Why Cottey?

Lately, I've been questioned some and questioning some myself about why I went to Cottey and why it is special to me. Especially since I've battled some of the annoying stereotypes about Cottey as I was a student and as an alumnae. I didn't apply for Cottey because I hated boys, was interested in women, or came from a snobby family. Cottey didn't make me hate boys, become a lesbian, or make me think I'm better than others.
I applied to Cottey because it was selective. I needed a challenge, and I knew it wouldn't be automatic acceptance like most state and baptist schools. In fact, I was kinda cocky about being the only one of three to be accepted from my high school. Two other students applied but not accepted. From the brochures, I was drawn to the very small class size, the idea of preparing here for another school, "free" private music lesson, and somewhat the distance. I took my application at the same time that I saw it for the first time. Upon walking around the campus and sleeping in the suites, I knew this is where I wanted to be, where I needed to be. All the other colleges I looked at during my senior year, I only looked at as transfer colleges. The morning that I received a call to tell me I'd been accepted to Cottey, I was almost late for high school because I was so excited. Some how I knew it is where I belonged.
Cottey stays in my heart for so many reasons. This is the place that I had the fewest Christian friends, yet I grew the most in my faith during those two years. To have a senior who loved me as me despite that I was a baptist was a wonderful lesson, for she was an atheist and lesbian. I learned how to have conversations with people that I seemingly had nothing in common with. I learned that respect is given till it is really needed to be taken away. Having an honor code was something that wasn't just a document but a way of life. Interestingly, it was also challenged because of the honor to be shone to friends in traditions. I grew strength in being able to say no to being involved in something. Watching for the outsides taught me much about how to relate to others. I learned how to really have fun during stressful times. Holidays weren't just about going to be with family for their was family right there. After a night in Wichita, I learned better how I should protect my friends. Secrets became more real and knowing which to really keep secret. I accepted my call to full-time ministry while at Cottey. While many times I wish I had stayed in Rosemary Suite, for my gpa would most likely have been much better. I'm grateful for all that I learned and experienced.
I'm thankful that I have a network of alums and PEOs who smile and support me because I am a duck. I made a phone call the other day and I was a nervous wreck till I learned the person on the other end was a PEO. Cottey is special for one of the things I came away with is that I can be honest and be loved even if we disagree. (no things weren't all perfect at Cottey...in fact there was much struggle and battles for my class...but overall there was unity)
thing to ponder: What one nonacademic thing makes Cottey or your college so special? for me it was the getting together to listen to or do a serenade..didn't matter about fights or anything...the singing made us together for a few moments...we were part of the sisterhood

conviction?

"We cannot make good news out of bad practice." - Edward R. Murrow

Yep that is the quote of the day that I read. Isn't that interesting. How true that sharing the good news is much more difficult when not in right relationship or experience.
Clearly the thing to ponder is to know the bad practice that is in my/your life.

Love Won Out #2

After learning some of the poeple who were planning to go, it made me wonder even more if people who want to misinter to the gay/lesbian population get it. While I know that the organization that leads the conference does have understanding and heart, I don't know that pepole who think they are going for the ministry really have that love. It is my hope that those who go will really listen and God will be able to help them show love in thier actions, thoughts, and vocabulary. I know that so many (not just homosexuals) reject God and/or the church because of a lack of loved or even hatred from the church. It is important that we don't value sins differently so that people can love.
I'm loved by some even though I clearly of sins of not treating my body well, unpure thoughts, and at times disrespect. If I can be loved with these things, then I should be loved with any sin. Although who know, I could receive some gossip about me for those areas. During Mardi Gras, I believe I really see this. Since I haven't done Mardi Gras on the island, it is hard to really say I'm being fair. But I don't think it is so evil or wrong for a Christian to take part in the good fun of events. I really loved Mardi Gras in New Orleans. God gives wisdom and strength to avoid parts of it. I've experienced judgements from people because I say that I enjoy Mardi Gras. Where is the love?
Ponder It: What does it take for us to really love the sinner yet help them and ourselves overcome the sins? Very few people make it into being heart friends. A large part of that is trust. But the next level is clearly acceptance. We have got to learn to accept and love people for who God made them as and continue to love them through the process. God may have made them a continual gossiper. We have to love them inspite of disease of gossip and be willing to help them conquer it. This may be more difficult for females, but I think that loving the self as a sinner is toughest. I do know that I have to love me to allow God's grace to work in me. I have to have the view of myself that I'm worthy of love inspite that I am a sinner.

