Jealous of a Boy

The other day was one of those tough days. I know that in many ways it is wrong for me to say this, but I was kinda jealous of a friend's grandma dying. I'm somewhat ashamed and terrified to admit that. While I've read in many books that this is normal, I feel so wrong for it. My love for my grandmother hasn't changed. And somewhere in my heart I know that her love hasn't changed although she can't express it most of the time. I'm just seeing that it truly is a long goodbye especially when doctors have given us predictors at least three times about how long she will last. Two of those have been certainly wrong! I know that my freind isn't happy that is gma died. However, there is certainly a peace and relief for the family because of it. I pray that when my gma dies I will know the balance so that my mother understands the sorrow mixed with joy.
Above all else though I know that the only reason I could look forward to the death of someone is because they have a better place to go. I know this isn't true for everyone, but my gma had a wonderful relationship with Jesus and she will be seated with God when she gets to Heaven.
Thought I Ponder: What is the way I'll make the day memorable for me despite it not being memorable for her?