Day 20

well the reason for doing this is to make myself do it and hopefully get some changes. in all honesty I'd rather skip this day. this blog mess would be on target if I could skip this day. the title of this day is restoring broken fellowship. "Broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to unbelievers." Often I tell Christians that I learned alot about being a friend from being at Cottey. This was mainly a non-Christian environment. However, conflicts were addressed and real efforts made to be in harmony despite differences. Most of the time the suite or class became stronger because the conflict was addressed. I agree with most of his writings in this chapter. In fact I probably would teach most of it the same way. However, he left out how to proceed when the other party doesn't respond with these aspects.
The Question to Consider: Heidi is who the relationship should be restored with.
Throughout the reading of the chapter I thought about her, abusive steve, and the ending of what might have been a friendship.
Talk to God before talking to the person. Probably should also say to talk to God during the time also. I can't say that either of us did this before hand. I don't know that it was truly evident there was conflict brewing. So the more accurate way would be before dealing with it pray or when negative feelings begin about another to pray. I think that is more what the biblical examples actually say.
Always take the initiative. Doesn't matter if you are the offender or the offended. I've had some discussions about not doing the Lord's Supper if in a conflict with another believer. That is still confusing if the efforts have been made to deal with the conflict. For us, I did make the attempt to fix things the same night that it became clear there was conflict. But my effort didn't matter for I was stopped and told things were ok. Yet still later that evening a third party chimes in. "Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse." Again, I attempted to work this out, but then I was put off for a weekend. By this time, the resentment and questioning of the friendship had taken over. The choice made to put off talking to me and seeking counsel of others that can't be impartial caused me to be angry and believe there ever was love back.
Sympathize with their feelings. Perhaps because the conflict took so long to develop or the time of resolving didn't occur quickly, I wasn't really allowing myself to do this. "Focus on their feelings, not the facts." This is certainly not what I did with her side. Feelings are weaker than facts so I pushed those aside. Yet, as I consider it now the additudes and actions taken were more about feelings. Having to absorb anger or hurt seems unfathomable. Clearly we both failed in doing this. I'm not even sure we would have known how to do this.
Confess your part of the conflict. It is usually easier for me to do this in the beginning part of the conflict. After the time goes on and I haven't felt understanding or love, then I tend to hold onto the hurt and not see my own wrong. There should have been more clarity from me in the beginning. I should have been more direct before a conflict really became clear. Even in my saying that I'm not sure how I would have done that differently. So I can't say that I've learned from the experience. I can say I'm wrong however it helps when both parties do this.
Attack the problem, not the person. duh...isn't this a basic thing that we learn hopefully by high school.
Cooperate as much as possible. "Peace always has a price tag." Yeah most of the time it is probably a pride issue for me. Defeat doesn't sound good even if it means winning a relationship. I'm sure something is wrong with that thought. I think I also fear and have a problem balancing when it is pride or keeping from being a doormat. I worked on figuring this out as a senior in college, but I didn't put that much effort into it cause senioritis has set in so much.
Empasize reconciliation, not resolution. I don't know that this is always possible. I may feel that way because it does seem still like there is a winner and loser involved in some circumstances. For many times I am able to do this because it is ok that someone disagrees with me. It is just a whole different story when the heart is involved.

side note: With Tara's dog Hamlet, I'm kinda having to live out Christian love. He was mistreated before so he is very jumpy. This is somewhat taken out on me. I'm having to practice the prayer levels and working to gain peace with a dog. I think it is interesting that a large part of that has been happening during this week of readings.