Comment Junk

GRRRRR to the stupid junk comments from advertisers. This is so annoying. I really wished there was a way to block them.

Avon Sucks

When I was doing FAITH with Bay Area Baptist Church, a woman who started selling Avon was on my team. She, of course, asked if I wanted to order. I no longer see her weekly, but I do get her emails from the company for the orders. If I want to get my order, then I need to plan to drive to the area to get it. She did meet me once a little closer down here which is helpful since I had no errands for that area. But what really frustrates me about her having me come all that way to meet her is that I've gone twice now to get stuff, yet she doesn't have one of the items that I want. It is a non-clearance item for a gift. I even said last time that I'd wait to get the new order with it since it was already two weeks late. It sucks that Avon hasn't sent it yet, that I've driven and not received the needed item, and that there doesn't seem to be compensation for this.
The other annoyance is their products aren't as good as they claim. If I purchase something from the dollar store's beauty section, I don't expect it to be the best quality ever. I have been surprised at some good items I have found there. Well the nail polish from Avon doesn't last, the hair minimizin lotion isn't really effective, the french nail manicure set is a joke, and the shoes aren't that comfy.
I love that Avon supports breast cancer support and research, but the care of products for the customer needs to improve greatly.

Random

I know I haven't posted in such a long time. I have in my head but then I decide not to out of time, frustration, or fear. So Today I take on the task of venting some.

One thing that hit me today was how much I need to regain a friendship with someone like me. I used to have this even in seminary. Disagreements are ok to a point, but commonality of values is something I greatly desire. In college and seminary, I had a couple of people in my life that I could bond with just because of core values. I'm getting to a point right now where I don't feel it is emotionally (almost spiritually) safe to be me in my relationships. Why don't have some connections with people who God has created like me? I know that they exist. God, please bring one into my life! What sparked this thought? Really various events of this past year. Tonight was the phone conversation that had a few instances/topics of people trying to convert who I am. As I type this I begin to think that it is a combo of my needing someong of shared values, but also I need to not feel like others are constantly trying to change me.

Tomorrow night I'm going to help serve for this Lighthouse of Love thing that my new church does. While I am most certainly excited about having another way to serve with this church I adore, I'm aware that I could/should be one of the people attending this event. I began to feel so out of place in this church when people began asking for volunteers for it. Would these people who are coming from Emerald Pointe know that I'm not better off than most of them? Just seems odd to me.

The little boy that comes over here to play often made some cookies with me the other day. It was a sweet time as he also helped me decorate the doors. I really hope that I can find some more ways to talk to him about Christ as he comes over during this holiday season.

Point to Ponder: you tell me!

My Question Posted on Ask Matt

The link will only work till Nov.17 but I've cut and pasted it below. It is so exciting to see my name in public form. So interesting to be responded to. I respect and understand his view even though I don't agree. But I'm very thrilled just to see my name on it. Having someone give value to my thoughts is important to me.

Question: A thought hit me a few weeks ago about the show Reba. Perhaps you and other critics should recommend this show to the more conservative viewers. While the humor isn't always top-notch, it is a comedy that has values. The WB should stick it after 7th Heaven instead. To me, Reba is similar to Touched by an Angel in that the show quality isn't always superior, but it does entertain and have values. Would critics such as yourself be able to suggest this show to those viewers seeking shows without the trash found in many popular shows? — Janna
Matt Roush: Consider that message spread — but by you, not by me. I like Reba well enough, but I wouldn't go out of my way to praise it for its "values." I don't judge shows that way, and I certainly don't intend to skew my opinions for a conservative or nonconservative mind-set — although I guess it's pretty evident that many of us champion shows that push the envelope. Besides, there are those who would no doubt take offense at Reba because it deals with divorce, adultery, teen pregnancy, etc. You never know who'll be offended by what, so I'd just as soon deal with a show like Reba on the basis of it being a likably mainstream but unexceptional sitcom (while noting the enormous appeal of its title star).

Friends and Fat

a vent:
I'm torn with frustration at this time. I have almost always been a fat chick. I was an overweight preteen, teen, college student, young woman, and now. It is amazing to me to hear some of the things some people will say to me. I truly have grown somewhat immune to comments from strangers. However, when little statements come from those I think love me, I just want to block out that person. Does she understand that it hurts me when she says something about my eating habits? Does she get that I know I'm fat and unhealthy? Does she comprehend how I love swimming but have to talk myself into having the emotional strength to go with her? I hate that I have gained about 30 pounds since moving down here. Most of that is from lack of activity and some emotional eating. When people talk about my grandma they talk about her cooking the most. When I get home, I feel I need chocolate of some sort to make my evening better. I am really not a cook, but I've received the most encouragement and appreciation from making ice cream. Do you know how screwed up that is? I used to really enjoy walking with Carmen because I didn't feel like I was exercising overall. Yes, a friend can care about my health and even the ickiness of my being fat, but it would be so much better for me if she talked directly about it in love and not about my food choices in a judgemental way.

My Mentor Turns 50

Tonight was the Surprise Birthday party for the woman I have admired the most in my adult years. God called her into Fulltime ministry when she was in college. I met her while she was the Children's Pastor in my church in Arkansas. She was a wonderful leader in that church. There are so many times that I was in awe of her devotion to God as she carried on her tasks for God. She also gave me many opportunities of service when I was in high school. After I battled God and accepted my call to ministry, she invited me for a luncheon where she shared about being a female in ministry and about children's ministry. She also gave me this sheet about priorities that I had lamenated and even now is attached on the wall next to my desk. While I was in college, she left her position at that church to begin her role as a children's counselor. She still does this in the Arkansas area. My sister also became close friends with her as they went to church together. I think it is good this happened as it enabled me to be able to keep in contact with her more easily. She is also a Breast Cancer Survivor. She has had it 3 different times. It has been very tough on her, but she has been able to continually find strength in God even in the crappy times. I truly admire the woman that she is. God just make change her into an angel in Heaven for she is already some that glows well for Him.
Martha, you are loved!

New Church Baptism

Today, I was encouraged again with the decision to join University Baptist Church. Not only was it great to have a baptism during the service, the way it is done is encouraging. The Children's minster, who is a female, was the one in the baptismal! VERY WONDERFUL TO SEE! This church has a variety of people doing the baptism services. I actually haven't seen the senior pastor do it yet. For me it is very positive to recognize the role of many in the church who help leave and develop seeds of faith. Besides the variety of those performing the service, in the congregation the family and those having a role in spiritual development stand. I love this! It is great for a church to recognize the importance of all its members.

ASTROS WIN

All over houston you could hear people in shock and excitement. Our Bs have done it...they are in the World Series! I'm sooo excited for them and for all those that have diligently supported them. What a wonderful accomplishment to finally happen for this team. WHOOHOOO!
I had a wonderful time tonight watching the game with some friends. It was great to catch up with them on life and to meet some new people while every so often having my eyes glance at the television. I am glad that I was invited for this fun time of fellowship and to see a little bit of history being made.
Way to go 'stros!!!

