Day 14: I could have written this chapter

...But I wouldn’t have! For those that don’t have the book the title is When God Seems Distant.

“The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking God during a trial, trusting him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving him when he seems distant.” Often I am asked what class I liked best in seminary. My answer is Worship Leadership. This may be because of this very situation. I was in this class while I was going through the ordeal with NAMB. Every class day we spent time singing and/or praying together. Usually the professors just had us offering thanksgiving prayers. The songs were usually a variety. During that semester, I didn’t always want to go to my classes because I was confused with and angry at God for making me endure the NAMB ordeal. However, I didn’t want to miss this class. When our group led the service, I was very much apart of it (see Day . Our theme was Passion for Christ. I was able to worship in that service even though my heart was feeling like God stuck me in New Orleans as a cruel joke. Despite everything that was thrown at me by NAMB during this ordeal and my questioning/anger with God, my relationship and view of God grew stronger. The only way I know that I survived it was through the tape, hugs, prayers, and tears that were shared with some of those around me. I don’t believe that it was within me to endure that alone.
“Every Christian goes through it at least once, and usually several times.” I know that I have done it a few times. Perhaps because I did start my relationship at such a young age. When I first went to BayArea-FBC, I was certainly in the where is God mode. That entire service was worship for I was reminded that God helps us to be Survivors. I was able to acknowledge that despite not having a church to be apart of that the time that he still loved me and was going to see me through. The other part of this quote that I wish we focused on is that all christians go through it. I think we need to talk about it more. Do we treat each other like Jobs when God seems distant in someones life? Even if the distance is due to disobedience, conflicts, busyness, or other sins, I believe we are to still love each other through these times. It is sickening that we don’t.
Another day I said that I know it is ok to be express to God how I feel. I know that he can handle it even if he doesn’t give feedback. Sometimes this is hard. I wonder if this is harder for females especially womanly females. But I think approach this solution to handling the crisis most of the time because I know his character doesn’t change. Trusting God to keep his promises is the tough thing for progression seems so normal and to be the goal. I don’t know that I really get how to trust when it doesn’t make sense. or maybe I do but don’t think I do. (hummm..)
“Remember what God has already done for you.” Ugh, I know I get selfish at times yet I should be able to recall that God loves me sooo much. Not surprisingly to me, I attemted to skim this part of the book cause I didn’t want to read the crucifixion stuff. Then I made myself go back over it. Kinda like seeing The Passion of the Christ movie. I would NEVER recommend a movie that violent to anyone but I think EVERYONE (above age 10) should see it. In think of this we are able to remember that Jesus also felt God had left him.
The Question to Consider: The way I would stay focused is through some of the ideas in the book. Remembering God’s Promises, His Character, and What He has Already done would still allow me to worship. I wish I could say that I could stay focused by being around Christian friends, but I don’t know that I believe that is possible. While I did have that in the NOBTS bubble, there were also those that didn’t express love. Should I expect it to be better outside the bubble? I think this chapter should be marked in everyone’s books so that they can be reminded of the ideas when they begin to sense a distance from God so that worship can still occur.