Ok Naggers

I went to my physical for the doctor today for having insurance. Now, lets try to forget that I am 33 freakin years old! Cause that reality makes it even harder to comprehend.
When I got to the desk to start paper work, I started shaking a little bit. Then I sat down to do the paper work and my heart starts pounding. I took a few deep breaths and stopped shaking, but my heart stayed at a fast pace. I could look at the book I took, do thank-you cards, or color. I simply texted then...probably should have prayed but I didn't have that faith at the moment and probably blame God some for my fear of the situation.
Now I picked this doctor because she was a great doctor with Gma. She paid attention to gma's actual needs and didn't over due anything. She listened to our concerns. She cared about not stressing Gma out. I thought it would be a good idea to pick her since I at least knew she had a positive bedside manner. This is important since most things medical involving me are negative. This is also important because of the experiences I've had with medical people and Gma's care during the last 8 years. Dr.Eisen is a very positive part of the medical experiences for gma.
Once I was called back into the hallway for the wonderful weight and height. I was trying to not noticeable take deep breaths. I attempted to make jokes for the height and weight...but nope that didn't work for me to refocus. Crapola because it normally does. Then I enter into the room. THIS IS JUST A PHYSICAL! My hands got clamy and as I sat on the table, i thought I could hear my heart. Then she took my blood pressure. While she did that she asked me if I was nervous, I said very much so. I mean really it has been 10yrs since i've had a physical; I'm in sucky health; and doctors have a history of not really caring about patients. She said my pulse was very fast as well. (duh!) Then she asks me if I've had a papsmear. With a shocking tone to her voice she reasks because I say "no." So I have to resay "never, yes I know I'm old." Then she asked a couple more questions and left the room. Now, I'm freaked out. So I'm texting with MandI, who is all excited that I'm in this horrid experience. I know that wasn't the intention, but that is how I felt at first with the texts. I ate three Ice Breaker mints because I needed something to try to calm me down...ugh I suck! Thankfully they had Kleenex in the room because I was crying as well. Final text with MandI has an "I'm proud of you" as Dr. Eisen entered into the room.
Dr.Eisen tells me to sit next to her in the regular chair...she just wants to talk. Now, I'm not dumb, so I know she is doing this to try to relax me. I don't care anything that will work was fine with me at that point. We go through her questions finding out where she needs to head with my care. She doesn't sound all preachy! When we got to the sex questions/women's issue's, she said that it is ok that I'm not old for not having a papsmear. Now when we actually talked about some of the concerns with me, then yes she said I had to have one. This woman doesn't remember Gma or even meeting me before, and I'm totally ok with that. Some how she is actually caring when she is a doctor with you and that is what matters. She had me get back on the table. Sadly, I started shaking again. (my heart never stopped pounding hard!) I was able to take the deep breaths, but she said those even sounded like I was nervous. She retook my blood pressure, and she wouldn't tell me that number because it was higher than the first time. She isn't going to rely on either of those readings so hopefully I can take it and show a lower one consistently.
She did say I needed to at least for now switch off the soda some. She said tea and kool-aid would be better...much more practical than saying water. She said other practical boring things and had me schedule bloodwork. Lets hope that is a better experience next week since I have to be stuck for it and I don't get to eat beforehand! That includes no mints to calm me down while waiting!
So...yeah I have health insurance?*
I would like to think that God would have done something within me to not make me have this type of experience. I mean seriously...all of the medical people I know and love, and I really had no control over the fear today. Bestest friends, ex-roommates, close friends, family members, and godly women in the health care fields, and I dread all of it. Craziness

*Lori, I know it is important and I thank-you for helping us all find it. If only it wasn't such a tough thing to deal with.

Tough Connection

This is my phone.

Sadly, It doesn't seem to love Carmen as much and I do. Bad, Bad, Bad Phone. It makes me sad that it doesn't like to connect with her easily.

For The Naggers

Next Wednesday, I will be going to have a physical with the doctor. Yeah, for health insurance, I suppose. (Thank Lori's pushing.) Lets hope I feel better about medical people by then cause other than those I love outside of the medical world, I'm not too thrilled! Now, I'll get to hear I'm fat and got women's health problems...oh yeah!

Miracles Happen

This is a highly prayed for desire.
This is a miracle and blessing.
This is a wonderful life change.
This is a peace maker.
This is a family gatherer.
This is a gift from God.
This is Elizabeth Fogarty Carnes!