A New little Survey

My online friend Julie composed a new survey thing for this group of online friends I've have for the last four years. We called ourselves the Quad after meeting in a Christian chat room. It is kinda funny that we all hooked up. I still don't get why we are all connected, but we flirt with still being connected as friends. We've been through a marriage, two births, horrible breakups, and a divorce since meeting online. I do believe there can be real relationships found in chatting conversations. Sadly they are just hard to find. BUT this is the little questionaire that she created after I answered yet another survey that is so common with some not so nice answers. Because this has real questions of value, I thought it would be good of me to put it on here. Yes, it does scare me a little. When it ask for extreme answers of best and worst, I may not be giving exactly truth on this as I may be protecting others or myself. But it would fit in the spectrum of the answer.
1. What did you want to be for a living when you were in highschool? I wanted to be a lobbyist (went to college with this mindset) or a hostess for the UN (foreign languages changed that dream).
2. If you could change your profession now, what would you be doing? EASY! I'd be a Children's Minister.
3. What gift would you never want to get again? as not wanting to offend the giver I shall not answer this
4. What do people remember you for that you wish they wouldn't? The funny embarrassing stories don't bother me most of the time when shared. I do regret that people recall and try to use against me when I threw a glass bottle of sprite at my sixth youth minister.
5. What do you do when you're lonely? Get on the phone or chat on the computer.
6. What is your biggest regret? (not sure if biggest is sharable) I regret the impact my decision to go to Meredith has had on my life.
7. When you die, what song do you want sung at your funeral? hummm..just one song? I have g-ma's list with about 7 songs she wasn't sung or played. He Is Here sung by everyone and there is the Geoff Moore song that I've always liked but I can't think of the title right now...when I figure it out I'll let you know
8. What is your greatest accomplishment? accepting my call to ministry...odd how what I thought would be my greatest personal defeat isn't guess I'll have to keep learning that one as I stop trying to make God think He doesn't know what He is doing
9. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Completed my master's degree (I was saying that 5yrs ago..ugh) and have a career job that fits my ministry area. And to have going the knowledge and faith that I should have increased during these 6yrs of being here.
10. What is your favorite thing about where you're living now? All the space and I can afford it.
11. What is your least favorite thing about where you're living now? the distance from church (so the lonliness somewhat)
12. What would you miss the most if you lost it (not including people)? Loading up your car for a hurricane evacuation will make you think about this one materially. But helping with the hurricane's aftermath, I'd say water. Perhaps, ice would be the better answer since that way it could be cold and then melted to water.
13. What are you really talented at? Coming up with at the moment activities for children.
14. What "motto" do you try to live by? I'm sure that a motto could be applied to my life but I don't live by one.
15. If you were going to start up a little shop, what would you sell? Homemade Ice Cream...no plain chocolate of vanilla available
16. What do you argue with your parents about the most? probably a tie about how much we talk on the phone and if I get enough personal time
17. Do you want any (or any more) children? No! I am not going through that pain!
18. What is the #1 thing you want your children (or the children around you) to learn? What a real relationship with Jesus Christ is and to make it work for them.
19. If you could to go school and learn something just for the fun of it (completely unrelated to work) what would you learn about? Sewing (but I don't think it would be fun...just cost effective)
20. What is the most touching thing anyone has ever done for you? ;) gave me a bath! lots of touching involved with that. emotionally, I'd have to say kept/still keeping a secret and loving me anyways.

Picture in Morning Worship

OH, how I wish I could have taken a picture during worship today. The children's director was leading the baptism part of worship. The children's director is a woman and she was in the water, in the white doing the dunking! My soul was smiling when I saw such a wonderful amount of acceptance offered through the actions of my church.
I do hope to continue to see such wonderful things as this as I continue to grow in my faith and excitement about Jesus here.

Rita Help --The Mini Mission

Today a group from my new church went to help with some of the Rita devasation in East Texas. I was honored to be able to call and say I could go to help. The journey took almost 3hrs as we were in evacuation like traffic. (ended up being a four car wreck far ahead near a bridge) Thankfully some of the passengers knew alternate routes so we headed on back roads to get to our destination. You could certainly see when we got closer to the devasted areas as there were more trees through homes and tarp covered roofs. The church that was send us to our assignments was FBC-Kirbyville. We reached there and all went to the bathroom. Then we divided up into the Chainsaw group and the Food Group. Jokes were made most of the morning about the risks for the Chainsaw group. We were going to have only four do the food so more could help haul, but the Kirbyville pastor's wife said that hauler for the wood weren't as needed. So we sent more to food. The area we went to still had many places with no power or power just within the last couple of days. Some of the homes still didn't have drinkable water. We set up near a tree outside of a church building. As people came by we were able to offer them jugs of water, cans of food, snack items, and eventually ice. I enjoyed my task of carrying water jugs to the cars of the people. Later in the afternoon, I suggested that we use the children's wagon someone in our group had brought to be able to deliver some of the ice to those down the road. We took about 20bags of ice to those people and let them know food was available if they wanted to come get it and we could also give them more ice. Overall one of the things that can't be said enough is that most all of the people we were helping didn't want to take more than there share. I had to reassure many people that it was ok for me to have given them three jugs of water for two people. (heck we would have done more but we didn't know we were going to get more water when we started) Things slowed down around 3:00pm so we loaded up ourselves and headed back to meet up with our Chainsaw crew. When we got back to them the group worked together to haul limbs from a yard, then we grabbed drinks and headed to come back home. We listened to the Astros game on the way back. (oh joy..lol) As we got almost all the way back, we came upon traffic again. We again used the intelligence of the church members to take some back roads to get us away from the traffic. The funny part about this back road thing was that we took the same exit each time!
Two wonderfully positive things about this day was that the senior pastor was very much involved with this and totally had a servants heart as he went where needed! I truly love my new pastor. The other was that God made it so we didn't face mosquitos. We only batted at LoveBugs throughout the day. This was a true blessing even though we were all prepared.
I very much look forward to helping the next time.

Why am I a baptist?

One of my friends asked me awhile back about why I was a baptist. She was asking me because of my frustration with the Southern Baptist Convention. Through doing a letting survey and finding the church for me, I was able to come to the reasoning of this to my soul. I wanted that reasoning to be deeper than being a preconception southern baptist.
Below is the response I gave to her:
Soooo...you once asked me why I was baptist. I have started various answers at different times. Since reading the news updates on and the blog exchange for NOBTS, I am reminded what is ingrained in my about being a baptist. Politically I don't enjoy the way many in the convention make God out to be. Granted I do believe that NOBTS is a special breed of staff and education. This was not something that I knew forsure before being there and at Southwestern. Here is a link to an article of focus as they clean up the seminary. http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=21828 This outreach mentallity is very much part of being a baptist to me. The Cooperative Program is for the shared funds to reach out. When I read that article I don't feel like Dr.Kelly is even hinting that some aren't called to help minister to this city. This is my upbringing. The education of missions was big when I was a child. I wanted my friends to be saved. (I almost lost my middle school best friend because I was so gunho and didn't understand how God could be accessed differently in a different denomination.) While I never took to the memorization of scriptures, I always understood that God said it and there aren't errors in it. Even with my liberal baptist college education, I still believe this. I think it is in the people that it gets screwed up in what we think it says. While there are other things that make being a baptist unique, these are the main two reasons that it is dear to my soul even when I feel hatred from those who make decisions as baptist leaders.
Point to ponder: Has my life been very baptist lately? Sadly no. I'm working on it again as I get to know my neighbors and build relationships with them. Oddly, it was during the time that I was doing FAITH that I shared with people the least. I somewhat wonder if that was partly do to my surroundings or if I forgot what sharing really was about. I am glad to be back to have the spirit of desire back in me to hold truth to God's word and to believe I can share with others about him.