Quote from ER (you can say what you think): "I don't want love without acceptance."
yep...Christians we've screwed up. God's love, that we should share, is only with acceptance. God only allowed His son to die so that he could accept us in to Heaven. We only have to let our judgements die so that we can accept people with love.

Happy Birthday

I really think it is tragic that some parents do not celebrate birthdays with their children. I don't believe it is really a money thing for most of them. In New Orleans, I first experienced this as we were invited to a birthday party in the park. It was a very simple party with a 1/2 price sheet cake and the needed tableware. We provided the punch and cups. It was when we got over there that we discovered there were no candles. I was shocked! Now when we have double digits it is ok not to have candles, but seven year olds shouldn't have to miss out on making a wish. The mission now has birthday candles to use because we said it was something we wanted to leave to share with the people. I have two friends that have had birthdays this week and they haven't really celebrated in their life times. They have parents that could afford it even if simple.
Sooo...a huge shout out of love to the foxy frosh! And huggles to the oh so cool Christian bass player! How I would have loved to get to each of you to give you a party you deserve (even if you don't think you'd like it!). You are both loved sooo much by me!

Love Won Out #1

This is a conference that is happening this weekend in the houston area. It is bothersome in how it is effecting people in the area. My actual thought is that the billboards that some one put up are actually a large part of the problem. I wonder if the person that paid for them actually had attended the conference, for they don't really come across as loving. I also don't get why a conference that people don't know if they want to attend would cost them $50 for one day. So many questions and frustrations with this day that is to be about love.
On first thought though this should be a conference for all not just one segment of society. Love should win out in all our relationships not just certain ones. I understand the point of the title, but I think we miss it because loving winning out is the troublesome area for many relationships.
The thought to really consider is how to let people know what real love is in the face of what doesn't look like love.
*more later

Singles Awareness Day

I hope that everyone had a nice Feb.14th. On Saturday, I got to listen to Focus on the Family's account for kids on the history of this day. Valentine died so that marriages could continue. Insn't it interesting how we know this yet it is still at time difficult for so many to see the importance of marriage. However, I totally don't like the way that we as a society have ruined the holiday be making it about purchases and more so for the woman.
Phillip says I should call it appreciation day instead. But I actually think that this should be a day to the side of Valentines. Perhaps we should give marriage the honor it needs and then give singleness the respect it deserves.
Just a ponderment for myself on this because of the constant need of people to change the status of the singles. Guess they think I'm a second class citizen. oh well...it is ok for them to be wrong.

From the choir loft

Yesterday, Jay stopped me as I was coming in the side of the sanctuary to beg me to come and sing with the choir. He looked as though he had been crying (probably just rubbing his eyes), but my heart went out and I said yes.
While I know I am apart of a dying church, seeing the emptiness upon walking in and looking out at where I prefer to sit was shocking. There are way too many empty seats in our sanctuary. Empty seats means empty souls! I was really just taken aback for a moment because it was so hard for me to fathom how baren the sanctuary was. My third favorite class in seminary was Church Growth. Had I had this view before I took that class I'm sure I would have learned more in that class. The feeling of the blank seats would have motivated me greater in that class. Most of what I do recall I hope to start being able to do more without thinking about the ones who aren't doing and allowing that to slow me down. I seriously miss doing F.A.I.T.H. this semester, but I'd believed being told we were going to do water downed G.R.O.W. in this semester. Clearly, we don't care about the lives of those who are coming for we still do NOTHING but send a form letter to them. That form letter can burn in Hell. Don't give me another program, give me ways to actually contact a person/family!
That is the other thing about being far into the choir loft. I am a greeter type person. I love meeting strangers and trying to connect with them quickly. Usually before service, I'll be up and around and I'll meet a few of the people who have come that sunday. It doesn't matter if they are just there before or after their cruise. The still deserve to be appreciated and given a Godly hand shake of love.
The nonreligious part of singing up there is the lack of freedom. I'm not talking because people can see what one does for that doesn't bug me. But I could hear myself as we were singing and that freaked me out. I got sooo freakin' quiet then. I do enjoy singing joyfully. And that is what I do..I make a joyful noise...sometimes on key, sometime off key. Knowing that I could hear myself be off was scary so I totally begane mouthing or singing very softly the words then. So maybe if I go up there again I can do the tambourine instead!
Thought to consider: What can I conceiveable do so that we have some church growth? Who can I tell about Jesus so that we have that church growth? Numbers isn't what church growth is about...it is about the heart of the people. To see the evidence the heart of our church represented in these numbers saddens me. even more so it saddens God.

