i'm back..and I know why I stopped

I'm back. I just tried to do this post and what I had composed. GRRRRRR! I think I did that because of making an error in the picture. ANYWAYS.....
I'm back because I get that I stopped because I didn't experiece the love coming through as we were doing the 40 Days. Even though I was beginning to get something out of it...I never made the hump because the fear stopped me. If one doesn't feel safe/love, then one has a harder time of growing. I get that and I know that I need to change more.
You see I have been talking to and reading the blogs of a Cottey first year. At first glance we are polar opposites. But getting to the core of some of the emotional/mental things, we are more similar that she knows and I wanna admit. Women (perhaps men do also) do various things to attract love. We do it with each other and with men. We offer sex, we eat ice cream, we throw parties, we have children, we get degrees, we shop. We are different in how we work to get love to battle our esteem, but we all have our ways. Sadly, we don't help each other instead we talk about each other (perhaps a negative way of gaining love?). Sex, Ice Cream, Parties, Children, Degrees, Shopping are not bad. We just don't use them correctly. 40 Days is about getting God into the forefront to effect all those areas. The trick though is that we need to accept that God loves everyone and their purpose may not be the same as ours...and that is ok. We still get to love that person. Feminist Worker = Stay At Home Mom Neither is a negative position and the church shouldn't make it as such.
Thought for self: Can I love someone that I don't receive unconditional love from? Nope, cause then I've made it conditional. I'm gonna have to work on this for I feel sooo out of place with some of these people. Even though they constantly are trying to make me like them when I've never had the desire they do.