Signing The Covenant

I am sooo thrilled and excited to day. While I know that this is susposed to be the day of national reflection for the awful attack we received four years ago, I am also optimistic about my new beginning. Feeling Christian love is such a wonderful thing. As I've said before acceptance is a large part of love for me. Knowing that I have value inspite of being female encourages me so much. I am excited to be in relationship with God again. While I know that my church membership doesn't really have to effect that relationship, I allow it to. When I feel like my church doesn't value me, then I question God's value for me. Not being able to serve means I'm not worshipping or honoring God. This makes me feel like I don't belong as a child of God. I wish I had better words to express this for those who love me. It isn't about being a feminist or whatever...it is about fulfilling my calling. God has given me abilities that aren't just for behind the scenes. The smile that my heart had when I saw that women were able to read scripture, pray, and do the offering in a Sunday Morning Service was a clear indicator to me that I belonged in my new church. This church also has such a desire for real missions and not just the abroad stuff. (I really think if you aren't doing it locally then pffffftttt to the efforts far away.) I look forward to becoming involved in the efforts of local missions. I'm not stupid and I know that no church is perfect! I am just very thankful and feeling blessed that God has allowed me to join this church who I already feel love from despite not really knowing people there.

Katrina Tears --- Part 2

I have enjoyed discovering that almost everyone I had built a relationship with in New Orleans had evacuated. Thankfully the missionaries that I worked with were able to get out some of the teens. I also was so thankful to know that the church building I was at only had minimal damage. The seminary is having classes for students in various ways. The professors and administration are having the faith and strength from God to go on. I love that this seminary has so much heart and drive to continue the teaching and mission that God has for it. I cried when reading the blogs for the seminary and thinking how blessed I've been by knowing this people of such strong faith.
Despite what some have said, I so agree that some people are better off with the new start they are being given. The people of need are no longer hidden...people are not reaching out to them. All the political mess behind it is just crap, but it is good to know that people are now trying to make a difference. One of the things that made me cry was giving a little girl a hug after playing with her. She quickly said to me that she didn't know white people would be so nice. Something is sooo screwed up with our world when children say things like this. At least she can now know that love doesn't have to be based on color any more in her world.
I thank God for letting me be able to serve in some ways during this mess. Even though I wasn't as used as I could have been, I cherish and am thankful for the times which I was able to be used and show God's love.

Katrina Tears --- Part 1

Gosh, I hate crying soo much in a day that I can't seem to think of other things. Especially on my way home tonight I just kept sobbing once I saw the refugees in the normally vacant motels on my street! Soooo many people have no place of their own for at least 2mths. The people of LA get to be Texans for bit. The images of the people being rescued and then having to wait on the bridges till the buses could help them get out brought so many tears. Then the shock of a man that had been rescued and was safe on the overpass jumping to his death from the overpass. I understand some of the bitterness that these people felt on the bridge, but it is sad that our level of patience is sooo lessened during tragedy. I want to work on that within my self. By morning those people will live in the Astrodome and other houston areas. Just thinking about the people who went to the Superdome having to come here after not having water or electricity since Monday. Three days without a shower...oh my! Of course even worse are those who have waded through the murky waters to safety or those who have been rescued off their roofs after days! I'm HATE the looting...it isn't so much the theft that is bothering me as the blantant disregard for the situation and the need to get out.
I am PISSED that I heard someone on the religious station say that Katrina came through New Orleans because of God wanting to show his power in such a city of sin. That is a load of crap! God is NOT going to do that. Also it is wrong since it was the day after Katrina that the New Orleans area was destroyed. There is much good for God in New Orleans. There are some growing churches and serious faith work being done!
Which this is a large part of my thoughts. I couldn't not think on Sunday about a hurricane testimony Ms.Linda used to tell. I heard her give it many times. She was about to evacuate with the semester missionaries, but she didn't because some of the teens were stuck there. Parents had left without their teens! There were about 10 of them if I recall. She got them together and they stayed and survived the storm in the center. There is no way they could have done that this time. I finnally saw on the news some of the 11th ward near Tchoupitoulas side. Very clearly is was also under much water which really didn't surprise me after enduring the many rainy bread days there. The other thing I have thought about today is hope. With one of the teens at the center, the quote I came away with is "why doesn't harrold feel hope?" I have prayed about this for him since I left. New Orleans Seminary is one of the very few places that is above sea level but they do know there is some damage and at one of the off site residences. I am very curious about the decision that they will make on Friday for this semester. (Dr.Paula and Jacksons, I'm praying for you!) I heard yesterday morning on the radio a woman from Metarie. I trembled when she talked about the water on Bonnabell in the old part of Metarie. This is where I went for church. I loved this church. I lived through the spring of 2000 because of this church. I learned real evangelism because of this church. I am sad to know that the building has received damage but I'm sadder to know that these people will have to endure two homes of healing.
Point to Ponder: Will my prayers finally make me secure in knowing that God is in control?

Fake Christians Make Me GRRRRR

GRRRRRRRR! Why do some ignorant souls have to make it so hard to let others know what God's love really is! EVEN worse to me is that this is happening at the funerals of soldiers.
quote:
The Rev. Fred Phelps, founder of Westboro Baptist in Kansas, contends that American soldiers are being killed in Iraq as vengeance from God for protecting a country that harbors gays. The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps' children, grandchildren and in-laws.
This Phelps guy is really the leader of a cult if you ask me so I'm willing to send in the feds to stop them! I'd rather have David Koresh than this idiot who wants to pretend to be following God. What a way to have a church...birth them! And people are opposed to women being actual biblical leaders yet we have this fool going to funerals. A real Christian knows that the signs should be "God hates Sin" which of course includes Phelps sin of hatred on people. The bible speaks to false teachers alot also...shame on him for being one.
(grrrrrrr...being annoyed with false Christians so not the way to begin a Sunday morning)

The only thing I can think right now of how to apply this to me is to not keep these annoyance feelings before heading to church service. Thankfully I have sometime to listen to Enter His Gates to try to get in the right frame of heart again.

White dress?

ok...I really have no desire 95% of the time to get married but the whole idea of blowing off the stupid traditions that so many find vital is extremely appealing! One of which is the whole white dress concept which is broken by so many because the image of the bride being a virgin is so rare even for those married in a church as Christians. (also annoys me that people the the female has to wear white yet the male doesn't need to wear white....just stupid) But one of the things I'd break about this is to not wear the white dress. I figure it is not all the onlookers business about my virginity or my future mates...since so many I know wore white and it is very clear they had no concept of waiting for sex. As I had this thought today because I spilled red koolaid on my white shirt today. I totally remembered hearing through out my life about not wearing white. Seriously, my mom really didn't want to purchase white things for me because I'd be so hard on it. So it would make sense to me that a dress to celebrate and worship a new beginning would not be white for me.
Just a random thought today that I thought I'd share.

First Day of School

Sadly this was a difficult to complete day it seemed for all four of us. A teen annoyed, a teacher in traffic, a elder bruised, and me with too many changes/mishaps. What a way to begin the new year.

The changes are the much earlier time and the cost of gas. Thankfully I've been trying to train my brain some during the last few weeks, but leaving at the time I used to get up is a challenge. I am the one that was able to get 10 and 11am classes through almost all of my college years. (of course Meredith would be the one that screwed up that record!) So I'm learning to adapt by getting to bed earlier and changing my routine somewhat. The cost of gas really shocked me when I went to fill up my tank yesterday. I had $20 on my Wal~mart card and it didn't fill up the tank on my little car! UGH. So I have to be more creative now and entertaining my grandma as we are at her home...we can't just watch television all day. hopefully the prices will actually go back down after labor day! I know that we certainly will be doing more walks when the temperature gets less. Just difficult knowing we are needing to stay in doors. (perhaps think pre-paid GAS cards for my birthday...isn't that sad?)
The mishaps were the rabbits being out free. I enjoy animals but needing to be responsible for so many gets annoying especially when I think that the owner could have prevented this escape. The rain meant we couldn't sit on the porch today to watch the school kids coming home. (it was also a blessing for it cooled things for a moment) Grandma needed two baths today and she kept walking without her walker. I got very frustrated with this. I truly hate who I am when I have this frustration.
Soooo how do I apply what I need to do so the entire year doesn't bring me down? I gotta use that time before grandma gets up in the morning to give God control of my day. I'm gonna start doing some biblical reading there in the morning. I'm also gonna make sure I sing a couple of songs and give him praise for the privilege of being called to help my grandma. Then on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am going to have grandma have a small God focus time with me. I know she will not remember it but I think that for me doing it with her it will help us have a better day together. She doesn't pray in the inspiring way that she used to but somehow I still believe that God listens to her pray and answers her more speedily.
Time to get some sleep for Day 2.