Superbowl is Coming

one thing that frustrates me in my life is that I'm not doing much local ministry thing. this is of course do to so many reasons. but this weekend that isn't true. Southern Baptists do something very cool for the Superbowl. They open up the doors and provide warm bowls of Soup or Chili for the homeless. They retitle it Souperbowl. they use it as a time to witness but it isn't one of those annoying times when you have to listen to a boring sermon before you get what you need physically. When I was in New Orleans, I enjoyed everytime that I went to the Brantley Center. There I had conversations with some of the homeless, and it was nice to work along side some of them. I'm not as comfortable in Galveston in sitting down for a conversation, but that may also be that I lack the desire to have small talk about football. Which is why I got a kick out of an advice piece on MSN. http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/3347706?GT1=6083 Thankfully I have found a way I can still use what I can do to help this ministry during the Souperbowl. Thanks to the ice cream machine, that my sister gave me a few years ago, I am able to offer them all a small dish of homemade icecream. Now, I had no idea this is actually that special of a thing. But when I was told that ice cream is a rare thing they get from the shelters in the area, I understood this is what I'd do when I was here. I don't need to bring yet another pan of cornbread. This year we are going to make a little more so that I don't have to be skimpy on the servings. This will be good also because it will allow some fellowship time with those that make it with me.
Thought to Consider: Do I daily look for the way I am to add to blessing others using the talents, abilities, and gifts God has given me? Am I willing to find other ways of fellowship to allow easier sharing of the heart? Yes and Yes...just learning how.

Trust

I awoke today at 5:40am with the main thought of fear. I revealed something that I’ve been contemplating for awhile now to someone. That huge risk of sharing that with her has me terrified. Not because I believe she will hurt me with knowing it by telling others (which she could cause there are always hidden ways to tell others), but because now someone else knows a part of my heart/head. On the surface this may not see bad, but when it touches sin it is terrifying. Thoughts are such an amazing thing that effect my days. When I’m more deep in thought, I know that doing the other tasks of the day become more of a challenge. Perhaps that is why we are to have a church family who loves us no matter what to let us be comfortable saying that we are going through something. We certainly struggle with this in my church. Not only for someone like me who is nervous about trusting people in general, but even to make sure some people feel the love and acceptance although they don’t seem like so many of the others that are there.
To Consider: What makes me allow someone to be trusted? I think it is through paying attention to the values of the person. Hearing what they say when they speak weather it be a time of heart or a time of jokes. If I feel that judgement could be possible, then I'm not gonna reveal about myself. Then it helps to know I've loved which I don't know forsure I one knows this. I wish I was able to allow more into my thoughts/feelings, but this may be one of those things that God is working on with me.

See I Am 29!

You Are 29 Years Old

29 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Oddily I thought the ice cream answers would make me younger!

Great American Day

I don't care if you are red, blue, or purple. Today, we experience one of the greater parts of being an american. While this time there isn't a change of power, I still think it is amazing to watch the process or respect for the office. I can truly say that I do respect the office for my first remembered enjoyment of watching inauguration day was when Clinton was sworn into office the first time. This was a swearing with a change of power and for someone I didn't vote for. I look forward to having CSpan going through the events today as I thank God for giving me th privilege to be an American.
How does this relate to my purpose? Because I'm a purple person. I'm love my red state, but my mind is purple. I love people who are from blue states and from red states. I see agreement possible. I believe God wants us to find the good in this.

