Friends and Fat

a vent:
I'm torn with frustration at this time. I have almost always been a fat chick. I was an overweight preteen, teen, college student, young woman, and now. It is amazing to me to hear some of the things some people will say to me. I truly have grown somewhat immune to comments from strangers. However, when little statements come from those I think love me, I just want to block out that person. Does she understand that it hurts me when she says something about my eating habits? Does she get that I know I'm fat and unhealthy? Does she comprehend how I love swimming but have to talk myself into having the emotional strength to go with her? I hate that I have gained about 30 pounds since moving down here. Most of that is from lack of activity and some emotional eating. When people talk about my grandma they talk about her cooking the most. When I get home, I feel I need chocolate of some sort to make my evening better. I am really not a cook, but I've received the most encouragement and appreciation from making ice cream. Do you know how screwed up that is? I used to really enjoy walking with Carmen because I didn't feel like I was exercising overall. Yes, a friend can care about my health and even the ickiness of my being fat, but it would be so much better for me if she talked directly about it in love and not about my food choices in a judgemental way.