Ok Naggers

I went to my physical for the doctor today for having insurance. Now, lets try to forget that I am 33 freakin years old! Cause that reality makes it even harder to comprehend.
When I got to the desk to start paper work, I started shaking a little bit. Then I sat down to do the paper work and my heart starts pounding. I took a few deep breaths and stopped shaking, but my heart stayed at a fast pace. I could look at the book I took, do thank-you cards, or color. I simply texted then...probably should have prayed but I didn't have that faith at the moment and probably blame God some for my fear of the situation.
Now I picked this doctor because she was a great doctor with Gma. She paid attention to gma's actual needs and didn't over due anything. She listened to our concerns. She cared about not stressing Gma out. I thought it would be a good idea to pick her since I at least knew she had a positive bedside manner. This is important since most things medical involving me are negative. This is also important because of the experiences I've had with medical people and Gma's care during the last 8 years. Dr.Eisen is a very positive part of the medical experiences for gma.
Once I was called back into the hallway for the wonderful weight and height. I was trying to not noticeable take deep breaths. I attempted to make jokes for the height and weight...but nope that didn't work for me to refocus. Crapola because it normally does. Then I enter into the room. THIS IS JUST A PHYSICAL! My hands got clamy and as I sat on the table, i thought I could hear my heart. Then she took my blood pressure. While she did that she asked me if I was nervous, I said very much so. I mean really it has been 10yrs since i've had a physical; I'm in sucky health; and doctors have a history of not really caring about patients. She said my pulse was very fast as well. (duh!) Then she asks me if I've had a papsmear. With a shocking tone to her voice she reasks because I say "no." So I have to resay "never, yes I know I'm old." Then she asked a couple more questions and left the room. Now, I'm freaked out. So I'm texting with MandI, who is all excited that I'm in this horrid experience. I know that wasn't the intention, but that is how I felt at first with the texts. I ate three Ice Breaker mints because I needed something to try to calm me down...ugh I suck! Thankfully they had Kleenex in the room because I was crying as well. Final text with MandI has an "I'm proud of you" as Dr. Eisen entered into the room.
Dr.Eisen tells me to sit next to her in the regular chair...she just wants to talk. Now, I'm not dumb, so I know she is doing this to try to relax me. I don't care anything that will work was fine with me at that point. We go through her questions finding out where she needs to head with my care. She doesn't sound all preachy! When we got to the sex questions/women's issue's, she said that it is ok that I'm not old for not having a papsmear. Now when we actually talked about some of the concerns with me, then yes she said I had to have one. This woman doesn't remember Gma or even meeting me before, and I'm totally ok with that. Some how she is actually caring when she is a doctor with you and that is what matters. She had me get back on the table. Sadly, I started shaking again. (my heart never stopped pounding hard!) I was able to take the deep breaths, but she said those even sounded like I was nervous. She retook my blood pressure, and she wouldn't tell me that number because it was higher than the first time. She isn't going to rely on either of those readings so hopefully I can take it and show a lower one consistently.
She did say I needed to at least for now switch off the soda some. She said tea and kool-aid would be better...much more practical than saying water. She said other practical boring things and had me schedule bloodwork. Lets hope that is a better experience next week since I have to be stuck for it and I don't get to eat beforehand! That includes no mints to calm me down while waiting!
So...yeah I have health insurance?*
I would like to think that God would have done something within me to not make me have this type of experience. I mean seriously...all of the medical people I know and love, and I really had no control over the fear today. Bestest friends, ex-roommates, close friends, family members, and godly women in the health care fields, and I dread all of it. Craziness

*Lori, I know it is important and I thank-you for helping us all find it. If only it wasn't such a tough thing to deal with.