Another Explosion?

There was yet another explosion at the BP plant in TxCity. UGH. I will put in a link to the local paper tomorrow because I'll prefer it's reporting of it. All the news has said that the explosion was around 6pm. I was blessed for I wasn't out driving by the plant to get home at that time. However, we are very curious about the explosion because we heard a small boom around 7:30. I have no clue what that was about then. I saw no smoke in the sky when I was driving home around 6:30pm, so it doesn't make any sense to me with the news reports I've heard on the local news and read on line. Thankfully there have been NO injuries reported. Lets just hope it doesn't stink too much in the morning to get to grandma's home.

A job

Hey...I'm a night owl, so I could get a job here. I hear they make good money at these places. At least I could fit in with a portion of the performers. I know, I know...God wouldn't like it too much. Why is it that when things aren't going good rebellion that would still benefit myself seems like such a good option? Ugh...I hate that about being me.

Postcard Secrets

Wow...this is some seriously thought proking pictures of secrets. They have a range of emotions but most of them bring sorrow to my heart. Sadly, I have a friend who has a postcard on it. I believe I've figured out which is hers. Perhaps a I should have said a prayer for each of the senders as I looked over it. Wonder if I would be brave enough to mail a secret in.
Here is the link here also if the other didn't work for you.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Is it sin to have a sex change?

Dang It...I really hate trying to type while there are tears up flowing in my eyes. President Bush just announced that his choice for Sandra Day O'Conner's judicial replacement is John Roberts. Clearly that is a male. GRRRRRRRR! How dare he be so blantant in hatred in the support of his wife's resquest and the needs of this country! Why couldn't he replace her position with another woman? Where is his faith in God to run the country fairly and with character? There is so many that that I approve of that Bush has done...but now none of that matters for his decision indicates to me that women are not really valued to him. Perhaps cause he had such trouble keeping his own children watched over. Why do we keep taking steps backwards in religious arenas and government? I remember so clearly learning about Sandra Day O'Conner in high school. I was in awe of her and loved that one of the females in my high school clique put her on a pedestal. I had hope that Bush would do what is right for the country by selecting the right woman to replace her.
Point to ponder? Would praying for our country really work with this decision that has been made. I know that prayer works but I wonder right now if it is what is right. For what is the purpose of Christian women if we can't do anything but give birth. Certainly God screwed up then in creating me and in the women he has caused to have miscarriages. (heck I know of nine who have had miscarriages in the last year...all wanting children.)
The question that I've been really challenging myself with lately is why do I have to endure being female. Church doesn't seem supportive lately of females lately...especially non penis females. I'm not girly and I don't fit in with most females. I certainly don't usually feel pretty. I've not found a church where it is ok for me to serve and be supported in the areas that God has gifted me for. So why oh why did God make me female?

Won't You Be My Neighbor

AWWW...Childhood memories of comfort are a blessing. This morning as I was flipping the channel to see different news on the London Bombing, I saw Fred Rogers feeding the fish. I went past the channel quickly, yet I turned back to it and watched the last 10 minutes of it. He had already gone to the land of make believe. It was fun to smile at the Speedy Delivery! Then I was treated to some various sounds on the various flutes. One of the cool things of this segment was the guy playing the flutes was blind yet this was never mentioned and just made to be very normal. How amazing it is that Fred Rogers made a point to just focus on the music part of the segment. He truly was the ultimate Early Childhood Development teacher.
This applies to my purpose because I need to continue be learning the best ways to minister to children so that their level is truly reached.

"It was on a Thursday...

SOMEBODY Changed Me. It must have been the hand of the Lord."

And even better is that Today...there is a brand new one that was changed. My nephew was changed today when he accepted Christ in to his life during is Vacation Bible School! I'm delighted in his decision and I so look forward to the details. This is the most important decision he will ever make in his life and how thrilling it is that he made it as a child!

A poem by Janna

For those that don't know, I generally don't understand poetry. I thought it was torture to make me write it through out my schooling. Well yesterday I found that my grandma save a poem that I mailed to her after it had been published in the local paper and the high school literature book. I do believe that even then I thought it seemed like a childish poem. It made me laugh to find it in the things she saved. Perhaps it will make you chuckle also. It isn't intended to give you any points to ponder.
Exalted Events
The proud experiences of the times
Just keep on coming into mind.
Young or old,
Brave or bold,
We all have episodes
Where memories will never erode;
The first time to fly
And see a cloud go by...
And for some,
Having sons...
Parents being able to afford
A college kid's room and board...
Being married 50 years
May be what brings some cheer...
Some can't forget learning to drive
(Can it get to ninety-five?)
You might forget
The usual incident, though
These special moments
Will never go.

***and the funny bonus is that I autographed it for her..lol!

Secular meet church Ideals

I just got this today from yahoo people. Interesting that what we've heard all along in church teachings is what people are sending out through messages now. Honestly, what saddens me more about getting this is that some people have to be told this because of the many bad experiences that they have had. Of course the word that I think it the coolest in it all...is Wait. Now ponder that!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

MICKEY FOR ALL AGAIN

Amen, Amen, Amen! But of course the main question is did it ever matter anyways? There was no way in heck I participated in the boycott. I love being in FL working as a baptist and going to DisneyWorld. I like that have have Mickey ears. I kinda think it is funny that this official statement has been made cause who really remembered about it anyway? Oh well Christians haven't been stupidly in the news for awhile so I guess this is how they wanted to be talked about again. At least people can't feel shame for experiencing some good entertainment again!

The Gift --- a "used" duck

First of all I'm shocked with all these duck posts and seriously I know that soon these will not be the way I base everything. Even though my home seems to be overly ducky. At least yellow is a bright color that makes us smile and think of the sun.
This afternoon one of the girls that I've made friends with in the complex knocked on my door. I almost didn't answer since I was in cleaning mode with the cleaning look on. Thankfully, I was smart and looked out the key hole and decided to go ahead and open the door. This little girl held up a plastic bag with a rubber ducky in it and said this is for you cause I know you like ducks. (ok...crapola my eyes are getting watery) She came inside and showed her friend around my place. Then she asked if I was gonna open my present. (she asked with such excitement.) I had neglected to do so since I could see it through the bag. (lesson learned there!) Took it out of the bag and we placed it in a well viewable place on the shelf. Then she said she didn't want to disturb me or bother me just to bring me the gift. She has such wonderful manners! I told her I was proud of her and gave her a little hug. Even though they are disappointed and surprised that I don't have children, some how they still want to be around me. I love this!
Now I've been given many ducks and some of them by some of y'all. This is one of those that goes into the treasured gift category. It may be scuffed up, but the heart in which it was given touches my soul.
The point to ponder: How shall I help to touch a smile on her soul in return?

