"you can be yourself and not worry about being bad when typing with me, we both know each other enough to ask questions and not be timid"
As the school year is getting to start at so many places, I always get excited. I have so many fond memories of elementary, junior high (yeah, weird), high school, and college. It was in 3rd grade that I can recall learning it was ok to be myself. It was that year that I learned so that questions and curiosity are not negative things even if they require more time of others. I also learned that even though we are often of different backgrounds, we have much to offer to the group as a whole. To this day, I know people who have not learned these wonderful things. But sadly I do need the reminders.
In 5th grade, I was pulled over to the nurse when I got to go through puberty. I felt like I was in trouble because I has so many zits that I was confronted about it. This experience took away my personality in class for almost two weeks. Then Miss Helms made me stay afterschool to talk to me. She told me to go back to being myself. She wanted to know why I wasn't. She hugged me and told me I wasn't bad. As a preteen, this made much more of an impact than my mom and dad telling me I could still be me.
In 7th grade, we were split even more into differences. Band combined us. We were always encouraged to ask questions. In 8th grade, we were almost referred to as family. I recall Mr.Tignor saying before Regionals that it would worse if we didn't ask a question about the piece than to sit and mess up everyone. Again, we know each other well enough to say whatever.
At NMHS, I had a marvelous teacher who got pen pals for us. We were pen pals with some 3rd grade kids in the area and some delinquent kids in a Northern state. Mrs.Muhl emphasized about asking about them and writing back with interest. We never knew them really well, but she wanted us to learn the value in others.
In Bentonville, we started this clique when we were juniors. We were the COBRAS and I have hardly any memory of what it meant still. It wasn't really meant to be a clique that was exclusive, but we quickly learned that it did make some feel like outsiders. If people don't feel close enough to ask questions then that is bad and not showing Christ. Being a COBRAS was comforting because it was ok to be bad and be loved. The challenge was learning how to not have that closeness be exclusive.
Then, I went to Cottey. I think those that get what Cottey is really about can say this statement to anyone. You learn in class to ask questions. You learn to ask for help from classmates, hall mates, and suitemates. You learn that being bad can be bonding. You learn that being good can last forever. You learn to not be timid because it doesn't matter what you wear, what you look like, how intelligent you are, or how social you are. Lines get to be crossed because of learning people will learn to love the bold you.
Since that time I tend to be very comfortable being me around women. I trust it. I believe it. However now, I struggle with it. A lot of it has to do with my sister at this moment. Questions can't be asked. I don't feel like I know her well enough or that she knows me well enough to know the love is still there even with the questions. Getting past this is and will be tough. Now, I also know that it has some effect on my other relationships...I have started to pray that it stops soon.
Today the quote was from a boy. A boy would said it to me on a day that I got some stressful news and then felt attacked from a friend. All that is confirmed now is God has some really confusing timing for when to remind me to be me.
