When to give up?

For the last month, I have been thinking about this. It is hard to know when to say that I can't take it anymore and settle for something. Does that mean I don't trust God to be in control and take care of me anymore or am I don't what God wants by humbling taking a position? This is somewhat a difficult thing to answer. Right now I'm a little pissed about this as well. In May, I was ready to say I'll go be a buggy getter at Wal~mart. My mother quickly turned that idea down and was upset that I was even considering it. Now, she is upset that I haven't gotten even a part-time job to supplement my income. What they heck? Why is it settling if it is going to pay the same? Looking back, I can honestly say that June has been really the only month that I've not been highly focused on achieving a good job. So I sit in on the seminar like thing this past week to hear about jobs. I wanted to practice interviews, but I missed that section because I was asked to speak with this woman. I was visibly disappointed after this. The woman I was speaking with couldn't grasp that I don't need a CDA. Then, she really felt that she needed to go into sharing her heart mode. UGH at myself, I sucked because I didn't want to listen to her. But this seminar thing was talking was somewhat through rose colored glasses, but one of the things that was most true was that good jobs come through good connections. Well, I haven't figured out how to make this true for me. I've even applied to two school districts, but I haven't figured out how to get into the inside track for them. I did get a UTMB interview, and I suspect it was because I went through the other channels. People kept acting impressed about that, but what the hell good does it do me if I still can't have a job. I would gladly take a semi-menial job in a good work environment as long as it wasn't too low of pay, but I don't desire to jump through hoops to get jobs like this. God does provide and I'm not doubting Him on that. I am doubting and getting upset with the process. Wednesday I'm going to this networking thing, hopefully more to be encouraged, I'm not sure what kind of contacts that I can really make at this thing.
It just really sucks that getting a job is really a sales thing. It is something that should be kept up with for years with past contacts as well. I really hate that I'm almost 33 and having to deal with this in my life. I've had to apply for positions before, but I was just me and got them. Now I have to learn all this crud to sale myself. UGH...and I know that being false is a large part of why I couldn't deal with being successful at Huntington. Hopefully this week will make the future seem brighter.

comments off on this...i needed more of a vent.