The Duck Influence

"The world would undoubtedly be a better place if each and every one of us had a rubber duck somewhere in our life." ~Jon Wright

or at least the world could be a better place if each and every one of us could have the experience of learning like a duck and being able to truly love those different from us.
One odd thing about living here that should probably freak me out is that I have only met one other white person in my apartment complex. She was an old woman that asked me for a cigarette on my first Sunday morning here. The rest of my neighbors have been kind and friendly. The children have asked me to play with them but were polite when they saw me reading on the porch and asked first if they were disturbing me. I know they are ducks yet but I have learned they some of them have moms that love ducks. How funny...doesn't it make one wonder? If you looked at my place you'd think I have too many ducks. And I might agree at times since no room is free of them. But perhaps they can serve as a reminder that it takes work but people can and do love each other just because they are people. At least, that it what I want them to remind me.

Risk take Or Give Up?

By Sandra Magee Womack, December 11, 2000, in the Baptist Standard (that is the paper weekly put out by Texas southern baptists)
"For over 100 years, Baptist women have been "risk-takers." We have been stepping forward and risking the condemnation of not only an unchurched and lost people, but also of our Baptist brothers in our own denomination. The Lord did not stop with gender when it comes to confessing your faith. Women in ministry don't take no for an answer. We are a group that must say, "Look at our history, the foundation we have laid, and look to our future women in educating them."___Still not convinced it's not only your right, but your place? Let the following be your basis for taking your place in ministry:___ First, the first money given to the first nationwide Baptist convention was given by women; women who knew that their money would help foreign missionaries. Second, although tithing is taught in God's word, it was not a concept that was widely known or accepted until Woman's Missionary Unioin educated Baptists about the idea. Third, until an organized group of women began "weeks of prayer" and special mission offerings, churches had no organized method of praying and giving to missions. Fourth, WMU has been the lifeline for Baptist missionaries for over 100 years.___Still need a "scriptural" reference for your place in women's ministry? What better example of this than the woman who wept at Jesus' feet when they nailed him to the cross, Mary Magdalene. Mary possibly spent more time with Jesus than any other woman during his ministry. Jesus used Mary as a willing disciple and role model for all women. At a time when the followers of Jesus were scorned, ridiculed and even threatened by death, Mary remained faithful. She was with him through the hours of crucifixion and death, and she boldly returned to be near him in the garden. Even in the midst of fear and grief, she risked her life and remained committed to Jesus. It's no wonder that Mary was first to witness the resurrection and that Jesus issued his first commission to a woman, "Go and tell."___If we are to grow as Christian women in our understanding of God, we have to expect tough circumstances and be willing to "risk" the disappointment that is bound to confront us. Baptist women have met with confrontation since Baptists' inception, and that confrontation has made us strong and even more useful to Christ. We live in turbulent and fractured times. To stand in opposition to the majority always involves risk. Baptist women must not sit idle, but we must continue to be risk-takers. Women in ministry have discipled, educated and trained both men and women to "go and tell."___Women in ministry, from teaching to preaching, is a campaign. It is a campaign of eternal significance, not a campaign for women's rights. Women in Baptist work today are leaders and already know their rights. They are knowledgeable, understanding, educated, well-groomed and fun to be with. They also are accountable to Jesus Christ and his guidance, not one of any "man-made creed."___Let no man tell a woman what to believe or not believe, when to speak or not speak. That is a right that remains only with Jesus Christ. It is to him we pledge our allegiance. It is to him we shall be accountable. It is with him that we shall serve, and it is him that we shall reign with in eternity."

I am having to search to support myself in the gender God made me right now. I don't get that from my church and I'm am struggling with some things valuable women are facing right now. My mentor is dealing with her 4th round of breast cancer! I can accept that God lets bad things happend to good people...but making her endure this yet again. I'm just overly frustrated that these things are occuring. I don't want to fight to be the person God made me to be...I want to be love and used as the person God made me to be. Why is this soooo difficult for some to accept and do?

No Penis = No Value

If you are in the Southern Baptist Convention or have known me awhile, then you are aware of the problems women face with being Godly leaders. The past three weeks at the place of worship I've been with for most of my time down here, I realized how much I will never be able to do there. During my time there, I have only been ask to do anything on the platform when all other possibilities were gone. I have never been on a committee. Plenty of males have been doing these things. Heck...the last preacher even put a male med student in the role of leading music. This med student had no desire for ministry but politics rang true. In the last business meeting that I attended (after not having been able to afford to go most Sunday nights for a long time), I learned that once again preference would be given to males in our congregation. These males haven't even been attending with this church for 6mths. Yet, they are offered to be licensed because they have a penis. This isn't the way of God. God wants us to support those with evidence and trueness of heart. We can't see that in these men yet. If they are truly called to be apart of this church, then they should have some time in being apart of the church. And who is making this decision of sexism. No, God didn't give me a penis but that doesn't mean the church shouldn't prayerfully support me in ministry. This is what we claim licensing to be. The people making this hateful decision are saying that God has made a mistake in making me female when they choose not to give value to God's calling on my life.
There is more to this lack of value. Because women in the church who are married are attached to one with a penis, therefore they have some value. However this value is HIGHLY limited. They can only serve in areas of hospitality or with babies. Actually it is clear the men think they are better that the people who serve in these areas for if they actually thought this was important then they would serve there. I do not like the hospitality stuff. God wired me so complain to Him if that is a problem. I do like toddlers and preschoolers and children, but babies are very annoying. Again, God wired me so it is ok that I feel this way. God did make me great at being a greeter and I enjoy that. God did make me great with administration. I love to pray and read scripture. Heck, I can even tell you a little bit about what that scripture means. I'm not called to be a preacher, but I should be supported in the area that God has called me for. When I drive away from my church, I am frustrated in the lack of value I have. I'm not used and I'm not gonig to be used to serve since I don't meet the standard of having a penis.
I hate that the church is like this is sooo many area. I don't want to have to look for a new church. I don't want people thinking I've left because of music or singleness. Purpose Driven Life was a joke with this church and it became a joke to me because I knew it wasn't being applied. My purpose can't be obtained if I'm not valued and therefore loved. My goal is that God will quickly help me to discover where I shod be so that this can be found.

Horoscope

I soo hate it when these are soo right on it. This actually was a positive reminder for me tonight though because I'm tired of trying to make peace occur. I truly have gotten drained because I can't change people or make them accept differences more. Sadly I can only change me...and sometimes even with that I have to have God to do it. I also know that I'm gonna be glad to think of myself this Sunday night when I have all my room to myself again. Even with moving a week later it will be nice to have some personal space to not share with Bob and Sally. Funny how that happens no matter how much you love the ones you are sharing with. I am a peace maker. I'm not a middle child, but I like for people to have understanding and get along. I hate when people are fake about it though. I do want and need to be around people that can be who they are and love each other inspite of who they are. I strive to be that person. I pray God continues to help be become that person.
Libra
Making peace is what comes most easily to you and what you do best. But for some reason, you're just not in the mood to do that today. Maybe it's because your last attempt wasn't quite as appreciated as it should have been. Maybe it's because you're tired of listening to why people can't do what it takes to get along. Whatever it is, though, it's convinced you to think of yourself this weekend. And it's about time.