i'm back..and I know why I stopped

I'm back. I just tried to do this post and what I had composed. GRRRRRR! I think I did that because of making an error in the picture. ANYWAYS.....
I'm back because I get that I stopped because I didn't experiece the love coming through as we were doing the 40 Days. Even though I was beginning to get something out of it...I never made the hump because the fear stopped me. If one doesn't feel safe/love, then one has a harder time of growing. I get that and I know that I need to change more.
You see I have been talking to and reading the blogs of a Cottey first year. At first glance we are polar opposites. But getting to the core of some of the emotional/mental things, we are more similar that she knows and I wanna admit. Women (perhaps men do also) do various things to attract love. We do it with each other and with men. We offer sex, we eat ice cream, we throw parties, we have children, we get degrees, we shop. We are different in how we work to get love to battle our esteem, but we all have our ways. Sadly, we don't help each other instead we talk about each other (perhaps a negative way of gaining love?). Sex, Ice Cream, Parties, Children, Degrees, Shopping are not bad. We just don't use them correctly. 40 Days is about getting God into the forefront to effect all those areas. The trick though is that we need to accept that God loves everyone and their purpose may not be the same as ours...and that is ok. We still get to love that person. Feminist Worker = Stay At Home Mom Neither is a negative position and the church shouldn't make it as such.
Thought for self: Can I love someone that I don't receive unconditional love from? Nope, cause then I've made it conditional. I'm gonna have to work on this for I feel sooo out of place with some of these people. Even though they constantly are trying to make me like them when I've never had the desire they do.

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP TXDUCKANGEL AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Great News

ok...I have done the reading and even written notes for this week. The evenings have been odd this week so I kept putting it off. But I have Sundays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays entries hand written. Monday I have some notes in the book. So I will be able to type them in there all by sunday night. I do wish the church hadn't already had the ministry fair but oh well. I do think it would have been better to do after reading the chapter. hopefully it doesn't motivate people to focus more on missions this sunday than they do the church. Yep, I know my additude going in is already defensive. Missions that revolves around Lottie Moon (international) gets too much attention. Heck, the past two years even the mission emphasis for america has been tainted with importance placed on the ministries reaching internationals. While this is an important part of our church and the only actually growing part, I wish there was more balance. So to add to all of this I will be helping with the international missions part of the fair we are having this sunday. isn't that funny? awww...but yes God loves the irony part of life.
I look forward to being on target again for the last week of this. Thankfully my sorry additude didn't last for the last three weeks of this. hugs to those who helped me regain focus.

Where is the post?

Because I said I'd be honest about this whole 40days process, I have to put this entry. I did start this thing with a positive additude despite some of the negativity I heard from some within and outside of my church. We've completed 3wks worth of readings so far. And now I have no desire to continue or at least I don't want to be doing it with the church. Sunday my hope and belief that God is going to bring light into my church severly began to fade. The ballots were passed out for the pastor search committee. Soon after I was handed mine (had to roll my eyes at the name spelling first), I noticed that many of the names are overly seen. I circled three names (not mine...ick). Then I decided that since we were told not to do it during sunday school or service, I'd look up the people in the directory and decide in the afternoon. Well clearly I didn't hear right about the voting, because the votes were counted during the sermon. The results were announced to the congregation (-me) at the end of the service. Sunday night I was enlightened that this had occured and to the names of the people on the committee. The committee is of only males. Some of these are the controlling males of the church. After reading the last purpose all about the church, I would have hoped for something to be different in these men and the church. I don't feel that is true and it makes me sick to even think about the future of this church. For me, there is no reason to keep reading with everyone although I did read yesterday afternoon. I know I will make myself get back to reading because I don't like to leave books unfinished. Right now it is just words on a page for I'm seeing it clearly like those that others elected are seeing it. (yeah the timing on this and governmental elections sucks) (I'm not upset that I'm not on it. That is a relief and I thankful.)

side note: thanks for those that drove all the way to the mainland (of course nine of us do call the mainland home) and tara (she was already on the mainland) to celebrate my 30th birthday a month later. it was odd that the interium pastor came...of course I'm sure that is partly cause I'm MrsPitt's granddaughter. what I don't get is why people at FBC-G think surprise parties are the way to go...most of the celebrations tend to be surprise parties. it was sweet of you all to come, decorate, pay, give fun card/gifts, and most importantly remind me that you love me. so everyone MandI's "surprise" birthday party will be Nov.27. (we can celebrate Tara's on the 28th still and it doesn't have to be a surprise since she is no longer FBC-G)