as she was touring through the center. The following January, I went to an evening meeting of the women who supported my college to report. After sharing about my Cottey experiences to that point, we closed the meeting with their traditional prayer or saying. Mrs. Helen called me back over to her car. She spoke with such love and again prayed for everything I was learning and experiencing. She truly believed God would guide me through the semester. This was the semester that I accepted my call from God to ministry. I only spoke with her one more time. After I graduated from Cottey, I went to a tea to say thank-you for supporting me through my time at Cottey.
I will always treasure the special times she had in my life. Even if she wasn't known all over for money, I know that I will keep her words in my heart.

Recommendations

"The recommendations should address qualities such as spiritual maturity, motivation, self-confidence, initiative and commitment to doing God's work."

I really don't know if I could write a reference for myself. I know that I can and do want to actually follow my calling again, but the process is so frightening. That self-confidence word really makes me want to just stop all of this and forget it. I don't know that I could ever live through having my prayers evaluated again. When the politics aren't involved, I can serve and serve well. I have the motivation and initiative. Even here at the apartments, I have tried to do things with a ministry mindset for the kids. There is terror (really it is terror) within me when I consider being questioned about why Meredith, being fat, and last witnessing opportunity. Last night I tried to convey to others the need for prayer on this, but sadly I know that it is impossible for me to explain the difference of this application process. I know that this is actually worse for me because of NAMB. Hopefully Monday Karen will be able to see the real potential in me and the fear will not be what I present.
pondering: what will it be like when I have to apply to seminary again?

Too Numb for Ice Cream?

Today was free ice cream day at Ben and Jerry's. It is a cool thing they do each spring to get to try some of the new flavors or have the classics they only offer in summer. While I did have time to make the journey today, I just wasn't motivated to have that enjoyment. Isn't that odd since ice cream is usually comforting thing. Just really realizing what Abbie faced and is facing is just crappy. Attacks on people within hours of the shootings is just a horrible part of American free speech. Lets not complain that Bush went to VA. Lets not complain the day of shootings about the communication of the administration. Lets not make this a political battle about guns. Maybe, ice cream should have been passed out to the reporters in VA to be able to make the quiet for while.
Let the ice cream by cold not the reporters.

What is a date?

Something that is really annoying is when two people of the opposite sex can't go do an activity together without it being called a date. Granted I'll use the date word for saying when I do anything with just one other person...male or female. I resent that people make the assumption that it is a romantic interest date when the person is male and it is just the two of us. It is possible to play games, have dinner, go bowling, watch a movie, attend a concert, or have conversation with someone of the opposite sex without it being romantic/sexual. I've done it! No wonder I'm forced to be so private with my life.
One of the great things about Meredith (which I know I don't say many good things about it) was being able to develop platonic relationships with the boys of NCSU. Some of them wanted to see how many Meredith events they could get invited to. I worked so hard as a Junior Senator for Male Visitation that I made sure we had boys come visit us to show the success. When visiting Gary, it was just normal like going to another dorm except there were boys. Ok...that is not true because there was a hall bath so that was weird. But watching movies or helping him with a project didn't matter just because he was a boy.
Just would soo like for it to be ok to be normal!

Today's Torture

I don't really like using the word "torture" when there are so many people fighting a war where this occurs in very harsh and real ways. I like the way the double Ts work together though, so the title sticks.

I do survey's often that friends send instead of writing emails. I like them, and often have fun with them. One of the questions that is asked on many of them is about favorite holiday. Well, there should be a least like holiday also. For that would be today for me.
I hate April 1st/April Fools Day. There is already enough within me to not trust people that making a full day of it just makes me want to go into hiding. My mother woke my sister and I up one year by screaming about a mouse that proved to not be there because it was April Fools. Well, some months later I was awakened again because of a mouse scaring my mother. The second time it was real but I didn't believe her fear. I'm the baby grandkid so teasing and protection is what I receive especially from my male cousins. Last year on April Fools Day, I'm told that there is no money for my expenses. While being sickened with fear for what we'd do next, I kept wondering when he was going to call and stop that sick joke. He never called. Sadly, I despise this day so much that I have a hard time helping kids to enjoy it. Many kids have actual fun with the day, but adults tend to make the day into a competition instead of foolishness.
As Christians, we aren't given a day off to hurt each other. This day could be about being foolish instead. Living the day with joy...wearing clothing that doesn't match, eating with odd utensils, playing a childhood game, or jumping in those rain puddles. If only it didn't have to be about bringing more of a lack of trust into relationships.