To Be A Bridesmaid

"Wow...I really enjoyed Phantom. Thanks for coming with me even with all you have to do after getting engaged last night and it being Christmas Eve." (hug, take a few steps) "I'll see you tonight at the Christmas Eve Service." (other take comes few steps forward) "I want to ask you to be my bridesmaid."
(in head) "WHAT? did I hear her right? She couldn't mean me. I'm not worthy of that honor. Yikes...am I really that close to her?" (out loud) "yes, thank you" (hug with facial expression of does she realize who she just asked but smiling happily) She uttered something of assurance, but I, of course, didnt hear that. My brain was just whirling with questions and emotions. I had trouble grasping that I could be loved enough to do this task of honor. I feared not being able to fill my resposibilities because of cost, beauty, and womanly roles of tradition with a wedding. (This is the action many believed Heidi would do, yet she asked me to read scripture. Granted, we know I didn't do that because her chavinistic husband was unable to be respectful of me and I wasn't stood up for when he was. So this caused me some fear since there were times that I'd complain about Phillip..the brides groom. Now, I love Phillip so don't get confused on that. Phillip and I are very opposite in many ways, and differences can sometimes bring frustration. Being that Phillip is male and has some authority, I sadly often find the negatives on him. But you know how that is really handled well...we pray together...and I praise God that it is ok that we are different because we still respect each other's right to know God in her/his own way.)
Thankfully, there were five others to fill these roles and the excitement of my mom. Sometimes I thought this was my wedding for my mom...lol. My family helped with the cost because they adore the bride and the brides mom. My seamstress did a great job on helping me to be comfortable in the dress. Lori made sure my hair was done with some life. It was truly a team effort all around.
The emotional part of it is still amazing to me. During the ceremony, I had to make sure not to laugh so I was doing my best to not smile. I hope that doesn't make me look like I hated being there. The service part of this role is the best. And I can't explain why. I loved praying for Mandi. As weird as it was, I enjoyed helping her get her shoes on. Wearing girly undergarments and shoes isn't that tough when you love someone. I wish I could convey the joy that I had from seeing them finally marry, but God gets my heart and that is what matters.
Thing to consider: What area of service in friendship is the hardest and what bring the most joy? The hardest part for me is often in helping without being asked. I hope to develop this better. I do what I can when I'm asked but there are times I feel I should do without being asked. The part that bring the most joy is praying for them without them knowing and then seeing/hearing the results of that.

10 Wonderful Things About Founders

These are in no particular order.

1. The songs --old and new.
2. Meghan.
3. Still being able to fit in with both halves of my class.
4. Meeting Duck Toes, CSC '60.
5. The organized weekend.
6. Having so many things similar with people yet also still being different.
7. Skits of CSC '55. Y'all are a wild bunch.
8. Seeing the passion in the new president's personal and public speaking.
9. Hearing truths about the past.
10. Speaking to current students and knowing that it is still about the care of the individual student while still allowing students to grow at her own pace.

**if only I knew how to upload pictures

Questions from a Cottey First Year

These questions are posted on the blog of a current Cottey student. I think it is interesting how it kinda applies for me also. I wanted to consider these questions for myself and with how it relates for my days at Cottey also.

What do I want from life? To follow with will of God. Yeah that is the answer I'm susposed to give. I also want to be happy through that following God. I know that God has the best plan for me but trusting that isn't always easy.
What do I hope to achieve before I die? I would like to have a career that God and I are proud of. I would like to see reconciliation with my family. I want the five people that are on my list of people I worry about their salvation to let me know that they have found God.
What kind of an impact am I hoping to make with my presence on this earth? (see above) I want to know that my career has made a difference in children finding and deepening relationships with God. I want more than two people to see past my facade and get to know the real Janna.
Where do I want to be in ten years? If this is God's plan, I want to have my Masters and be working in Nashville or something similar to Lifeway in 10yrs.
Where do I want to be next year? I seriously hope that I do not move again till it is time to move back to seminary after I move at the end of April. Spiritually I would like to be back(or greater) to where I was Feb.7, 2000.
What about this summer, in two months, where do I want to be then? This is a big question for me also since there will be no close friends at my church when most will be moving in May. I need to know what is going to be the best for me mentally, spiritually, financially in the church I am apart of in June. I would LOVE for my church to license me after hearing them offer to do so for an unknown male.
Why did I choose Cottey, and do those reasons still stand today? The reason that I went to Cottey are in another blog. I know I didn't make the friendships that I had hoped to have made during my time there. I also realize that is partly do to my own decisions and personality as well as things I couldn't control. It did help me alot with dealing with relationships with women through learning that there is a greater acceptance level possible. If I could do Cottey over again, I would. I would do it like to do it differently so that I do have the more lasting friendships. But while I don't have that connection in strong relationships to one or two, I do have a connection that I cherish to fellow alums and PEOs.
Have my experiences as a Cottey frosh (baby blue) been enough for me or do I want to stick it out and come back next year (go Ducks!) despite the cost? This was a hard question for me. Sadly not because of the cost but because our class had become so divided over traditions. I also wasn't aure I could belong in my suite since they were such players. Sticking it out was possible because of the events of my calling in April. I knew I was where I belonged despite the struggles. I needed to learn more so I was to stay.
Will a state school be enough for me?Can I get the same education from a state school that I can get at Cottey? Book wise the same information can be obtained, but the smallness of the school allows leaning on such a greater level. Most students hate music appreciation for it is usually a large and boring class for them. For me it was good and I learned since we only had two in the class. Some of the professors took a real interest in the lives of their students. Even the President of the College knows many of the students by first name. When I transferred to another private women's college, I had been a little more prepared than some of my fellow students in some areas. State schools can be good things..it is all about finding a place of belonging. Perhaps we belong and we don't know it.

School Shootings Suck

What can we learn? What can we do to stop it? Why can't we love those who feel the need to rage? What has changed to have yet another occurence of high school shootings?

I really am mainly filled with questions, saddness, and frustration. Then may not have the reasoning that the shooter went to his school to kill his fellow students, but I don't need their contrived reasoning. I know that the reason as we've sucked at showing and offering love. I'm soo included in that also. The Columbine boys really expressed that for us. They didn't understand that love that Cassie had in her. While Cassie was a testimony in her death, perhaps she didn't have enough along side of her in life to show those boys that love is there. I'm not sure how to make myself be loving to others, but I hope that the children I will be blessed to influence will be able to. The news just makes me wanna growl and pray that we learn to love. More importantly that the love is received in the way it was intended to!
This whole thing is thoughts to consider...grrrr!

14 Days from now is Founders

YIKES!!!!! I know that I am happily excited but the fear of it is also setting in. Oh I wish I knew if Florida or Wheatlake people were coming. I think it is very cool to know that most of the Robbie Rec Rats are coming! 10 years later that can truly be a unified front! Having the Rats there will be interesting for our class in participating in some of the traditions. We weren't allowed to know who they were when we were students, but oddily many of us still pretty much knew. Hopefully some of their FOF will be in attendance also as we try to sing louder and more excited than the Class of '90 and '75. The parade should also be fun since it is a new traditon for our class to experience as a class. While I grew much as a person during my years at Cottey, I don't believe that I have that many close friendships. This was partly my own doing because I was in that growing stage and I wasn't sure how to make connections during all the tradition battles. I truly believe that traditions unify a suite the most unless a suite studies together or goes through other things together. The seniors of the suite do much to set the tone of a suite...this is something that applies well to church. If we want closeness in our small groups, we need to be open and work to find ways of inclusion.

Special at Sagemont

This Sunday I was able to attend worship with another church. This was amazing for me because the feeling was so strong of goodness. As I walked through the hall of the children's building, I felt the joy in the crowd. I could hear some crying but I could also hear some calming and loving words being said. There was laugher and encouragement in the ladies restroom. The feeling of being herded in to the sanctuary wasn't pushy or uncomfortable. I arrived about 10mins before the service began so I had a great middle of front seat. The music was dynamic and we sang choruses and hymns. I secretly chuckled as I only knew one of the songs because of the Glowing Heart CD. There was thought put into how we would worship in song, announcements, prayer, offering, singing, listening, and greeting. The flow was great for there weren't long pauses between the different parts and all parts were of equal importance. With the sermon, the pastor warned that the message could be controversial, but I left wanting to fight to be better in my walk with God. After the message I was still confident in the evidence of my Christian growth, but I also was aware of changes that are needed.
Most importantly I left feeling the love of God was there. I know there are problems there, but I also felt some love between the people. One thing that struck me during the service and after was one thought. I didn't focus on who I am not but who I am. Lately, in my church my focus is on how I'm different from so many of the others...sadly sometimes this is added to by their comments about some of the difference.
I don't know where I'll be attending in May, but I am very thankful that God let me have this burst of faith through being in attendance with Sagemont.