PEO Meet

Yesterday, when I was in the process of getting to leave work, Lori's mom comes in the office and asks who has the Cottey College bumper sticker on their car. IMMEDIATELY, I was so excited and knew she had to be a PEO. I jumpingly answered "that is me, you've gotta be a PEO!" Oh my Gosh! This is the most smilest news all week long! I sang C-C-Cottey for her, hugged her a few times, kept saying how I couldn't believe I didn't already know this about her, and how much more amazingly Lori now is with this little bit of knowledge. Meeting a PEO is always postive for me because I owe them all so much gratitude. I'm sure all my fellow ducks would agree. While helping her mom carry some stuff upstairs, we talked a little more. I have to find out how she became a PEO and more about her drive through Nevada, MO. Since she will be here for a bit, I will have time to share pics and PEO safe memories!
What a treasure during these past two weeks of UGH!

DUCKS LOVE THE PEOS!

Name Update

6/6/08 The guy who does the invoices gets to see very interesting versions of my name. What is really sad is that it is my writing that they can't read! opps! I will have to add more as they come in, but I will try to print more clearly so there will not be as many! He says there are more versions on earlier invoices...shucks that would take time to find.
J.Cervila
Joanna C.
7/10/2008 Well we are actually having some fun with it now. If I put my name, I just write it and don't really think about it. That will be below. I will also put some of the efforts of having fun names.
James Carilla-ille (look hyphenated and I'm not married)
Harry Buettis (it was supposed to be Harry Butts)
Mrs.Sims (funny thing is it actually says illegible)
James C.
Jeane

Got Talent?

I enjoy America's Got Talent when I can see it. I pretty much only see it by YouTube now. This reason we have what may be a copy cat from the british version. Both could make you cry. Should be interesting how it plays out when they are in vegas.
The American:


The Brit,who won:

Happy Birthdays

So things are somewhat smiley today. Gma has an IV to help hydrate her and three cousins agreed! It is truly a good thing that we all came to the same conclusion on our own and were willing to fight for it. Nursing home shouldn't try to pawn off their patients...pffffftttt!
Today is a day for celebration and fun. It is Uncle Stanley's 80th birthday! It is Grandma's 91st birthday! It is American's Birthday! It is Amanda S's birthday. Did you know that Obama's daughter also has a b-day today?...that is pretty darn American if you ask me...not that it would change my vote! I'm making cake ice cream with blue in it and strawberry ice cream for Gma's celebration. Kinda a lousy birthday for her being in bed and all. She is on thickened liquids so ice cream will be the enjoyment..no cake.
Here is a picture from the little bit of no rain time this morning for the Texas City parade.

Here is my number...USE IT

Tuesday night I went to the nursing home to discover that Grandma had had most likely a mini-stroke that early morning. NO ONE HAD CALLED ANYONE ALL DAY! I am still pissed about that. It took about 40mins before anyone finally talked to me to inform me a little bit. During that time she was unresponsive overall, had her jaw open, and was very hot. Other that wanting to know why no one had called me, I kept thinking how many people die near their birthday. That is one of the things I've learned in my job. I just kept bawling every time that thought came to my head. I couldn't get Pam on the phone, no words from the staff yet, and grandma of course couldn't explain what was going on with her. When the nurse was finally updating me some it didn't seem like she really knew much to say. I tried to help get her comfortable for sleeping and then left. Called mother to let her know what I knew but she didn't really convey the concern I expected her to show. Pam finally called me back and said she'd talk to administration today. The nurse called me after speaking with the doctor (shocking) but mainly to say the doctor we be there in the morning.
So this morning I went to the NH and am told so many different things. The saddest thing is that the Dr. will not be in. What the freak? I'm there for four hours trying to make sense of things. I kept grandma fairly engaged most of that time. She needed fluids so I made sure to get them down her so they could do another test. I asked to be called if it was hard and I'd come back. I said call me when the blood results come in. No such luck. Tonight when I went up there she hadn't been given the extra drinks that were in her room. She thankfully had been changed at least. She was warm again, but the temp didn't register. I may have to take it tomorrow night to ease my mind cause I don't trust most of that staff. UGH! I found out that they had gotten the blood work results back. Grandma was about the same as last night, but she was alittle bit more responsive. Still answers were contradictory or non-existent. How hard is it to give the family the truth?
Hopefull, I'll get rest tonight and tomorrow there will be improvement. Perhaps, Paul and Terry will get their butts there and see that we need to move her. Mostly, I would just like it if her birthday she could at least be able to sing again.