Coming Out

In an odd sort of way, I feel a little bit like someone who is coming out with telling people about what I’m getting to do now. While I’ve been prepared for this all my life and even told people about that preparation, I am truly being in the position that I fought so hard 15 years ago. Never would I have envisioned the path that my life had taken, but I look back now and see so many of the necessary steps. Sadly, I still don’t know the reasons for some turns, but peace is so real for where I am now.
I am the Children’s Minister at First Baptist Church Galveston. Yes, there is not fear in saying it anymore. I smile when I think about the opportunities and challenges that God will enable me to face. I do still fear so many people/friends not understanding or wanting to understand who I am because of this title now. My friend, Christina, has lived out so many of my thoughts and emotions in her blog the past few years. I do think God allowing me to match up with her again has been positive for my faith and ability in leadership. From her, I know that the love is going to have to come through stronger so people will see the Jesus in me and not all the religious crud that can sometimes seep through.
The acceptance of this ministry was not an easy one. I was asked if I would do it before Hurricane Ike. At that point, I just didn’t know that I had the faith for the confidence or the time. Then Ike’s destruction and Grandma’s death occurred. Somehow I went into an almost autopilot mode. Certainly, I expressed emotion during the next six weeks, but I don’t know what of it was real and what was exhaustion. Reaching out for friendship wasn’t really working for me. Hours upon hours were spent in bed wishing for rest or on the internet grasping for connection. When I realized that I was not functioning well, I requested time off. Based on experience of the last months, I knew that I needed to deal with some areas. I also knew that I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it on my own, so I wrote people from my past who I hoped would pray. I was so disappointed in others that I took every measure I could to protect myself with asking these women who I knew loved me to pray for certain aspects of my life on which needed focus. I went on a personal retreat. One of the biggest things I received from that retreat was God hugs through prayer, songs, scripture, and nature sightings. I hadn’t forgotten that God loves Janna, but I’d lost how He shares that love when his people fail. After the retreat, I can hear people talk about the way people love each other on the island. I can see at work people talking about helping each other. I still in WBS at UBC and my mind can’t focus because I’m thinking about the families on the island. I volunteer in with the baby class and smiled while doing it. It was then that I knew God wanted me to say yes to Pastor Ray to being the Children’s Minister at FBCG. Feeling love, knowing I still have children skills, and recognizing God hadn’t forgotten my acceptance of his call were all things I needed. Another blogger and minister has expressed this very well the past few years that I have been reading his blog, which I found by accident almost. The heart of his blog is about being real in life and ministry that it isn’t about religious mess.
Now, I am embarking upon this God given adventure. I was so excited to be apart of the staff meeting on Friday. Knowing the mission before us and being apart of what is once again a missional church is overly exciting for me. I adore First Baptist Galveston! Being apart of a church staff that wants to see the island know Jesus thrills me. This church is about figuring out how to help many while rebuilding ourselves! We may not be in our sanctuary which has no power. We may not have as many people or the curriculum for everyone yet, but these people are ready to worship and serve! We do have a store in the sanctuary and doctors helping with prescriptions. This is a church that is working to meet the real needs of the island. There may not be parks to play in and meet people, so we will find a new way. Many of our members may not be living in their homes right now, but they will find a way to still be apart of their church. God knows me so well to know that this is what He designed me to be able to do.
I pray that I don’t get timid in telling people who will not understand or will have judgments about this opportunity. As we have people come for the next 2 to 3 years to continue to clean up the island, I pray they see our loving and reaching church. When people talk to me about my church, I pray that I speak of the positives and not the things of struggle for many. As I build and rebuild relationships in Galveston, I pray that they will be true.