Jealous of a Boy

The other day was one of those tough days. I know that in many ways it is wrong for me to say this, but I was kinda jealous of a friend's grandma dying. I'm somewhat ashamed and terrified to admit that. While I've read in many books that this is normal, I feel so wrong for it. My love for my grandmother hasn't changed. And somewhere in my heart I know that her love hasn't changed although she can't express it most of the time. I'm just seeing that it truly is a long goodbye especially when doctors have given us predictors at least three times about how long she will last. Two of those have been certainly wrong! I know that my freind isn't happy that is gma died. However, there is certainly a peace and relief for the family because of it. I pray that when my gma dies I will know the balance so that my mother understands the sorrow mixed with joy.
Above all else though I know that the only reason I could look forward to the death of someone is because they have a better place to go. I know this isn't true for everyone, but my gma had a wonderful relationship with Jesus and she will be seated with God when she gets to Heaven.
Thought I Ponder: What is the way I'll make the day memorable for me despite it not being memorable for her?

Why Cottey?

Lately, I've been questioned some and questioning some myself about why I went to Cottey and why it is special to me. Especially since I've battled some of the annoying stereotypes about Cottey as I was a student and as an alumnae. I didn't apply for Cottey because I hated boys, was interested in women, or came from a snobby family. Cottey didn't make me hate boys, become a lesbian, or make me think I'm better than others.
I applied to Cottey because it was selective. I needed a challenge, and I knew it wouldn't be automatic acceptance like most state and baptist schools. In fact, I was kinda cocky about being the only one of three to be accepted from my high school. Two other students applied but not accepted. From the brochures, I was drawn to the very small class size, the idea of preparing here for another school, "free" private music lesson, and somewhat the distance. I took my application at the same time that I saw it for the first time. Upon walking around the campus and sleeping in the suites, I knew this is where I wanted to be, where I needed to be. All the other colleges I looked at during my senior year, I only looked at as transfer colleges. The morning that I received a call to tell me I'd been accepted to Cottey, I was almost late for high school because I was so excited. Some how I knew it is where I belonged.
Cottey stays in my heart for so many reasons. This is the place that I had the fewest Christian friends, yet I grew the most in my faith during those two years. To have a senior who loved me as me despite that I was a baptist was a wonderful lesson, for she was an atheist and lesbian. I learned how to have conversations with people that I seemingly had nothing in common with. I learned that respect is given till it is really needed to be taken away. Having an honor code was something that wasn't just a document but a way of life. Interestingly, it was also challenged because of the honor to be shone to friends in traditions. I grew strength in being able to say no to being involved in something. Watching for the outsides taught me much about how to relate to others. I learned how to really have fun during stressful times. Holidays weren't just about going to be with family for their was family right there. After a night in Wichita, I learned better how I should protect my friends. Secrets became more real and knowing which to really keep secret. I accepted my call to full-time ministry while at Cottey. While many times I wish I had stayed in Rosemary Suite, for my gpa would most likely have been much better. I'm grateful for all that I learned and experienced.
I'm thankful that I have a network of alums and PEOs who smile and support me because I am a duck. I made a phone call the other day and I was a nervous wreck till I learned the person on the other end was a PEO. Cottey is special for one of the things I came away with is that I can be honest and be loved even if we disagree. (no things weren't all perfect at Cottey...in fact there was much struggle and battles for my class...but overall there was unity)
thing to ponder: What one nonacademic thing makes Cottey or your college so special? for me it was the getting together to listen to or do a serenade..didn't matter about fights or anything...the singing made us together for a few moments...we were part of the sisterhood

conviction?

"We cannot make good news out of bad practice." - Edward R. Murrow

Yep that is the quote of the day that I read. Isn't that interesting. How true that sharing the good news is much more difficult when not in right relationship or experience.
Clearly the thing to ponder is to know the bad practice that is in my/your life.

Love Won Out #2

After learning some of the poeple who were planning to go, it made me wonder even more if people who want to misinter to the gay/lesbian population get it. While I know that the organization that leads the conference does have understanding and heart, I don't know that pepole who think they are going for the ministry really have that love. It is my hope that those who go will really listen and God will be able to help them show love in thier actions, thoughts, and vocabulary. I know that so many (not just homosexuals) reject God and/or the church because of a lack of loved or even hatred from the church. It is important that we don't value sins differently so that people can love.
I'm loved by some even though I clearly of sins of not treating my body well, unpure thoughts, and at times disrespect. If I can be loved with these things, then I should be loved with any sin. Although who know, I could receive some gossip about me for those areas. During Mardi Gras, I believe I really see this. Since I haven't done Mardi Gras on the island, it is hard to really say I'm being fair. But I don't think it is so evil or wrong for a Christian to take part in the good fun of events. I really loved Mardi Gras in New Orleans. God gives wisdom and strength to avoid parts of it. I've experienced judgements from people because I say that I enjoy Mardi Gras. Where is the love?
Ponder It: What does it take for us to really love the sinner yet help them and ourselves overcome the sins? Very few people make it into being heart friends. A large part of that is trust. But the next level is clearly acceptance. We have got to learn to accept and love people for who God made them as and continue to love them through the process. God may have made them a continual gossiper. We have to love them inspite of disease of gossip and be willing to help them conquer it. This may be more difficult for females, but I think that loving the self as a sinner is toughest. I do know that I have to love me to allow God's grace to work in me. I have to have the view of myself that I'm worthy of love inspite that I am a sinner.

Quote from ER (you can say what you think): "I don't want love without acceptance."
yep...Christians we've screwed up. God's love, that we should share, is only with acceptance. God only allowed His son to die so that he could accept us in to Heaven. We only have to let our judgements die so that we can accept people with love.

Happy Birthday

I really think it is tragic that some parents do not celebrate birthdays with their children. I don't believe it is really a money thing for most of them. In New Orleans, I first experienced this as we were invited to a birthday party in the park. It was a very simple party with a 1/2 price sheet cake and the needed tableware. We provided the punch and cups. It was when we got over there that we discovered there were no candles. I was shocked! Now when we have double digits it is ok not to have candles, but seven year olds shouldn't have to miss out on making a wish. The mission now has birthday candles to use because we said it was something we wanted to leave to share with the people. I have two friends that have had birthdays this week and they haven't really celebrated in their life times. They have parents that could afford it even if simple.
Sooo...a huge shout out of love to the foxy frosh! And huggles to the oh so cool Christian bass player! How I would have loved to get to each of you to give you a party you deserve (even if you don't think you'd like it!). You are both loved sooo much by me!

Love Won Out #1

This is a conference that is happening this weekend in the houston area. It is bothersome in how it is effecting people in the area. My actual thought is that the billboards that some one put up are actually a large part of the problem. I wonder if the person that paid for them actually had attended the conference, for they don't really come across as loving. I also don't get why a conference that people don't know if they want to attend would cost them $50 for one day. So many questions and frustrations with this day that is to be about love.
On first thought though this should be a conference for all not just one segment of society. Love should win out in all our relationships not just certain ones. I understand the point of the title, but I think we miss it because loving winning out is the troublesome area for many relationships.
The thought to really consider is how to let people know what real love is in the face of what doesn't look like love.
*more later

Singles Awareness Day

I hope that everyone had a nice Feb.14th. On Saturday, I got to listen to Focus on the Family's account for kids on the history of this day. Valentine died so that marriages could continue. Insn't it interesting how we know this yet it is still at time difficult for so many to see the importance of marriage. However, I totally don't like the way that we as a society have ruined the holiday be making it about purchases and more so for the woman.
Phillip says I should call it appreciation day instead. But I actually think that this should be a day to the side of Valentines. Perhaps we should give marriage the honor it needs and then give singleness the respect it deserves.
Just a ponderment for myself on this because of the constant need of people to change the status of the singles. Guess they think I'm a second class citizen. oh well...it is ok for them to be wrong.