So I'm an Austin fan

The city of Austin not a place a want to be. The man "Austin" is truly someone worth knowing. I don't think it would be appropriate to say that he is where I want to be. yikes! (shhh...Lestlie)
I posted my last communication from Austin. Well after this final show, I had to write again to let him know we still care and believe.
I think I also learned something about myself through watching him. I really do miss being surrounded by people who are similar to me. Even though there are a variety of personalities, at camp, college, and seminary I fit into my clique. There were people that wanted to discuss religious topics in a fun way, people who would talk about new kids items, people who could talk about stupid TV shows and tragedies in life, people who could sense it was time to pray and believe the prayer would work, and people who supported you because they understood not because they were trying to be nice. Common goals and Christ were bonds that we have. I know that I haven't felt that much in six years. I am often a less than person now, and the Christ focus isn't as high. I've never been a "Jesus Freak" but people knew who I was different. I've lost that person and I don't know how to get her back even though I've made some attempts.
When watching Grease:You're the One that I Want, you couldn't tell many of these people were faith based. You could see a different light in some of them. I got to read about how some of them are different. Austin is someone I enjoyed from the beginning, and then he is from the area and a Christian. I do hope God brings him to star on Broadway. If God doesn't, then I hope that Austin does know his walk is making a difference in this world.



http://www.orbitfiles.com/download/id1311878425

**************************************
RE: Still VERY Capable
Body: Ya know, Janna, everyone in the show loves Jesus big time. It was so cool.
Thanks for the encouragement. The whole experience on Grease was life-altering! I made some amazing friends, and some great industry contacts. The phone is ringing off the hook.
Thanks for voting, and for the kind words.

XOXO,
Austin

It's Laundry Season

So I was walking around the COM pond the other day. I couldn't believe my eyes when the ducks were totally letting me know that Spring was here and it was time to mate. They were sooo twitterpated! Gosh some of them were soo dang agressive also. Can I be that snippy of a female when a guy jumps at me? One of the ducks did do that flirtation dance and then pounced! Yep...fluff the feathers all purty to get the ladies attention. Sucky that I've been enjoying the fluffing around me lately. Thankfully God has been in control even when not asked and the pouncing hasn't commenced. But oh...the ducky seems to want to do laundry. UGH!

International Hooters

What they aren't serving Kosher? Is that a surprise since so many are made of plastic.

FAN MAIL

LOOKY...I got an email from Grease: You're the one that I Want's Austin!
From:
Austin
http://www.myspace.com/redzuko
Date: Mar 19, 2007 7:35 AM
Date Sent: 3/19/2007 7:35:00 AM
Body:Thank you soo much. I really appreciate the support. I'm overwhelmed right now!-Austin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: DuckAngel
Date: Mar 18, 2007 5:21 PM
I may have to drive to Alvin tomorrow just to feel the red love. I think it would have been fun to see you in an Island Musical close to home. So glad you have been so positive despite things said about you. I've loved watching you on this show...even if you weren't from so close."
Subject:
RE: YEAH FOR THE TEXAN

Love and Trust

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal... lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket... it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis

CS Lewis was one smart man. I know this about love and I think that is why trust is such a part of love for me. Even in simple relationships with the Sonic Car Hop gal, a co-worker, or the ducks at COM, I give them kindness/love and in some way I expect that back. Is this the Christian way or am I being jealous? Such an odd thing to encounter hate from people/things that you have done nothing harmful to. At least God still loves us through it all even when we hurt Him.

Celeb Connections

I've had something odd happen since visiting the Rosie Blog. She has it open for people to make comments or ask questions. Three times I have received a response! Isn't that odd? So many people complain about not even hearing a hello, but she picks mine for some reason. Now I don't always agree or understand her responses. It is very interesting to consider the connection that I seem to have to Rosie. It is so odd.

Here is the most recent:
Janna writes:
Rosie…the thing you wish you had but can’t afford is peace and love for all.
tangible
not dreams

Interesting Survey

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/">How Boyish or Girlish Are You?