From the choir loft

Yesterday, Jay stopped me as I was coming in the side of the sanctuary to beg me to come and sing with the choir. He looked as though he had been crying (probably just rubbing his eyes), but my heart went out and I said yes.
While I know I am apart of a dying church, seeing the emptiness upon walking in and looking out at where I prefer to sit was shocking. There are way too many empty seats in our sanctuary. Empty seats means empty souls! I was really just taken aback for a moment because it was so hard for me to fathom how baren the sanctuary was. My third favorite class in seminary was Church Growth. Had I had this view before I took that class I'm sure I would have learned more in that class. The feeling of the blank seats would have motivated me greater in that class. Most of what I do recall I hope to start being able to do more without thinking about the ones who aren't doing and allowing that to slow me down. I seriously miss doing F.A.I.T.H. this semester, but I'd believed being told we were going to do water downed G.R.O.W. in this semester. Clearly, we don't care about the lives of those who are coming for we still do NOTHING but send a form letter to them. That form letter can burn in Hell. Don't give me another program, give me ways to actually contact a person/family!
That is the other thing about being far into the choir loft. I am a greeter type person. I love meeting strangers and trying to connect with them quickly. Usually before service, I'll be up and around and I'll meet a few of the people who have come that sunday. It doesn't matter if they are just there before or after their cruise. The still deserve to be appreciated and given a Godly hand shake of love.
The nonreligious part of singing up there is the lack of freedom. I'm not talking because people can see what one does for that doesn't bug me. But I could hear myself as we were singing and that freaked me out. I got sooo freakin' quiet then. I do enjoy singing joyfully. And that is what I do..I make a joyful noise...sometimes on key, sometime off key. Knowing that I could hear myself be off was scary so I totally begane mouthing or singing very softly the words then. So maybe if I go up there again I can do the tambourine instead!
Thought to consider: What can I conceiveable do so that we have some church growth? Who can I tell about Jesus so that we have that church growth? Numbers isn't what church growth is about...it is about the heart of the people. To see the evidence the heart of our church represented in these numbers saddens me. even more so it saddens God.