From the choir loft

Yesterday, Jay stopped me as I was coming in the side of the sanctuary to beg me to come and sing with the choir. He looked as though he had been crying (probably just rubbing his eyes), but my heart went out and I said yes.
While I know I am apart of a dying church, seeing the emptiness upon walking in and looking out at where I prefer to sit was shocking. There are way too many empty seats in our sanctuary. Empty seats means empty souls! I was really just taken aback for a moment because it was so hard for me to fathom how baren the sanctuary was. My third favorite class in seminary was Church Growth. Had I had this view before I took that class I'm sure I would have learned more in that class. The feeling of the blank seats would have motivated me greater in that class. Most of what I do recall I hope to start being able to do more without thinking about the ones who aren't doing and allowing that to slow me down. I seriously miss doing F.A.I.T.H. this semester, but I'd believed being told we were going to do water downed G.R.O.W. in this semester. Clearly, we don't care about the lives of those who are coming for we still do NOTHING but send a form letter to them. That form letter can burn in Hell. Don't give me another program, give me ways to actually contact a person/family!
That is the other thing about being far into the choir loft. I am a greeter type person. I love meeting strangers and trying to connect with them quickly. Usually before service, I'll be up and around and I'll meet a few of the people who have come that sunday. It doesn't matter if they are just there before or after their cruise. The still deserve to be appreciated and given a Godly hand shake of love.
The nonreligious part of singing up there is the lack of freedom. I'm not talking because people can see what one does for that doesn't bug me. But I could hear myself as we were singing and that freaked me out. I got sooo freakin' quiet then. I do enjoy singing joyfully. And that is what I do..I make a joyful noise...sometimes on key, sometime off key. Knowing that I could hear myself be off was scary so I totally begane mouthing or singing very softly the words then. So maybe if I go up there again I can do the tambourine instead!
Thought to consider: What can I conceiveable do so that we have some church growth? Who can I tell about Jesus so that we have that church growth? Numbers isn't what church growth is about...it is about the heart of the people. To see the evidence the heart of our church represented in these numbers saddens me. even more so it saddens God.

Superbowl is Coming

one thing that frustrates me in my life is that I'm not doing much local ministry thing. this is of course do to so many reasons. but this weekend that isn't true. Southern Baptists do something very cool for the Superbowl. They open up the doors and provide warm bowls of Soup or Chili for the homeless. They retitle it Souperbowl. they use it as a time to witness but it isn't one of those annoying times when you have to listen to a boring sermon before you get what you need physically. When I was in New Orleans, I enjoyed everytime that I went to the Brantley Center. There I had conversations with some of the homeless, and it was nice to work along side some of them. I'm not as comfortable in Galveston in sitting down for a conversation, but that may also be that I lack the desire to have small talk about football. Which is why I got a kick out of an advice piece on MSN. http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/3347706?GT1=6083 Thankfully I have found a way I can still use what I can do to help this ministry during the Souperbowl. Thanks to the ice cream machine, that my sister gave me a few years ago, I am able to offer them all a small dish of homemade icecream. Now, I had no idea this is actually that special of a thing. But when I was told that ice cream is a rare thing they get from the shelters in the area, I understood this is what I'd do when I was here. I don't need to bring yet another pan of cornbread. This year we are going to make a little more so that I don't have to be skimpy on the servings. This will be good also because it will allow some fellowship time with those that make it with me.
Thought to Consider: Do I daily look for the way I am to add to blessing others using the talents, abilities, and gifts God has given me? Am I willing to find other ways of fellowship to allow easier sharing of the heart? Yes and Yes...just learning how.

Trust

I awoke today at 5:40am with the main thought of fear. I revealed something that I’ve been contemplating for awhile now to someone. That huge risk of sharing that with her has me terrified. Not because I believe she will hurt me with knowing it by telling others (which she could cause there are always hidden ways to tell others), but because now someone else knows a part of my heart/head. On the surface this may not see bad, but when it touches sin it is terrifying. Thoughts are such an amazing thing that effect my days. When I’m more deep in thought, I know that doing the other tasks of the day become more of a challenge. Perhaps that is why we are to have a church family who loves us no matter what to let us be comfortable saying that we are going through something. We certainly struggle with this in my church. Not only for someone like me who is nervous about trusting people in general, but even to make sure some people feel the love and acceptance although they don’t seem like so many of the others that are there.
To Consider: What makes me allow someone to be trusted? I think it is through paying attention to the values of the person. Hearing what they say when they speak weather it be a time of heart or a time of jokes. If I feel that judgement could be possible, then I'm not gonna reveal about myself. Then it helps to know I've loved which I don't know forsure I one knows this. I wish I was able to allow more into my thoughts/feelings, but this may be one of those things that God is working on with me.

See I Am 29!

You Are 29 Years Old

29 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Oddily I thought the ice cream answers would make me younger!

Great American Day

I don't care if you are red, blue, or purple. Today, we experience one of the greater parts of being an american. While this time there isn't a change of power, I still think it is amazing to watch the process or respect for the office. I can truly say that I do respect the office for my first remembered enjoyment of watching inauguration day was when Clinton was sworn into office the first time. This was a swearing with a change of power and for someone I didn't vote for. I look forward to having CSpan going through the events today as I thank God for giving me th privilege to be an American.
How does this relate to my purpose? Because I'm a purple person. I'm love my red state, but my mind is purple. I love people who are from blue states and from red states. I see agreement possible. I believe God wants us to find the good in this.

i'm back..and I know why I stopped

I'm back. I just tried to do this post and what I had composed. GRRRRRR! I think I did that because of making an error in the picture. ANYWAYS.....
I'm back because I get that I stopped because I didn't experiece the love coming through as we were doing the 40 Days. Even though I was beginning to get something out of it...I never made the hump because the fear stopped me. If one doesn't feel safe/love, then one has a harder time of growing. I get that and I know that I need to change more.
You see I have been talking to and reading the blogs of a Cottey first year. At first glance we are polar opposites. But getting to the core of some of the emotional/mental things, we are more similar that she knows and I wanna admit. Women (perhaps men do also) do various things to attract love. We do it with each other and with men. We offer sex, we eat ice cream, we throw parties, we have children, we get degrees, we shop. We are different in how we work to get love to battle our esteem, but we all have our ways. Sadly, we don't help each other instead we talk about each other (perhaps a negative way of gaining love?). Sex, Ice Cream, Parties, Children, Degrees, Shopping are not bad. We just don't use them correctly. 40 Days is about getting God into the forefront to effect all those areas. The trick though is that we need to accept that God loves everyone and their purpose may not be the same as ours...and that is ok. We still get to love that person. Feminist Worker = Stay At Home Mom Neither is a negative position and the church shouldn't make it as such.
Thought for self: Can I love someone that I don't receive unconditional love from? Nope, cause then I've made it conditional. I'm gonna have to work on this for I feel sooo out of place with some of these people. Even though they constantly are trying to make me like them when I've never had the desire they do.

i'm back..and I know why I stopped

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP TXDUCKANGEL AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

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